5 Golden Qualities For The Formation Of A Child's Personality

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I will talk about personal qualities-skills, the so-called soft skills, which are really important for the formation of a strong and full-fledged personality of a child in the future. They will not be talked about at school; you can learn and learn about them only from your parents.

FIRST OF ALL, EDUCATION OR TRAINING?

Yes, they are two different things to me. If we talk about upbringing, then I would say it is about the formation of a child's worldview and perception of the world. Parents can only partially influence this by creating a certain atmosphere of interaction at home, when the child "bathes" in the family bowl of rules, norms of behavior, habits, attitudes, and so on. But he spends a considerable part of his time in society, at school, among friends, where he also absorbs the educational actions of others in relation to him. But what parents can really influence is learning. I believe, as my mom and coach experience has shown, that personality can be taught. And you need to do this from an early age, on them, in turn, education by a family or, later, by society is excellent.

What are the personal qualities that need to be taught to a child from a young age?

INDEPENDENCE OF OWN OPINION AND FOLLOWING YOUR OWN OPINION.

In my daughter's class there is a girl with whom few are friends because of her harmfulness, nevertheless, when she invited the guys for her birthday (in a cool interesting place) everyone went except my daughter. She argued her refusal by the fact that why go to the birthday of a person with whom you have little contact and are friends. My role as a parent here was to help my daughter resist public opinion and support her own. I supported the child, taking her side, praised her for the decision to dispel the last hesitations, if any, and told her that her decision was correct, do not pay attention to the reproaches of classmates. Thus, the inner core of will and self-confidence is formed in the child. When in life she has to solve similar adult problems, she will firmly know what her desire is, she will go to her goal and achieve it, instead of getting lost in doubts, uncertainty and fear “What will people say? Friends? Colleagues?.

INDEPENDENCE FROM A SMALL YEARS.

My child is nine years old, but she already goes to school on her own and returns home alone, and also walks not only in the yard, but also outside it. But before that, we discussed with her all the details about crossing the road, the need for increased attention, the responsibility she takes for this, the dangers that may await her. I am always on the phone, in touch, and I have a program on my phone by which I can see where it is.

Many parents consider their children distracted, unable to take responsibility for their actions, they believe that their children cannot do without parental guidance, and since they do not have their own experience, then they cannot make the right decision, and so on. I do not think so. My choice is to teach the child from an early age to be independent, to form his own decision and choice, to teach him to learn from my mistakes, because if I over-control and patronize him, as many parents do now, then when suddenly there is a difficulty or a problem arises, and I will not be there, then my child will not be prepared for it, not trained.

LET YOURSELF BE ERROR AND UNDERSTAND THAT ERRORS IS NORMAL.

How am I teaching this to a child here? For example, I see that right now she is making a mistake, but I will not interfere and point to her, much less criticize or correct, because the child will not understand anything in words, but will learn a good lesson from his own experience.

Once for her birthday, my daughter received a certain amount as a present from her grandparents and wanted to spend this amount on an inexpensive tablet. Of course, my husband and I knew that it would quickly break down due to poor quality, we warned our daughter about this. But she made a clear decision to buy a tablet. OK. After a week, it broke down. The main thing here is not to start saying: "But we warned you!" We were silent. She was mistaken, but not upset, but made her own conclusions. The main thing for parents is never to make a catastrophe out of a child's mistake.

Another good example of self-reliance. My daughter did not write her math test well because she didn’t learn the multiplication table. When the quiz was on her nose again, she asked me to test her knowledge of the spreadsheet. I realized that she again did not know her very well, but I didn’t say anything. The next day, the daughter again received a deuce. And she herself made a decision, found a way and motivation to learn the table, and next time I wrote a test for five.

MANIFESTATION OF EMOTIONS.

I teach her never to contain her emotions. We live in the modern world, where all psychologists already know that restraining emotions, firstly, will go sideways for health, and secondly, it will greatly affect the future of the child for the worse. Emotions cannot be contained so that in the future a person does not go to psychologists with his childhood traumas and problems on this basis in life and at work.

For example, if she is angry with me, I ask her to show that anger and not hold it back. It’s okay to be angry with your parents (or someone else), there’s nothing terrible about it, it’s a normal human emotion, and a strong one. We are all mad at each other. If parents regard the child's outbursts as disrespect, these are the "cockroaches" of the parents, with whom they should turn to a psychologist and understand where the "plug" is in their psyche and for what reason. In addition, the child is at home in a safe environment, if you do not allow him to be who he is in this environment, with all his emotions, to which he has every right, then he will go to look for another environment where he will be accepted as it is, and this environment may not be the best! And if a child lacks independence, when, figuratively speaking, he “walks with his mother to school by the hand,” he will definitely find this place and come off there in full.

How should a parent react to a child's outburst? Give him a message (by words, actions, emotions): “I see your anger. I understand you. I understand your pain, resentment, anger and share them with you. I accept you for who you are now and you have every right to your feelings."

RIGHT OF DECISION MAKING.

Recently my youngest went to kindergarten. As any psychologist knows, this is a very difficult adaptation period; few people have it easily and with pleasure. The decision "now we have to go to kindergarten" here must be made by the mother. Because if the mother has not made a decision, then it will be very difficult for the child to do it. The child will be able to make a decision to go to kindergarten only after his mother has accepted him. Observing her, seeing her condition and feeling emotions, he himself will quickly make his choice.

On the first day of my presence in the kindergarten, in the locker room, I observed the following picture: next to me was a mother and daughter. First time in kindergarten. Naturally, the child immediately bursts into tears. Mom also burst into tears, seeing the pain of the child. She took her in her arms, deciding to “save” her from the teacher, who kindly stretched out her hands to her. Mom obviously didn't make a decision here. As a result, both had a terrible hysteria, and the girl will not get used to the garden, since she also did not make her decision.

What should parents do? Support the child with behavior or even words - you know how scared he is, you understand and support him, but you have made a decision, honestly tell your child about it and teach him that he will have to make this decision too.

Once upon a time, my eldest daughter also went to kindergarten. She burst into tears on the third day, as she realized that she would have to spend all her time there, she would often not see her mother now. Then I told her: “Varenka, we will go to the garden anyway and you need to make this decision. As soon as you are ready, accept it, tell us about it. At this time, the husband was already dressed in the corridor. He waited for her there for two hours. I waited until she herself came up to us and said that she was ready to go to kindergarten. Two hours - for some it may be a sacrifice or stupidity, but since then we have no longer had problems with going to kindergarten.

Don't force your decision on your child. If, for example, he does not want to eat soup, then this is his decision, which I respect, but at the same time, after that I decide not to give him snacks between regimes, which I inform him about. In this way, we learn to respect each other's decisions.

All of the above skills are an excellent basis for a child so that in the future he is not afraid to be imperfect. How have we always been taught? You need to listen to someone else's opinion, be like everyone else. Deuce at school? God, what a horror! A whole tragedy. Constant: "And I told you, I warned you!" To be angry with a senior and, moreover, to talk about it out loud? There was no question! All decisions were also made for us. We were often deceived "for the good", telling us that we were going for a walk to the playground, and we ourselves turned to kindergarten. In this way, fear and lack of confidence in themselves and their strengths were brought up. We now have many problems precisely because our parents wanted to do “what is best” or, rather, did not have knowledge of psychology.

Having developed these five qualities in childhood, an adult is no longer afraid to stand out from the crowd, change the field of activity, start something new, grow and develop, fearlessly make some important decision or completely change everything in life. In childhood, it is much easier to develop the necessary qualities in oneself, as my practice has shown at trainings, where adults with personality problems come because of mistakes in their upbringing in childhood. It is quite difficult now to reshape or change something inside, when the worldview has already formed, and the personality is almost ossified.