2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The scheme is simple: an important event occurs in your life - you call your friend and share your joys and losses. We receive advice and decide what to do next. What actually happens when we want to receive advice, confirmation or refutation of our thought?
This is called clearing the alarm.
That anxiety is the energy needed to make a decision. When you bring it to a friend, you get support somewhere, a kick in the butt somewhere.
What should be in focus? Your friend is a person who has known you for a long time, who is used to a certain course of your thoughts and actions, and is not able to perceive them without judgment
Instead of anxiety, which should be directed towards finding the right solution, we get, for example, support: "Don't worry, everything will work out, you're strong, you can handle it." And everything will not be enough, and you do not feel strong at all and are already tired of coping every time. And then this support becomes inappropriate and even harmful. Because it does NOT bring you back to responsibility for what is happening. Only at the point where you feel your responsibility, clearly realize it, the power to change something appears.
Why is it so important to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist? This is a specialist who has a non-judgmental mindset.
Friendly relations are always built in the context of mutual benefit: moral support, from time to time, mutual obligations. Therefore, the look of a friend, at you and your actions, passes through the prism of your joint history.
Why is it so important to hear a non-judgmental opinion? The therapist scans his feelings, his sensations, not burdened by a shared past. I want to emphasize that a good therapist visits a personal psychotherapist without fail, and is well versed in his feelings, reactions and behavior.
It is a non-judgmental opinion that makes it possible to see those attitudes and thoughts that lead to repetitive behavioral stereotypes. If a friend notices these stereotypes, he will suggest a solution from the point of view of his experience.
And someone else's experience does not always work. It's like a suit that was tailored exactly according to your measurements, and it began to press in some place. It may have stung before, but you only notice it now.
And so you ask your friend to let you blaspheme his own, and he turned out to be more spacious:), but he looks on you “like someone else's shoulder”.
As a result: with a psychologist, you have only one line of relationship, which begins and ends with the door of the office, or the time of online sessions.
This provides freedom in expressing your feelings and looking for a tailored solution.
It is necessary and important to share with friends: it creates, such an important, experience of a feeling of intimacy with another person. Decision making must come from an independent point of reference.
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