2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
About anger, part 2.
There was anger at the parent … and at life.
Yes, after the death of a loved one, there is anger at Life. How it works. Remember Woland's words: "Yes, man is mortal, and that would be half the trouble, it's bad that he is also suddenly mortal!" This is how life works: all people will die. Our life is finite. Seemingly simple fact, elementary! But how acutely you begin to feel it, losing a loved one.
It's hard to accept this reality. It means accepting irrevocability, inevitably facing the truth. He's gone. And it will never be now. The fact is not reversible.
In this place fear arises … As a defense against it, anger arises. I do not want to agree with the death of loved ones, with loss and pain, with the fact that I cannot influence it in any way, control my life … and … mine too !!! It is "safer" for me to be angry at death than to live my fear that I will die too. And maybe tomorrow! The fear that my life is just as finite, and I cannot influence it, no one will ask me if I want to die now. Death does not ask your permission and consent, it takes, in an instant, ends life. Without asking loved ones. Are we ready. How will I live without my dad … My opinion, needs and feelings are not taken into account. I am powerless and insignificant in the face of death. And this is SCARY.
That's where the anger comes from. This is where the desire and desire to control everything and everyone in the house comes from: a child, household chores, everyday life, relationships - I must take control of everything, maybe this way I can cheat death, and be ready for it.
So my psyche saved me from the terrible truth. Protections worked. And only at the right moment, I confessed to myself … I am afraid to die. I'm so scared. I have many relatives and they will all die. And it's scary!
There is joy in death.
If we are all mortal, and even suddenly mortal … How wonderful our life is! What a pleasure to live, to feel the need for many things, to want, to seek, to create. The greatest value of life is felt very strongly!
And it's great that loved ones are alive! We are family. We are relatives by blood! Only death makes it possible to feel unity and kinship. We are a family - we are together, we are connected. And how wonderful it is to feel love! Marital love! A close, blood relative has left. And in life there was a man who was once a stranger. But I became so dear !!! How great it is! Life is finite. But intimacy is a gift of fate that compensates for this finiteness. We can give birth and create intimacy again and again! Losing relatives, we can gain them.
In the first days of loss, death is experienced as a universal catastrophe that destroyed the world. It seems that everything has died, and there will be no more life, sun and joy. But gradually I notice: the catastrophe did not happen! Life goes on! Dad died, and it's summer! Life is "in full swing", nothing has stopped, nothing has been destroyed … and so am I!
Death is terrible and beautiful. It drains, and it also gives strength! Thanks to death, I felt the value of life, a thirst to live and be with loved ones, to live in a family, I felt the full depth of family ties. Perhaps the most surprising and pleasant discovery for me was my love for my husband. We grew up and lived without knowing each other. We were completely strangers. And once we met. And what kind of family we have become !!! It's a miracle!
Even when he left me, dad taught me a great lesson. His death showed me what a miracle life is !!!
People experience grief and loss in different ways. The psyche is protected from pain. But without pain there is no progress, joy and happiness. Psychotherapy makes it possible to pass pain, not to hide it, but to really be released. Come to my consultations, I will help you LIVE what is so hard to go through!
** Our loved ones deserve to be cried for them.
*** I express my deepest gratitude and appreciation to my therapist Klyueva Aurita!
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