Jealousy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Jealous means love", this myth is very tenacious. When you are jealous, at first you feel important and valuable, later on there is confusion and irritation with the behavior of your partner, over time it becomes unbearable and, finally, jealousy destroys the relationship.

I distinguish two types of jealousy:

1) Having a real object, while there is a rival and the partner's behavior towards him is the same as in a couple (outright flirting, joint leisure time alone, sex). That is, the emotional and sexual interest between partner and rival is unambiguous. In this case, jealousy is justified by real events and is a healthy reaction in conjunction with any actions to resolve the current situation.

2) It has no real object. Despite the fact that there may be suspicions in the direction of a particular opponent, they are unfounded and illusory. “He looked at her like that,” “she smiled at him,” “she went to a friends party, where there were men,” “he added her as a friend on social networks,” these are all examples of unfounded jealousy. More often these are suspicions of infidelity, as such, the object is not even identified, the person fantasizes that his partner is meeting with someone behind his back, dreams of having sex with someone else, does not go to the store, but on a date. The phone is endlessly checked, passwords are required, calls are made to friends and girlfriends of a partner, in order to catch him lying and check if he went where he said.

Where does this attack come from?

Most often, objectless jealousy is a symptom of past violations in the sphere of parent-child relationships. The jealous person was "stuck" at the age when he had to psychologically separate from his mother, but he could not do it, having received less mother's love and acceptance. As a result, he needs an object from which he will unconsciously strive to get what he missed, this object, of course, is terrible to lose and you want to keep it close. And as such an object, a person usually chooses a partner.

If we do not take into account the violations from the field of psychiatry, for example, such as paranoid suspicion, then other reasons for painful jealousy may be a violation of the formation of basic security during the first year of life. This is the period when the child develops trust in the world (and the mother for him is the whole world). That is, if there was an early separation from the mother or her coldness, then the child at the level of emotions and body imprinted that the world cannot be trusted, that the world will not respond to his needs, abandon, betray. As a result, in adulthood, there is no trust in anyone, especially women.

Jealousy can also be the result of a script inherited from observing the relationships of parents or significant adults. According to the script, you should be jealous at any opportunity, otherwise you will not be considered a normal person, and it will be boring without "Mexican" passions.

Knowing that jealousy destroys relationships, you can decide to get rid of this problem with the help of a psychologist. The specialist will help you to work out situations from the past in a quality manner, so that they cease to negatively affect the present.