2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The problem of finding resources and human capabilities for self-development is by no means new, but it has a number of complex aspects that are overcome with great difficulty in the process of personality correction and therapy. Very often, questions about the meaning of life, about whether a person feels like a person, how developed his ethnic, religious, socio-cultural self-awareness is, how developed the ability to withstand a hurricane, leading a person to a defeated state, frighten people who turn to a psychologist for help.
Let's try to consider Why is this happening?
A person experiences difficulties with self-awareness of his personality … That is, often an adult and quite successful person (precisely in the professional sphere) feels like a helpless and insecure child in building relationships with a person of the opposite sex.
A number of situations indicate the loss of the same airbag that is triggered in acute and critical situations in professional activities.
This distortion is due to the trauma experienced that was not properly worked through. So, in the practice of therapy and counseling, such situations are very common and indicate a painful perception of the reality in which a person has been for a long time. Thus, a girl who grew up in a family dominated by the cult of labor and material well-being to the detriment of the spiritual values of the family with an oppressive and oppressive father, as her personal growth achieves "cult" goals (education received, employed, career is growing rapidly, high position), but in terms of developing relationships with men, she is chronically unlucky.
Her self-awareness in the professional aspect seems to block access to the values that she, on the one hand, is aware of, and on the other hand, she did not see these values in her life, an image of a tough authoritarian father appears in her memory, infringing on her in gender. ("You will not achieve anything, you stupid woman! You will work in the kitchen as a dishwasher!"), and in sex ("I dreamed of a son, and this fool gave birth to a girl for me!" and so on).
Of course, such destructive scenarios introduce a girl into a state of deep self-doubt (precisely in relationships with men), since all life energy is aimed only at proving to her father that she can take place as a professional.
The flawedness of such a scenario is quite obvious, since by the age of 35-40, a girl still does not find a family and does not realize herself as a Woman capable of receiving Love. Distorted self-awareness plunges her into the abyss of fear of menwho, by the way, remind her of her father, who deny and suppress her femininity and sexuality, even the ability to bear children.
"You can't have children, you're a dough!" from her father, and from her men, whom she trusted, trusted, but from whom she could not protect herself.
The path to rethinking takes more than one month of therapy. And again, one must remember about the difficulties in correcting the girl's personality.
Thoughts about her own insignificance and insecurity do not allow the girl to look at the world objectively, rise above the problem. (Moreover, in a number of cases, girls in these cases create a very illusory support for themselves in the form of the figure of their mother, who exactly shows pity, but does not contribute to solving the problem, and besides this mom is a conductor of a destructive scenario "He beats, so he loves", "God endured and told us", "You poor little daughter, unhappy, why did God punish you like that ?!").
Metaphorically, it looks like a blind search for support in a swamp, in which it seems to a person that he has entered a clearing, but in fact found himself in a deadly bog. In the same time, there are resources of confrontation … Otherwise, the girl would not have achieved career growth, would not have taken place in the profession, and would not even have turned to a specialist for help.
Therefore, first of all in such difficult situations we begin to completely mercilessly part with the past that hurt. In no case should a girl go into destabilizing and devaluing statements about men "he is a bastard!"
Unfortunately, such fantasies of women on the topic are encountered all the time, but they reflect the essence of their personality in need of therapy. But the sobering moment is precisely the realization that the girl nevertheless chose this "freak" on her own, and she hunted for this "goat" for many months. Accordingly, such phrases contain precisely a negative attitude towards oneself. We learn to forgive and let go. Although often in the process of work, many girls feel anger and resentment, and this is quite natural, because we are real people.
We are engaged in general cleaning, such as the one that precedes major repairs. We throw away all unnecessary thoughts, stereotypes, break the usual, "conserved" outlook on life. We break down walls of misunderstanding, false values and beliefs.
Major repairs ahead. And general cleaning will take more than one day … But we are on the way, we are at the start, we are taking off!
Author: Arkhangelskaya Nadezhda Vyacheslavovna
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