Why Women Are Attracted To Weak Men

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I am a strong woman, but for some reason alone, because I come across weak men all the time. I think I just have not met such a man who will be much stronger than me. Then I can finally relax, become loving, caring, real, a weak woman, and not to pull on my shoulders everything in the world. I'm already so tired of this !!!

I still believe that there is somewhere my real strong man, we just haven't met yet. It is difficult to count how many times I have heard this story from different women. The meaning is always the same - I am strong, I need someone even stronger and then I will relax. Such a set of beliefs is like a virus transmitted in our information field and among women. Why hide, I myself once thought so. I remember how at the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I also believed that a man should always be strong and cannot be weak and has no right to make mistakes.” to him for every little thing, tore off my anger and dissatisfaction on him. I seemed to myself a woman - a horse who plows and drags everything on itself, all the time thinking how to live, how to get out of poverty.

I thought it was terribly unfair.

How so, I thought, because I got married, he should take care of me and take upon himself all my problems, fully provide for us! And I have to plow from dusk to dawn!

Inwardly and outwardly, I was always unhappy and pressed on him. I couldn't afford to relax and stop.

The tension was growing, it was necessary to decide something or come to terms with this situation or disagree. We swore terribly, my husband asked not to put pressure on him, let him breathe freely and build his business. But it was not easy to do it. I wanted to live well now, and not sometime in the future!

Then I dreamed that he would start making good money and finally I could relax!

We agreed with my husband that for half a year I leave him alone and do not put pressure on him. It was very difficult to do this. Anger and resentment lived in me constantly, but I decided to redirect my energy to studying the question of how to stop being a strong woman.

As usual, I reread a bunch of articles. And, as they say in a well-known joke - The main thing in investigative actions is not to get out on ourselves.

Before that, I firmly believed that the whole problem was in my husband.

And she desperately wanted to transform him into a strong man.

But plunging into my past, I realized how I fell into the trap of a strong woman! And that was exclusively my problem.

When my dad left the family, my mom and I were left without a livelihood. Mom sent me to ask him for money, because she thought that he would not refuse me, as a daughter. And … I went.

My dad was so offended by my mom that he angrily told me - tell your mom that I will never give you anything again and let him not ask for more. Everybody go away!

For me it was a disaster, I could not stop the flow of tears, I felt that my dad was rejecting me, he no longer loves me.

I stood dumbfounded in the middle of the street and sobbed. I was ashamed that passersby saw my tears. At that moment, I made a fateful decision - I will never humiliate myself in front of a man, depend on him and ask for money!

I will do my best not to be in my mother's place, I will always earn myself and that if my man suddenly leaves me, I can take care of myself. So a strong woman was born in me - an Amazon. And my weak, vulnerable woman went into the shadows. I didn’t allow myself to show up like this anymore and ask for anything from a man. I could not cope with the humiliation that I experienced when I met my dad and decided to avoid this feeling by putting on the mask of a strong woman who can do everything herself and does not need anyone.

And I passed in this mask for many years. Sometimes I even seemed to compete with men, feeling my superiority and that I was a winner.

So, over and over again, I played the same scenario, because I did not fully experience that bitter feeling of rejection and humiliation from the most important man. This realization was the beginning of my healing. I learned that our psyche works according to the principle of compensatory behavior. And because of the injury with my dad, I got split inside me.

This means that two poles, strong and weak, have appeared in consciousness. In a paired relationship, these two poles appear very clearly.

A woman considers herself strong - she is at the pole of strength (does not admit her weakness). From such a position, according to this very principle of compensatoryness, she can only attract a weak man (who does not recognize his strength).

So it turns out that a woman walks in a vicious circle - in which she is constantly disappointed in men, and, perhaps, continues to build up her strength.

And even if she accidentally meets a man stronger than herself, they still will not succeed, since unconscious competition and a war for power will begin. Well, you yourself understand where all this leads …

Is there a way out?

It would seem that the secret is simple - a woman just needs to move to the other pole "I am weak" and then a strong man will automatically be attracted. This is what most women's trainings teach - become weak, feminine, learn to manipulate the behavior of another.

But everything is not so simple, because a woman really does not want to be weak, she likes and benefits from being strong, controlling, suppressive, domineering. And often she herself does not see this and does not understand.

A strong woman does not want to admit her weakness, but this is also her rejected part that wants to live. Therefore, a woman sees her weakness in something else, namely, in a man who is nearby.

In general, there are two ways to solve such issues: One superficial one is to try to change the external reality, when a woman starts playing weak in the hope of attracting a strong man, without changing her inner mental state and the image of a partner, without healing her injuries. As a result, over time, everything returns to normal and a strong woman gets tired of pretending and again enters the scene of power, competition and superiority over a man. Because it was just a mask that I put on to control and get my own! Deep inside, she cannot recognize the strength of a man and her weakness.

The second deepest path is to change the inner reality. It is somewhat longer in time, but gives a long-term effect for life. At a deep level, you can change the image of a partner, emotional state, heal trauma, form new neural connections and new models of relationships with men. And, the first step, you need to realize in the moment, in some specific situation in life or in a relationship, that I am now playing the role of a strong woman.

For example, I communicate with my man and feel my strong superiority, that I am so cool, I have achieved so much, I have so many things to do, plans, prospects, and he lives for his own pleasure. I plow like a horse, but he is happy with his little salary and does not strive for anything else. And I'm terribly offended.

All men have real men, but mine is a mattress of some kind and there are no prospects with him and he does not strive for anything. I even have to shield him in front of my friends, because I am ashamed to tell the truth. And inside me everything is seething and bubbling, but I cannot force him to do what I want. And at this very moment it is important to realize that now I am at the pole of strength, superiority. And my man is automatically at the pole of weakness. And this is a vicious circle! After you have caught yourself on this, you must try to get out of these poles, where there is someone strong / weak, and take the third position - the position of the observer. You need to see and accept not only your strength, but also your weakness - directly on examples of real situations.

And also to see with examples when your man is not only weak, but also strong. There are definitely such cases, we just often do not want to see them.

Thus, you get out of the situation and begin to heal from the inside, that is, you become whole. This means that you acknowledge both your own strength and weakness, and also internally allow the other to be in something strong and in something weak. Then there is an opportunity to build relationships not on the principle of compensatory, but out of your own integrity, acceptance of yourself and others, as we really are and find the relationship that you want.

In my case, after working on myself, I managed to accept a weak woman in myself who can rely not only on herself, but also on a partner, and my strong woman also takes the stage at the right moments. And I also learned to see my husband as whole. that he is strong and that he can show weakness in something and this is normal for all people. I calmed down internally and our quarrels on this topic stopped. And, oddly enough, I began to notice his inner strength more and more.

Psychologist Irina Stetsenko