2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
No wonder they say that the new is the well-forgotten old. So in the process of preparing new material, the knowledge of university times suddenly surfaced, like dumplings in a saucepan.
“I have problems with self-esteem” is the phrase that is most heard when it comes to psychological problems. And she really spoils life really well, because to silence the voice that has appeared from an early age, always repeating “you won't be able to! you are not worthy! take a look - you look ridiculous! not so easy. I am writing these lines right now and shudder a little, remembering how much time and effort it took me to learn how to somehow negotiate with him.
Despite the fact that self-esteem is formed from early childhood, there are two of its key components that we can influence, even at a given moment in time.
1. Expectation vs Reality … Back in the last century, the famous psychologist W. James created a simple formula for self-esteem: it is necessary to divide the “success of the activity” into the “claim”. Well, for example, Masha decides to open her own network of organic tomato stores. She expects that after a year of work, tomatoes will bring her $ 10,000 a month. These are Claim Machines. After reading motivational books and listening to the Richard Bransons, she quits her job as an accountant, takes out a loan and enthusiastically plants tomatoes. A year passes, Masha sums up the results and sees that her profit is only $ 1000 per month. This is the success of the Machine. Her self-esteem and self-esteem can be severely affected by such a reality. From here follow two simple, but incredibly effective, truths. To maintain self-esteem, we can
- Set realistic goals … Admit it, if Masha had set a goal for herself to earn not 10,000, but at least 5,000, the difference would no longer look so terrifying. And if her goal was simply to “go into a plus”, then the result would have influenced her self-esteem positively. Especially if she first studied the specifics of the tomato business and asked about the experience of the pros in this business.
- Assigning Results … Sometimes it seems to us that if we have not achieved the desired results, then we have not achieved anything at all. Although in reality this is not the case. We have the right to praise ourselves not only for the A, because it is “excellent”. Praise deserves both the "four" (after all, this is good! And to earn 1000 dollars a month on "still young and not very experienced business" is a very good result. Not even, not like that - this is the Result. And quite myself with a capital letter.
2. Comparing yourself to others … No matter how much modern gurus say about “valuelessness”, “total positive” and diverse “world peace”, people still evaluate, evaluate and will evaluate. Like each of us. This is a mechanism by which our ideas about ourselves are formed from the age of three. The question is not whether we are comparing or not, but the question is how we are comparing. And with whom. American psychologists conducted an experiment: they measured the self-esteem of the subjects before and after they sat in line with other people. In the first case, the neighbors took turns looking clean, stylish and expensive-rich. In the second it is dirty, sloppy and very poor. After what queue do you think the subjects' self-esteem improved? That's right - after the poor and sloppy. Therefore, comparing ourselves exclusively with Elon Musks and Steve Jobs, we lower our self-esteem and break away from the real world, where in fact there are a lot of much less “rich, beautiful and talented” than we are.
These simple life hacks really help. I myself have tried them many times - especially during periods of crises, doubts and total “oh my God, everything is going to hell”.
What do you think about this? How do you maintain your own self-esteem?
Recommended:
Relationship Boundaries: How To Define And Maintain Them? And How Can You Maintain Your Relationship?
In my opinion, each of us should remember that we are not born with instructions for use, we do not walk with it, carved on the forehead, therefore other people tend to cause us inconvenience: to say what we are not ready to hear; call when we are already / still sleeping;
Reliable Protection Against Offensive Words: Eight Ways To Maintain Self-confidence
Offensive words lie in wait for us every day - often when we are least ready for it: on the road during rush hours, when the worst qualities appear in people; in lines when we run out of patience; at work and at the festive table, where people consider rudeness almost permissible.
About Cumulative Trauma, Or There Seems To Be No Problem, But It Feels Like It Is
Working for a long time with traumatics of various types, the most difficult and most important thing is to detect the injury. More precisely, to make this trauma obvious to the client. Most often, one has to deal with the lack of mentalization of the traumatic experience, despite the fact that this topic is affectively extremely painful, and in order to avoid contact and immersion in his own traumatic experiences, the client for the millionth time, seeing the trauma on th
Why Am I So Shitty Even Though Everything Seems To Be Fine
One of the not-so-rare requests of a client during a session with a psychologist may sound like this: "It seems that everything is fine, but something really sucks to me." This formulation looks completely Dostoevsky, but the mysterious Russian soul has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Cruel Games Of Self-awareness: "I Am Nothing"
The problem of finding resources and human capabilities for self-development is by no means new, but it has a number of complex aspects that are overcome with great difficulty in the process of personality correction and therapy. Very often, questions about the meaning of life, about whether a person feels like a person, how developed his ethnic, religious, socio-cultural self-awareness is, how developed the ability to withstand a hurricane, leading a person to a defeated state
