Childhood Fears. Ways To Overcome

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What do parents do most of the time when their children become afraid? They begin to talk about the fact that there is nothing to be afraid of here, that there is nothing terrible in the dark, fairy-tale characters, dogs, injections, etc. not at all. In other words, they begin to devalue the child's feelings and, even worse, leave the child alone with this unpleasant feeling. The feeling of fear "settles" in the child and can subsequently lead to stress, whims, insomnia, poor academic performance, anxiety. How to properly respond to the child's fears, and how to help him cope with these difficult situations?

As strange as it may sound, there is only one advice here: let the child fend off. Immediately comes to mind a cartoon about the Kitten Gava, who went with the puppy to be afraid of a thunderstorm in the attic and was shaking there with fear. Being afraid together, as the animals did in the cartoon, is not so scary, you share your fear with someone else, you become stronger, and this allows you to live any fear.

My son was 3, 5 years old when he became afraid to sleep with the door closed and in the dark. When I began to ask him what exactly he was afraid of in the dark, he replied that it seemed to him that someone was living under the bed. We turned on the light, looked from all sides, found no one. The next day, the situation repeated itself. We turned on the light, looked under the bed, I remember that I even casually said: "You see, there is no one here." It did not help. But one evening I decided to talk about this "monster" (as the child called him). Is it big or small? What is it doing under the bed? Where does it go during the day? What can it do? Who is it afraid of? Who is he friends with? What does he like to eat? We talked about him for about ten minutes. Sometimes he was very afraid, sometimes it was easier for him to tell the story of his "monster". I supported him, took his hand, was afraid with him. And it worked! Moreover, that evening I put a soft lion toy next to his bed, which would protect him from this "monster", even though it seemed to him not so scary. For the first time, the child allowed the lights in the room to be turned off and the door closed. And the next evening I heard from the child that he no longer needed a lion for protection.

So, to help your child cope with fear, you need to talk about it. And this is the first way you can deal with this fear. There can be many options here: you can put a "guard" (as I did), you can try to make friends with fear, come up with a funny name or nickname for this "monster", some funny habits. Alternatively, there may be some other feelings living here, for example, the child is very angry that this "monster" lives under his bed or is angry with the doctor who gave him a sick injection. The main thing is not to be afraid to look fear in the eye.

I would like to give you one more example.

Several months ago I had a girl (7 years old) who was very afraid of dogs. She had no negative experience (the dog bit, pounced, etc.). She was just afraid of big dogs. Or rather, a specific dog that came out with its owner from the next doorway and walked in the yard. We talked about this dog, drew it. Then she took scissors in her hands and began to cut her drawing into small, small strips. And these strips are cut into even smaller ones. When her fear "crumbled" into small pieces, I told her that now it was impossible to bring it back, to glue it, to assemble it. Together, we collected all these small pieces and wrapped them in a large sheet of paper and threw them into the trash can. After 2 weeks, we consolidated the result: I asked her to draw her fear of dogs and saw bewilderment in her. Parents can use this technique at home with their children.

Also, fears can be lost. If the baby is frightened by any situation, it can be played at home together with the parents, with all the senses. It will be a safe environment only for a child. For younger children, I offer a game that parents can also use at home and at any time. It is called "Hare and Elephant". First, you invite your child to be a "coward bunny."

Let the child show you how afraid the bunny is, when he feels danger, how he trembles (tightens his ears, shrinks all over, tries to be small and inconspicuous, his tail and legs are shaking). 1-2 minutes are enough for this role. You can add questions: what does the bunny do when he hears the steps of a person, what does he do if he sees a fox or a wolf (runs away, hides)? The second part of the exercise is to let the child be an elephant - strong, big, courageous.

Show your child how the elephant walks slowly, how it walks measuredly and fearlessly. And what does an elephant do when it sees a person, is afraid of him? No. He is friends with the person. What if he meets a tiger or a lion? The child depicts a fearless animal for several minutes.

There is another way to deal with a child's fear. This is to come up with a fairy tale about this fear with a happy ending. Metaphorical cards help me in my work. With little clients, we select pictures that fit our story and invent it, speak it out, find other cards that complement our story. A parent can cut pictures from magazines, books, print pictures from the Internet of what the child is afraid of and together with him come up with a fairy tale about this fear.

Fear can be molded from plasticine. It can be something concrete or abstract, understandable only to him. Let him look at his sculpture and decide for himself what he wants to do with it? How does he feel when he looks at her?

The sculpture can be crushed, crushed with a fist, decorated, add bright color, etc. You can ask the child how his fear has changed after he did something with this sculpture.

You can also make fear funny. Print a picture of fear and make it funny - paint on a bow, funny shoes, a clown nose, some objects in hands or paws. Humor is very helpful in dealing with strong and unpleasant emotions.

Harmonious development for your children!