2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Family values and traditions - is it really that important?
In order for the “family hearth” to burn, you will have to periodically throw firewood into it.
Relationships and family are not a stable and unchanging system. This is something that needs to be constantly worked on. It often happens that in a relationship, people live together, perhaps even raise children, but over time they seem to move away from each other. The everyday cycle takes all the strength, the evenings are essentially separate, everyone is alone in their surfing on social networks. In the best case, a joint dinner with a planned couple of words and putting the children to bed.
Gradually, the impression begins to form that you do not live “together”, but “next to” each other. Life energy, warmth, love leave the relationship.
At the beginning of a relationship, a couple usually does not seriously think about their main values, partners do not discuss how they see their family, what is important for everyone in it. In addition, values tend to change over the course of life. And if the main motives and beliefs do not coincide, then building a family turns out to be quite difficult. It is impossible to build a house without bricks and, in general, without understanding what is a building material. Everyone will build something of their own, and at best, these structures will be somewhere nearby.
Family values are what is important for every family member, they are a model of behavior that everyone in the family tries to follow. These are the qualities that people show and present to each other. These values can be support, open communication, honesty, mutual respect, a sense of belonging, forgiveness for mistakes, and others.
And it is very important that the values of all family members are the same. Through synergy and coincidence on basic issues, an atmosphere of mutual understanding and support is created, which is paramount for the harmonious development of children.
Family values, other things being equal, give a person support. Growing up, children understand what to orientate on when they start looking for love and starting their own families.
A short test of the existence and formulation of values will help to prioritize and discuss substantively a plan for building relationships. Answer questions and think up different answers. For you and your partner, words and concepts can have different capacities, different meanings. Try to pick up all the options in order to be able to get to those that, let's say, will resonate in your heart:
- What is family for you? Who is included in this concept?
- What values do you consider important and necessary for family happiness? What is the most important thing in your family for you?
- Describe your ideal day with your family.
- What are you doing for your family happiness? What else would you like to do?
- For help on what issues would you turn to each family member?
- To what extent are family values realized in your family?
- What can you all together do in the near future to get closer to the ideal of your family happiness?
- What family traditions can you introduce to support your family's values?
Family traditions emerge from family values. They are certainly important for family reunification, for the feeling that all family members are good with each other. Traditions don't have to be complicated. They shouldn't bother anyone.
These can be small but fun weekly activities such as a family dinner or board game night, or meeting with family friends, or going to the bath every month. Also, each family member can prepare a small surprise for others for the holiday. The game “At my command” can become a wonderful, family-uniting tradition. Once every couple of weeks or a month, the “main” family member is selected for one day. And on this day, others fulfill his wishes. Of course, here it is important not to go too far and not to torture relatives with your desires. Thanks to such a game, you can find out what each family member lacks in life. Perhaps, on such a day, mom will go for a massage, dad will play on the console on his day, and the child will ask his parents to go to an amusement park instead of school. But on the other hand, such days of fulfillment of desires will help fill up with a resource, relax and even more hold the family together.
I wish that the fire in the family hearth always gives light and warmth to every member of your family!
Olga Karpenko, psychologist, cpt-psychologist, art therapist
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