Lonely Me, Psychology Of Loneliness

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Video: Lonely Me, Psychology Of Loneliness

Video: Lonely Me, Psychology Of Loneliness
Video: Одиночество 2024, March
Lonely Me, Psychology Of Loneliness
Lonely Me, Psychology Of Loneliness
Anonim

Clever, beautiful, but still alone … Today I would like to bring up this very topic. Women from among my clients, acquaintances and friends often ask me questions about the possible reasons for their loneliness. Below, and highlighted the most typical situations that can lead to the fact that the fair sex does not have a soul mate.

What can loneliness look like?

  • My relationship does not work out due to constant quarrels and clarifications.
  • Men use me, they don't take me seriously.
  • We have been in a relationship with a man for a long time, but he does not call me to marry.
  • Men constantly hurt me, betray, abandon, reject.
  • No one wants to get to know me, men don't seem to see me.
  • I really want a family, children, but this is not in my life, and I am already over 30.
  • I can't find myself a decent man.
  • I want a serious relationship, but for some reason they always turn out to be free.
  • And I don't need anyone, I feel good, I can do everything myself (and then at night she cries into the pillow from her “self-sufficiency”).
  • I want to see an adult, independent, real man next to me, but it turns out the other way around. I am becoming a “mommy” for partners.
  • I come across married men.
  • Men only want sex from me.

The list goes on and on, but that's not what matters now. The main problem is that loneliness destroys a woman, preventing her natural feminine essence from manifesting and realizing. From year to year, a loner becomes disappointed in men, loses confidence, closes himself off from others, loses hope for a bright future.

Where does loneliness come from?

Some women are beginning to think that real men in the modern world have been crushed and they are not left at all (other, more agile ladies have disassembled). Others are convinced that something is wrong with themselves. Thus, the blame for loneliness is shifted either to men or to themselves. And there, and there, one of the reasons may be inadequate self-esteem. So, if it is overestimated, then everything around you is to blame, and if it is underestimated, then you are engaged in self-criticism.

I want to assure you (it may upset someone, and make someone happy, on the contrary) that both parties to the relationship are always responsible for what someone did (or did not do). In addition to inadequate self-esteem, the causes of problems in a couple or the absence of a soul mate can be attitudes and patterns, patterns of behavior. And all this goes back to childhood. Life strategies are built there, and in adulthood they are only confirmed and strengthened. And this leads to a repetition of scenarios that we do not like.

It is important to note that all strategies, patterns, attitudes, patterns are often not realized by us, we play them as habitual behavior. This is only a subjective perception of the world, depending on how we lived our childhood, what psychological trauma took place in it, how our parents behaved with each other and in relation to us, what moral and other foundations were put into us by others around us.

If you are lonely and you don't like it …

Now I want to delve into the causes of loneliness more deeply, so that in the future you will understand the problem closest to yours, learn more about it and be able to outline (independently or together with a specialist) a plan for further action:

Wrong attitude towards yourself. As a woman treats herself, so men will treat her. If she does not love, does not respect herself, does not take care of herself, then the man will not do this in relation to her. Either the opposite sex does not notice such women at all - they are inconspicuous, do not take care of themselves, hide their beauty, believing that the only important thing is what is inside.

Heightened self-esteem. It is difficult for such a woman to find a man worthy in her opinion, because she considers herself ideal, strong and domineering. She can handle everything herself. Relationship problems can occur in this case due to rivalry with a man (who earns more, who is smarter, who is more successful, who is in charge of the family). The flip side of the same situation is a woman who looks for herself a priori a weak "rival" over whom it is easier to dominate. She becomes a "mother" for him, builds him, makes decisions for him.

Low self-esteem. A woman who is insecure, does not value herself, all the time tries to adjust and please the man. She lives for him, completely dissolving in him, his desires, tastes, problems. And it is difficult to call her happy. Such a woman is most often "wiped off", used, humiliated. For more information on low and high self-esteem and how to work with it, you can find here in my other article.

Unpreparedness for a serious relationship … The woman has grown physiologically, but psychologically she has not, she is not ready to take responsibility for the relationship. I will say even more - according to statistics, it turns out that if a woman really wants to get married, then she does not want to create a family, but simply shift the responsibility for her life onto her husband, so that he would take care and protect her. In fact, she is looking for a “daddy” in the relationship in order to receive what she didn’t get from her parents as a child.

Mistrust and multiple fears. A woman is afraid of losing her loved one, opening up to new feelings and being rejected, misunderstood, because all this is very painful. Another fear may be present - losing your freedom and being vulnerable (emotionally). Moreover, this may not even be realized, but quietly sit in the unconscious, controlling a woman like a puppet. Consciously, she may want a relationship, a family, children, but such obstacles do not allow her to achieve what she wants.

These are the most common reasons why a woman is alone or unable to create a normal relationship. You've probably already heard that in life we are guided not only by our consciousness, but also by the unconscious. I was convinced of this on myself, it has been proven many times in my practice. It is the unconscious that creates for us life scenarios that we do not want to see in our life, but we cannot change them. Such problems are drawn from childhood or past experiences.

Therefore, I personally prefer to work with the unconscious (it does not matter whether it is collective or personal). There is much more hidden that prevents us from living, getting what we want, achieving harmony and happiness. Finally, I want to note that both our life and our unconscious are in our hands. All fears, attitudes, patterns, behavior patterns adopted from parents that are undesirable to us are amenable to correction.

Yes, self-improvement is difficult work, but noble and productive. The main thing here is your desire, sincere, strong desire and readiness to change yourself, your life, to achieve happiness, success, harmony. Remember - everything is in your hands! If I can be of assistance to you in this, I am waiting for you at my consultation. Love and be loved!

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