Codependency Vs. Interdependence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Codependency and interdependence. Two terms and radically different semantic content, although in both cases the word "addiction" is the basis of the word, which is often recommended to be avoided in relationships. Let's see if this is real, and which of the addiction options will have a more positive effect on a person's personality and relationships.

First term, codependency, arose to describe the behavior of people whose family member has some kind of addiction (chemical or behavioral). Such people are usually constant companions and rescuers of addicts, do not leave, even if the situation threatens their health, and their whole life is, as it were, subordinated to the life of the addict.

If we look at this phenomenon more broadly, then the dependence of one participant is not a prerequisite for the emergence of codependency. It can manifest itself in parent-child relationships, family members, partners, even friends. The absence of personal boundaries can be considered a marker of codependency: there is no “I” in it, only “We” (and this “We” does not seem to give strength, but, on the contrary, draws them out), it is not clear what each of the participants wants, and the focus is all the time, as it were, shifted to another.

These relationships are usually very emotional and dramatic. There is little intimacy in them, but they rarely break, because in order to make a decision you need to feel yourself and your needs, and in such a relationship it is extremely difficult.

Then, perhaps, it is worth avoiding any dependence on a partner, since it only brings suffering? This approach is the flip side of the same coin. Moreover, some degree of addiction arises in one way or another in any relationship, since we enter into them if we have a need that we cannot satisfy alone. This means that we are automatically dependent on who helps us to satisfy her.

A healthy type of addiction can be considered interdependencewhere each of the participants has their own needs, desires, boundaries and resources that can be shared with a partner. There are no “lifeguards” here, but you can get the help you ask for. Here, the attention of each of the participants is focused primarily on themselves and the responsibility that I bear for building relationships. Here “We” is more than just the sum of two “I's”. The comfort of the participants will also be an important difference: if in codependency there are many painful experiences, a lot of pain and discomfort, then in interdependence the participants have more resources and feel safer.

Does this mean that interdependence is free from unpleasant experiences? Of course not, they are an integral part of our inner life. However, in a more constructive relationship, contradictions are resolved through direct discussion of feelings and a joint search for a solution, when, as in codependency, there is suppression of emotions, avoidance of conflicts or sharp outbursts of feelings without further steps to improve the situation.

That is, it turns out that codependency arises where there is a blurring of the boundaries of each of the participants in the relationship, the vagueness of the needs that we want to satisfy in these relationships and the ways of interaction. Any relationship is to some extent dependent, and a more important criterion will be precisely the feeling of comfort and security for each participant in this relationship. Moreover, in some cases, codependency will be a temporary stage in an interdependent relationship (for example, when one of the partners is sick and needs care). At the same time, the partner may be glad to be able to take care of the other, knowing that in another situation the same help will be provided to him.

And this is probably the most important difference between codependency and interdependence. In the first one, one of the partners cannot rely on the other at all and cannot live without each other, and in the second, the partners are support for each other in situations where they could cope on their own, but it is much easier to do this with a partner.