A Note Without A Title About A Curious Girl, Her Aunt And The Mill. Or Briefly And Simply About Who A Psychoanalyst Is

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One day, my eight-year-old nephew asked me the question, what do I do?

“Psychoanalyst,” I said, and stopped, looking not at her rounded eyes.

-How is it? - followed a logical question.

And how to explain to a child of eight what her aunt is doing?

My aunt, that is, I, strained her convolutions, since it is one thing to talk with colleagues and adults, another thing is to explain to the child the essence of the work of psychoanalytic psychotherapy.

And then Bion's metaphor about the mill came to mind, which my supervisor reminded me of quite recently.

-Well, I say, look: adults come to me, sometimes there are children too, whose soul hurts, who feel suffering inside themselves, feel unloved, do not feel good, contented and happy. You cannot see the soul with your eyes, you cannot touch it like a wound; if you fall, you cannot anoint it with ointment. But you can hear and feel with your soul.

Do you like buns? You love. And how are they made, you know? You need flour, but how do you get flour? Grain is collected and taken to the mill, where it is cleaned, grinded, made white and pure flour, which is used to bake buns, bread, and they can be eaten, used for life, but they did all this from grain that could not be eaten.

Now about people

For example, does it happen that you are capricious, mischievous, angry? Mom notices your mood. She cannot help but notice him because you are mischievous and capricious to her, because you are very uncomfortable and uncomfortable, something bothers you, something is missing and you want to stop, but you yourself cannot do it yet, because not old enough yet. And so your mom, realizes that the time is late and, perhaps, you are tired, and tells you that it was a difficult day at your school, you are tired and therefore you are mischievous and naughty, and mom will hug you, maybe take a bathroom or just he will sit with you and chat, have tea and buns, then read a fairy tale before going to bed and you will feel calmer - you will know that you are loved, even when you are capricious and angry. And also, you will learn about yourself that sometimes, when you get very tired, you can be capricious, and you will know when you grow up, how to do so as not to get tired much, and if you’re tired, then how to help yourself to calm down and relax. … So your mother, was a miller, to whom you brought your grain, your harmfulness and whims, which your mother took to the mill, she thought about your condition: “Why is my girl so capricious? Oh, she's probably tired! And she explained what was happening to you, and she also helped you cope with it - mom teaches you - by grinding inedible grain and turning it into flour, and then you can use it like a bun.

This is how psychotherapy works. Clients come with their grain to my mill, and we work together to ensure that the flour is of good enough quality so that he learns as much as possible about himself, learns to take care and accept different things.

And it also happens that we work like a mirror through which a person recognizes himself, makes discoveries, tries to see his facets.

But this is a completely different story, which I have not yet told my nephew.

Sincerely yours, Karine Kocharyan