Religion And Family. Seven Common Problems That Arise In Families Due To Differences In Religious Beliefs Or National Traditions Of Spouses

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Religion and family. According to the news, almost every day, they report how former spouses who have created families with partners of other religions and nationalities, after divorces, divide children, steal them from each other, fall into severe depression, unable to meet with them. All this is really scary. Therefore, I strongly advise everyone: when planning to start a family with a person who is very different from you in terms of religion and national traditions, weigh the pros and cons seven times. If you decide to go for the creation of such a family, value it doubly.

It can be stated that “one world man” not only did not take shape, but, on the contrary, the influence of various religions and national structures on the behavior and thinking of people has only been increasing lately. In fact, in the 21st century, humanity is facing a new surge of Islamic and Christian fundamentalism, the flourishing of totalitarian sects, which inevitably leads not only to world conflicts, but also … family conflicts. Of course, in the event that the husband and wife refuse with an irreconcilable set of religious and national values and traditions.

In real family practice, there are several problematic situations associated with differences in the religious and national structures of the spouses. Here they are:

Seven common problems that arise in families due to differences in religious beliefs or national traditions of spouses

1. Husband and wife are trying to force each other to change religion.
2. New relatives from the "half" are trying to force a husband or wife to change his religion.
3. If one of the spouses is an atheist, then either they try to make him (her) religious, or he (a) make his “half” an atheist.
4. A husband or wife has difficulties in communicating with relatives who oppose the marriage of their children to people of a different faith or nationality.
5. With complete harmony between the spouses, in the family, conflicts may arise directly between their relatives themselves about the difference in religious beliefs or the preservation of national or clan traditions.
6. In the family, conflicts arise over the definition of religion and the national identification of children (their first name, last name, patronymic, citizenship).
7. Grown up children do not always agree with their parents (or one of the parents) imposed on them by national characteristics of behavior or religion.

Seven basic data of typical problems are usually embodied in ten no less typical scenarios of family conflicts.

Ten scenarios of family conflicts due to differences in religious beliefs or national traditions of the spouses

1. Before marriage, the spouse did not know at all about the peculiarities of the religious views and (or) national traditions of his “half”. Hence, after the beginning of life together, there is more surprise that the partner turned out to be a completely different person than it was imagined before marriage.
2. Before marriage, the spouse, in principle, knew (a) about the peculiarities of the religious views and (or) national traditions of his “half”, but did not take it seriously, believing that “everything would change and get used to it”. However, upon closer inspection, it turned out to be technically impossible.
3. Before marriage, the spouse knew about the peculiarities of the religious views and (or) national traditions of his “half”, he was even inclined to accept it for himself, however, later changed his mind. Which, of course, led to the irritation of the partner, who rightly considered himself cheated (oops).
4. One of the spouses did not specifically inform his potential partner about the peculiarities of his religious views and (or) national traditions, hoping that in the future, after creating a family, he would be able to quietly and smoothly “reforge” his “half”. However, the "half" of the "reforging" resolutely refused (s). Resentments and quarrels began.
5. The couple initially had an agreement that each spouse retains their own religious views or national traditions, but one of the couple further violates the treaty of neutrality (usually under the influence of relatives), begins to seek the dominance of their views.
6. In an initially atheistic or slightly religious couple, already in the process of family life, one of the spouses developed some kind of powerful religious or national hobby, which led to alienation from the other half.
7. The couple initially had an agreement that each spouse retains their own religious views or national traditions, but the national and religious self-determination of the children was not predetermined or stipulated in advance, which later became the subject of bitter disputes and grievances.
8. In a couple where the spouses initially differed in religious views and national traditions, there was a certain agreement on the religious and national emphasis in raising children, however, in the future, one of the spouses grossly violated it, tried to change the agreements in their favor.
9. In a couple, where the spouses initially differed in religious views and national traditions, a certain agreement was formed on the religious and national emphasis in raising children, it was successfully implemented, however, the grown child refused to obey his parents, independently changed his faith and national self-determination.
10. In a couple where the spouses initially differed in religious views and national traditions, a comfortable situation developed in itself (regardless of whether the spouses remained in their views or accepted the faith of a partner). However, behind the backs of the spouses (the second front line), their relatives entered the conflict. Who, of course, began to manipulate the spouses themselves and their children (that is, their grandchildren).

Speaking about this, it should be understood that the most important, initial root cause of all these problems and scenarios is, of course, the mixed nature of the residence of various peoples in our modern time. In today's cities and towns, side by side, live people belonging to hundreds of nations and peoples, professing dozens of religions. To all appearances, no one will succeed in turning this process of the Babylonian pandemonium back, to disperse all the peoples to their national apartments. Accordingly, not being a racist or nationalist at all, being a purely practitioner, I have absolutely nothing against interethnic or interfaith marriages, especially if they are built not on self-interest, but on pure and bright human Love. However, when creating and operating them, you should take into account a few elementary rules. Here they are.

Practical recommendations for those families where the spouses differ in religious views, national family structures.

Religion and Family First. Find out the religious views and national peculiarities of the mentality of your potential family halves in advance. A good couple of hundred times I have already heard from men and women who turn to me for help, something like: “While we were friends, it never even occurred to me that he (a) -…. Followed by the name of what -or nationality! It always seemed to me that he (s) is an ordinary Russian (Tatar, Jew, Belarusian, Ukrainian, Moldovan, Chuvash, Bashkir, Buryat, etc.). His (her) surname and patronymic sounded like usual, but turned out to be completely different … And with his (her) parents, I was (a) not familiar. Only at the wedding, when I saw how they looked, how they behaved, how they spoke, I thought with horror: where did I go, what am I doing? !!”.

Unfortunately, in such cases, it is extremely difficult to help. Indeed, it is for such situations that our ancestors invented the saying: "If you do not know the ford, do not go into the water!" Therefore, if my readers have not yet created their own family, I strongly advise you to always clearly understand with whom you are friends and plan to start a family. Know the religious views of your intended "half", consider how they fit with your own. If a person is a representative of another nation, understand as well as possible the peculiarities of his thinking and culture, understand his compatibility with the traditions and way of life of your own people.

In this regard, it is appropriate to note that I also heard many times such statements: “You know, before the start of family life with this person, I considered myself a complete cosmopolitan, I thought that I could get along even with a Martian (Venusian). Only now I realized that I can neither remake myself nor him (her). Therefore, now we are forced to leave … But next time, I will definitely think a hundred times whether I should communicate with a person of a different religion or national order!”. I always feel sorry for these people: after all, in order to understand the simple truth - "spouses should not be hostages of other people's religious or national" cockroaches "in their heads, these notorious" cockroaches "should be in common with them!", People went through unsuccessful marriages, lost years and nerve cells, often - made unhappy not only themselves, but also their children … I am sure:

In an ideal family, spouses should have everything in common!

Especially - the attitude towards religion and national traditions.

Hence, I strongly advise, when creating love and family relationships, always ask each other about what the partner's attitude to religion is, how he imagines family life, relationships in it with relatives, to ask him (her) what the future could be called joint children, who should educate them, what kind of faith they should be, what people should they consider themselves to be. Trust me: this is not only a very interesting topic for communication, but also very, very useful for your future family life!

Religion and family. Second. Make any family decisions about religion or national traditions only in the best interests of the children. It should always be remembered that a family is a structure designed for the happiness not only of the husband and wife, but also of their children. Accordingly, if a family was created by a man and a woman who have different national roots and religious beliefs, there is only one fundamental question: what national and (or) religious status will be useful for the child in terms of his socialization, that is, successful integration in the society where, according to his parents, he will be destined to live, study, work and create his own family. Hence, I always ask parents to be not selfish, but rational and wanting only good for their child (children). The parents themselves can remain within the framework of any religious concepts, however, I always feel very sorry for them when their grown-up children begin to abandon those surnames, patronymics and names that their parents gave them, which do not just sound dissonant in the environment where they live, but also prevent them from creating their own personal life and family. I always advise you to think about this aspect of the problem in advance.

Religion and family. Third. Find a compromise on the name of the child. The family is always a compromise, including about the name of the child. In this regard, I want to say that a lot of disputes between spouses about the correspondence of their child's name to their own national or religious ideas could be avoided very simply: give children such names that are equally used in various national groups. And everyone will be happy right there. Trust me: there are a lot of such universal names! To verify this, you can study thick books with variants of names, or rummage on the Internet. I am sure that you will find there everything that will not only please you, but also make peace with your "half"

Religion and family. Fourth. If your married couple has different religions or there are significant national differences - devote more time to each other! We people have such an unpleasant feature - to explain some of our difficulties in life by the intrigues of those people who are not like us. Hence the eternal desire to explain any problems in the country and the world not by some real laws, but by the actions of hostile forces, "fifth columns" and "foreigners" and "world governments". Accordingly, if in the family the husband and wife have different religions or nationalities, it is worth some smallest disagreement, evil tongues (or even their own) can immediately declare categorically: “Well, what did you expect from a Tatar (Russian, Ukrainian, Belarusian, Mari, Mordovian, Khakas, Yakut, Azeri, Jew, Georgian, Armenian, etc., etc.). They are all so … Well, in general, problematic! And they treat all others downwardly … ". At the same time, it will no longer matter at all that the quarrel initially had no connection with religion or nationality, and all people, regardless of nationality and religion, are arranged in their heads exactly the same! An understandable explanation was born for everyone, although it is fundamentally incorrect, but it already lives and works! Works, moreover, to the detriment of your family!

Hence, I always say to spouses from those families where there are significant differences between the husband in religion or national traditions: knowing that many people around you can quarrel with you on a national or religious basis, try to devote as much time as possible to each other and you will be happy!

Religion and family. Fifth. If your married couple has different religions or there are significant national differences - create the warmest possible relationship with all relatives! There is such a paradox in our life:

Most of all, we can be harmed by those who sincerely believe that they wish us well.

Then the classic scheme turns out: your mom or dad had completely different ideas about who you should start a family with. You never know who they liked from your classmates or classmates … And then your (her) chosen one has a different eye shape or religion! Here begins a long and boring: "Maybe you hurried with the choice, son?" Or: "Dear daughter, I think you would be worthy of a better option …". And it seems that no one is hinting at religion or nationality, but everyone understands everything perfectly! Realizing that:

Marriage between people of different religions or nationalities is always an additional risk of difficulties in their family.

… I strongly advise you to immediately exclude the threat of "friendly blows in the gut" from close relatives (and friends). To do this, you need to make a concerted effort to make them all friends. At the same time, do not forget to make friends with relatives and friends of your half. Always praise the national dishes that they cook, treat them with yummy food with your national "registration". Firmly confident:

The best conversation about religions and nationalities is in the process of tasting the national cuisine.

There are usually no serious disagreements and resentments. Especially if there is enough tasty food for everyone. So, he called himself a load - get into the back! If you are… (name of your nationality), grab the collections of national cuisine recipes and have a feast for the whole world! And then there will be peace in your family. And a feast.

Religion and family. Sixth. Be aware that changing your religion always has serious consequences. From year to year I have to deal more and more with people who are beginning to experiment with religions. From Belarusian or Russian, they suddenly become Japanese Shintoists, from Ukrainian - Zen Buddhists, from Ingush - Taoists, from Tatars or Mari - fans of voodoo magic, from Tuvinians, Dargins or Chukchi - fans of the faith of some Maori, Maya or Inca. With corresponding murals of tattoos on the body, nutrition, behavior, etc. In this sense, please understand:

Experiments with religions and faith are always experiments on your own biography.

Including family. The question is: do you or your “half” really need it ?! It is important to remember: your spouse created a family with you exactly as a Belarusian, Russian, Ukrainian, Ingush, Tatar, Mari, Tuvan, Dargin or Chukchi, and not at all with a Shintoist, Zen Buddhist, Taoist, voodoo, or a Confucian. Therefore, take care of your family, do not experiment on it!

Religion and family. Seventh. If, when creating a marriage, you promised to change your faith, religion or nationality - do it. I believe that you always need to answer for your words. Therefore, if you promised something before marriage, do it, or refuse marriage. A happy family and deception are incompatible. Including deception in matters of faith or national identity.