Looped Wine

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Jeanne is simply enraged by her mother. This fury hides behind her anxious, irritated voice in response to her mother's phone calls, behind her upturned lip, behind a harsh tone and a desire to hang up the phone quickly. But mom, she's so … she will call … and you can't hide from her, you can't hide from her. He will find it under the covers, in the bath, and at the meeting. “A mobile phone is evil!”, Zhanka decided to herself, and took the receiver doomly. It looks like this is the tenth missed call in the last hour.

Well, when will it end !? Her mother's voice, cloyingly affectionate and mournful, so ingratiating and wailing, suddenly breaks down into terrible curses, orders and demands to come to her, to the "nest". Not a dipped beam, almost half of the country must be driven. As if Jeanne just left her hometown. To dangle there every now and then? And also to my mother. Oh, how she got it! There are no forces. A grin between contemptuously twisted lips and a dark anguish…. Yearning. And hopelessness

She cannot resist her, she cannot, do you hear !!! Because mom is one of those people who find it easier to “give” than to explain why “no”. Therefore, the girl grunted cold "food" and sat down to buy tickets. How inappropriate! Generally inappropriate … Yes, and never inappropriate. To endure the touch and troubles of the mother is almost beyond her strength.

And after all, do not refuse…. Why? Yes, because immediately, instantly and immediately, such nausea will suddenly cover, such an unpleasant and sticky feeling will begin to bubble in the chest, such guilt will pile up that at least lie down and die. After all, she is a mother. And Zhanochka is obliged to … More precisely, "must"!

Just this word - "duty", and surfaced in the immersion. "I owe her my Life."

She said how she minted.

When did this "debt" arise? In deep childhood.

I will step back a little and tell you what happens in each of our childhood. And who is there who "owes life." If we argue from a social position, then there is the public opinion that every mother will give her life for her child. I am preparing for a hail of stones, and yet I will note that we are animals. Social though.

And if we argue on the basis of the biological laws of the development of the species, then the mother who gave her life for the newborn will not save him in any way, since the cub is completely dependent on its nurse and protector and will simply die without her. The law of evolution of the species. Is it cruel? Maybe. Nature is not fair, she is accurate.

But, if a female of any type of animal has several cubs, then, having given her life for one of them, she will condemn the rest of the babies to death.

Eagles throw out weak chicks from the nest during the period of hunger. The lion, who defeated the rival, kills the cubs of the defeated one, and the female, passing by inheritance to the winner, will not "reread" him.

In the animal kingdom, females often sacrifice their young. And the cub will never sacrifice its mother, because his life without a mother is short. Impossible, except for happy accidents.

Children will definitely love their mothers. And even in the case when their mothers did not want childbirth, they terribly did not want to have a baby in their arms. And this fear, which envelops in a sticky cocoon while the child is waiting for his birth …? or death … ?, all this horror and dependence on my mother's fate, the dependence of her own life on her decision, take root in the baby. His body seems to want to petrify, numb, as if to die beforehand … in order to survive.

In deep childhood, Zhanna was terribly, to the point of hiccups, afraid of losing her mother. The crazy thought “mom will die” was jabbing with a sucking vacuum in her tummy, pawing her ears, so that the whistle stood in her temples, and made her tongue dry. With her wet, cold hands, barely unraveling the fingers that were shaking and sticky from the terrible sweat, Jeanne knocked on wood, warding off trouble.

“At any cost, Mom must live forever, because if Mom dies, I will die too. And I owe her Life. "She said as if "such is the law." Zhanna kept her mother alive with all her might. All ones life.

She keeps it to this day. During the immersion, Zhanna did not dare to make the decision “to let my mother die in due time”, not to give her life to live. Although, the girl has already grown up, and does not need maternal care.

And here. The decision to “let die in due time” is hindered by a feeling of guilt in relation to another person, for whose life Jeanne considered herself responsible and whom she did not save from death. But that's another story.

But now she understands that she herself created her own promissory notes: "Mom, promise to live forever in order to save me from the fear of my death, and I will give you my life for that." And with the understanding and study of the child's situation, the irritation and contempt for the mother went away. From a “victim” Jeanne turned into a “sovereign” who independently gives her resources to her mother.

"Gift" is one thing, and "robbery" is quite another thing, isn't it? One thing "needy", another thing "grabber".

To what point to go deep into oneself and what key decision to make, the one who dives decides. Your own heart will tell you the correct answer.

I bring it to the "injury site."

We are looking for a "mistake" of perception or another together.

You make the decision yourself.