2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From the clients' questions:
"Where to meet men after 30?"
Loneliness at the age of 30 is often one of the causes of depression and melancholy - it is at this time that many of us sum up the first serious outcome of our lives and discover in ourselves the desire to start a family and become a mother. Sometimes at this age, a girl has already experienced a divorce, or even more than one, and is in the interval between relationships …
Message from the women's forum:
"Good day everyone. So, here's a birthday soon. 30 years old. A couple of months ago my boyfriend left me. He turned out to be a very bad person. Before him there was still a serious relationship. There are no children. I feel like a girl at all. Somehow." and I believe that it is already 30.
I would like to meet my man and be happy. I don't expect princes.
But then I read the forum and something becomes scary. And I can't say that they get to know me a lot.
Girls, what do you think? Should you look for your boyfriend?
Or accept already that you will be on your own?"
Most recently, I took part in a psychological quest in Cyprus.
There, one of the tasks was to write two lists: what do I regret by my 30 years and for what am I grateful to my fate?
In the process of analyzing these key points, I realized with surprise and clarity that many things that I regret and that were painful and traumatic for me, carried with them a huge resource for changes and new life turns.
What I regret, and at the same time I am grateful.
This unity of opposites, it seems to me, is also true in terms of loneliness at 30 years old.
There are huge prospects behind this fact that are waiting to be taken advantage of!)
First, I want to tell the story of how one of my clients did it (with her permission, of course). So, about the ability to be happy firsthand:
Several years ago, I experienced a very painful breakdown with a very important person for me, my first husband, who was everything to me at that time. After a divorce and a series of sluggish attempts to re-establish our relationship, as well as debriefing, my ex-husband got married … But this is not all: he also told about his happy event to all my friends and close relatives and began to work hard to be happy with his new, censored parents, wife.
I couldn't be happy. Generally. My soul was broken, I lost everything valuable that was in my life, poor for the joy, I lost myself. For me, his second, such a sudden marriage was a "blow in the stomach", a betrayal.
I was knocked down, I was worse than dead. It hurt so much that it was impossible to describe in words, my heart was an open wound, there was no living place in it.
I blamed myself, I hated myself for this pain, for divorcing him, that I could not match …
It took a long time. Gradually, I became interested in psychology, psychotherapy (and what else, in fact, could I do?) At first everything revolved around how to build relationships in marriage, how to "rightly" relate to a man, husband and the like …
At that time, such literature helped me a lot, I began to make plans a little and mark those moments when I would need to behave differently with a man … I started to change a little …
Another huge problem was that I did not know how to meet men, since I was married for several years. I was very ashamed to take the initiative, I was very ashamed to feel like a commodity in the marriage market, to compete with other, maybe more attractive or adaptive rivals, I was afraid to be rejected in my desire to please.
I was attractive, but men rarely met me, so I was lonely, despite my youth, beauty and charm … Then I began to study pickup books. First male, then female. I was pleased after all the deep digging in myself and super-complicated ways to attract attention and happiness into my life (almost by the method of forgiveness of Luule Viilma and Diagnostics of Karma) to read a simple, cool and rude guide to action …
I did not blindly follow all these advice, but their very existence somehow amused and supported me …
Anything is possible, I thought!) …
I began to sunbathe in a solarium, changed my hair color, began to run in the stadium and in the forest, became try to provoke men to make acquaintances, get acquainted first … And … … … It started …
It was a real success!.. I got a lot of fans, men began to overpower me, finally they gave me flowers and called me in the evenings, invited me on dates and to the movies, they wanted to seduce me, finally I felt attractive and desired, competed for me … After that scorched desert my soul turned into an oasis, and I blossomed! … In general, life rushed, played with new, bright, sensual colors, filled with content and meaning, as well as taste, color and smell … I started to feel like a bright, sexy, sensual, desirable woman!
I felt wings and vitality. It's a great feeling of freedom. And every time I was surprised how effective the advice that I read was. It was just during this period that I allowed myself to be myself. Soar and enjoy life. Of course, I included the game and women's tricks, because all this fascinated me so much that I wanted to get to know myself and men more and more.
My daughter was little, but she also blissed out with me, dressed up, made fun of, imagined a true lady …
Since I could not find everything among all this crowd of an applicant for husbands (and my goal was exactly that, because I was married well, and I was created for marriage), I decided on the last step, which I read in some women's mailing list from the Internet: I decided to make myself an inscription on the T-shirt "I want to get married" and go for a walk like that!))
It seemed to me that it would be very cool, besides, I was fueled by the hunting interest, even, I would say, the instinct of a kind of Amazon, as well as the emerging confidence in my attractiveness and the motivating stories of my predecessors)
Unfortunately or fortunately, the shirt was not destined to come true. Exactly on this day, I met, as it turned out later, my future husband, with whom I am happy and we have been married for several years … But that's a completely different story!))
How has this whole "story" or, more precisely, a part of my life influenced me?
Well, first of all, I became a very confident woman.
Over time, I realized that it was not about the advice and rules of seduction. And in the internal state. I realized that everything depends on us. And in fact, we choose men, and not they choose us. It only seems so to them …
I am no longer afraid to be alone and I know that it is not fatal. I discovered seduction, sexuality and sensuality in myself. I began to understand men better and learned to rely on them."
Such is the story) Perhaps the methods used by my client will not suit everyone, but the essence of the story is very revealing. In my opinion, the question is: "Where can I meet men?" is secondary.
The primary element here is the desire to meet, drive, the desire to please and act!
If this state is open in yourself, it does not matter where you meet - you will spontaneously come into contact everywhere and cause a response impulse from the opposite sex, just immerse yourself in a certain state of flow. You will feel that you like men, that you want to meet, that you feel attractive and sexy, mysterious and interesting, that you have something to share. And men will naturally feel it too.
The question is how to enter this state, when, for example, inside there is uncertainty, apathy, depressive outbursts and melancholy …
There are two types of depression. The one from which it is impossible to get out on your own and the one that can be very resourceful and transformational …
In the first case, the help of a specialist is always needed.
And the second can be compared to the workshop of a good witch.
This is such a very creative, warm and resourceful place of its own, in which rebirth takes place, transformation from a caterpillar into a butterfly, replenishment with new forces …
I invite you to play one game and get a feel for what I am talking about! Just play and get pleasure from the process itself!) …
So, to begin with, imagine the man of your dreams: both personal qualities, and appearance and some little things that are important to you.
Pick up magazine clippings, make a collage that you like.
You can write a list of the qualities that you need and a list of what you refuse to tolerate.
Just imagine how you could be there.
Then think about how to make such a man like you? Begin to slowly tune in to the desired image and, as it were, prepare for a meeting with him.
Feel how he would like your body, your hairstyle, your figure, your smile, what common interests you might have …
Life can give you a meeting with your chosen one every minute (you never know where your needs will be satisfied). Therefore, be ready for this, but do not sit idly by, but act, naturally enjoying the whole process!)
Think about where the men you are interested in generally live? Maybe they go jogging, do sparring or astronomy, breed dogs, collect comics, participate in historical reenactments, or practice shooting.
Do they study in business schools or fly on paragliders, jump with a parachute? … And just find something that will be interesting for you too!
Follow your new interests to a place where you can meet like-minded people of the opposite sex.
This method provides several benefits at once: the development of oneself, and going beyond the limits of one's living space, and the influx of new acquaintances, who in any case will enrich your life with variety and impressions.
Try to feel, understand who you like, try to initiate acquaintance with this person on your own. Use common sense and try!) Why not? It's interesting!)
As Alphonse Carr said, “Men would be much bolder if they knew what women were thinking.
And women would be much more flirtatious if they knew men better."
All these little things are able to bring you into a very active state, inspire you to light up with interest and first victories, become mysterious and begin to acquire the first fans.
Do not be sad if the one you need does not immediately appear among them, praise yourself for all the small steps and intermediate results!
Do not rush to reject those who did not suit you according to some criteria (except for the criterion of "employment"), just communicate, because an interesting person is a huge acquisition!
This path will allow you to go beyond your boundaries and outline new horizons! Gradually, somewhere along the way, you spontaneously, perhaps in the strangest place, will come across the one you need!) But even this is not the most important acquisition with this way of living. The most important consequence should be a sense of self-activity, joy, drive and sexuality, when you feel yourself "the most charming and attractive", the creator of your destiny …
Finally, I would like to share the places where my clients usually get to know each other or I once met myself. I am happy to see you complement them!)
So:
1) Dating sites. Do not neglect this mechanism. A huge number of people find their new relationships there. And more than once. Tested it works! Especially in large cities, where there is little time for leisure and long distances between each other. Getting acquainted on such sites, do not seek to communicate for a long time virtually, initiate real meetings and check whether a person is suitable for you, whether it is interesting with him.
2) Places for walking dogs) … It's cool, but pets really bring together terribly)
3) Shops in the evening, after a working day. Firstly, by the set of products it is often possible to understand whether one person lives or with someone else. Secondly, various subject magazines provide topics for possible conversation. The same is true for clothing stores.
4) Sports activities. Sports trending events (eg Ironman). Decent sports bars, where the massive viewing of competitions or olympiads takes place.
5) Interest clubs: astronomy, boxing, diving, paragliding, parachuting …
6) Places for evening jogging.
7) Plugs)
8) Various festivals, conferences, thematic parties …
9) Additional professional education, second higher education, business education, business clubs, public speaking clubs, debates …
10) Psychological groups, seminars and trainings. There are always fewer men than women. But there is an opportunity to find a person with similar interests.
11) Automobile exhibitions.
12) Speed Dating …
13) All other places where you go … Just make contact with the person you are interested in. Do not try to get acquainted - just communicate, enjoy the process itself!))
And I wish you to treat this task with the passion of a real creative person! Which, in the words of A. Maslow, "in a state of inspiration loses the past and the future, lives only in the present. She is completely immersed in the subject, fascinated and absorbed by the present, current situation, taking place here and now, the subject of her studies!" …
And remember, "If you follow your heart, chances will take care of themselves."
Good luck and happy circumstances!)
Recommended:
The Ex Wants To Meet
According to surveys (in countries with a European type of culture), men, before they create a marriage at the age of 30, on average, can have up to ten sexual partners and / or attempts to create serious love relationships. Girls, before marriage under the age of 30, on average, can have up to five sexual partners and / or attempts to create a serious love relationship.
How Can A Good Girl Be The Mother Of A Bad Boy? (Useful For The Girl's Parents As Well)
I often think during consultations, when a mother and a teenage child are sitting in front of me, about at what point in their relationship something broke? As from a beloved "sweet sun" and "blond angel", the child has turned into a "
Pain And Guilt. Girl And The Desert
I write only about my own experience, but observing women in the process of breaking up with her husband, I saw pain and guilt in almost everyone. They go hand in hand. Pain The pain lasts continuously, and absolutely everything causes it.
Woman Wants To Meet
Does a woman have the right to be alone? 28 plus, and she is alone. There is a catch here. With her, something is wrong. Ugly, fat, stupid. If everything worked out with this, then definitely a bitch. She can shake her whole soul out of a man in five minutes.
The Longest Orgasm In Captivity Of Sensuality
Sexologists recommend temporary abstinence from intercourse for patients suffering from various psychogenic sexual dysfunctions (decreased libido, orgasm disorders, coitophobia, STOSN and others). You can tease each other, caress, without bringing to orgasm and avoiding penetration.