CHILD'S HORROR. PART 1

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Children of primary school age already understand that death is the irreversible end of a person's physical functioning. Children of this age are quite specific in their thinking and tend to focus on the bodily aspects of dying. They know, for example, that dead people cannot speak or move, that they cannot breathe or eat, and their heart has stopped beating.

Children can understand death as a result of external causes (such as violence) and internal processes (disease), and their interest can be focused on the physical causes of death and the physical process of decomposition of the body.

Although children of primary school age begin to understand death as universal and inevitable, it is difficult for them to imagine death that can touch them.

Some children at this age begin to develop abstract concepts of death. They can have a "magical" component, for example, children assume that a dead person can still see or hear living ones, and do their best to finally please them.

Children of this age are able to understand the attitudes of others and can show empathic feelings towards friends who have suffered heavy losses. Older children and adolescents develop an additional understanding that death is inevitable for everyone and they are no exception. Their concept of death becomes more abstract and they may start to question whether a soul or spirit exists and, if so, what might happen to them after death. Teenagers may reflect on justice, meaning and fate, and perhaps also on occult phenomena (omens and superstitions).

Grief reactions in children

There is no right or wrong way for a child to react to death. Children can react to death in different ways. Common immediate reactions include shock and discouragement, anxiety and protest, apathy and daze, and sometimes the continuation of normal activities.

In grief, children often show anxiety, sadness and longing, anger, guilt, have vivid memories, sleep problems, problems at school, and complain of physical ailments. Other reactions may occur. Children may exhibit regressive behavior, social isolation, personality changes, pessimism about the future, or a deepening search for cause and meaning. This variety of responses makes childhood grief confusing for adults and difficult to figure out how to help.

Immediate reactions

Shock and disbelief (“It can't be true,” “I don’t believe you”) is the most common reaction, especially in older children, and parents are often surprised that children do not react more strongly. However, this does not mean that something is wrong if the child reacts in this way: this kind of denial is a necessary and useful defense mechanism that prevents children from overloading emotionally.

Other children may react more strongly and become very sad and cry for several days after the news of death. And other children can just go on living as if nothing happened (“Can I go play now?”); they seem to be on autopilot. Again, this kind of response can serve as a defense against awful reality, allowing children to continue their normal activities while the world seems unpredictable and too dangerous.

Further reactions

Fear and anxiety often appear in children after they learn about a loss. Children who have lost a close family member often fear that the parents who survived may also die (“If this happened to the father, it could happen to the mother too”), and older children often think about the consequences of this (“Who will take care of me if you die too? ). The fear that someone else might die is generally more common than the fear that they themselves will die, although some children develop a fear of their own death. This can lead to distressing separation from loved ones, or excessive attachment, even in older children, and can manifest itself, for example, in a fear of sleeping alone or in refusing to be alone at home.

Difficulty sleeping may appear, and the problem may be falling asleep or waking up at night. This can happen if the word "sleep" was used as a way to describe death. Sometimes children are afraid to sleep, worried that they will not wake up.

Sadness and anguish appear in different ways. Children may cry often or become withdrawn and lethargic. Some children try to hide their sadness so as not to upset their parents. Longing for the deceased can be overwhelming when children are preoccupied with remembering him, when they feel the presence of the deceased person, or when they identify with him. Children can search for places they visited with the deceased person, or do the same things they used to do with the deceased to make them feel closer to the deceased person.

Children may sometimes want to look at photographs of the deceased, ask them to read their letters, or hear stories about the deceased. This can be embarrassing for adults, but it is a common way for children to come to terms with the loss of a loved one. In some cases, children may think that they saw the deceased, or heard his voice, for example, at night. This is quite normal for adults and children, but can be intimidating if children are not ready for it.

Anger is also common in children's mourning. It is more often inherent in boys and can take the form of aggression and opposition. Children may be angry at a death that took a person away from them, or at God for allowing this to happen, or at adults who did not prevent it (or at the fact that adults weaned a child from grief), or because they themselves did not do more to help it, or to a dead man for escaping from a child.

Anger can be combined with guilt. It can occur when children feel that they have not done enough to prevent death, or even that they may have caused damage or contributed to death. Feelings of guilt can arise from a relationship that a child had with a deceased person. For example, a child may express regret for what he said or did while the deceased was still alive. A child's grief can lead to problems at school, especially with regard to attention and concentration. Thoughts and memories of what happened can interfere with learning, and children who are hurt tend to think slower and lack energy or initiative. Children may complain of a physical condition such as headaches, abdominal pain, or soreness and fatigue.

The types of reactions listed above are by no means exhaustive, but they show the variety of childhood reactions that can occur after experiencing death.

The four stages of the mourning process are described

The first, often relatively short, is the stage of shock, denial, or disbelief.

The second is the protest phase, when children are agitated and restless, they can scream or look for the deceased.

The third stage is characterized as a stage of despair, accompanied by sadness and anguish, and possibly anger and guilt.

The fourth stage is the acceptance stage.

The range of "normal" grief reactions is very wide, but some children may have difficulty dealing with grief. That is, they may lack any grief response; or it may be delayed, extended or distorted. All children need support in grieving, but those with complex grieving reactions especially need help.

It has been proven that when children are unable to grieve at the experience of death, they will obviously have a lifetime difficulty in experiencing the event.