How To Make The Right Choice?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Why is it so difficult to choose and how to make the right choice and not be mistaken? Do you regret any of your life choices?

How often do you have such that you have to make a decision, choose one of the two, and you just can't decide? You suffer for days and cannot sleep at night, endlessly scrolling through your options in your head, but you still don’t choose anything and this deprives you of the strength to live and enjoy.

This was my big problem for many years. I was constantly hanging in the choice and could not decide on one thing. What work is better to choose, what courses to go to, what to buy and what not to, where is it better to go or not go at all, and whether to even date this man or another, whether to marry me, and what if there is somewhere something or someone better? What if I'm wrong and nothing can be fixed?

I wanted to make the most correct choice so as not to be mistaken. And if I did make a choice, and it turned out to be not ideal, then I began to blame myself for a long time and persistently for having screwed up again.

For a long time I did not even notice how often I find myself in this suspended state. This is not surprising, because I have lived in it for most of my life since childhood, and it has become a familiar background state for me.

One of the first childhood memories was when mom and dad constantly asked me - who do you love more, mom or dad? This question seemed terrible to me and led me to a state of stupor and some kind of dead end, because my parents put me in front of an impossible choice for a child.

When I answered that I love my mom more, dad was offended and left, when he said that I love dad, mom stopped talking to me for a while.

I was torn between my parents, I suffered and did not understand how I could convey to them that I love both of them and I could not choose. Why should I choose at all?

I remember how one day my parents put me to sleep with each other. I turned on the side to face my mom and suddenly thought - dad might be offended! I turned to dad - mom might be offended! It seemed to me that turning my face to my mother, I would reject my father and vice versa.

As a result, I found a way out - I lay on my back, and, although it was completely uncomfortable for me, I froze in this position so that no one would be offended.

This episode from childhood shows very well what happens to a person when he cannot make a choice - he seems to freeze in one state of “no choice”.

Remember the film with Leonardo DiCaprio "Catch Me If You Can". When I looked at it, I saw myself in the main character. The teenager could not make a choice with whom he will stay after the divorce of his parents, whom he loves more. This choice for his psyche was impossible, unbearable, and he ran. He became a fraud, endlessly changing professions, posing as a pilot, then as a doctor.

He could not fix in any way and hung between the world of fantasy and reality, as he was seriously injured. Just as he could not choose mom or dad, he could not choose and find his place in life for a long time.

It was similar with me. The worst choice for a child, and, unfortunately, this often happens when parents divorce, is to choose one parent and, accordingly, reject the other. Since any choice implies losses. Because choosing one, one must refuse, reject or not choose the second.

This is the biggest difficulty and one of the main reasons why we often get stuck in our choice. It is easier not to make a choice than to face the fact that you have to miss something or reject someone.

So women can hang in the endless selection of the best man. They can live in their fantasies, ignoring reality and those who are nearby, missing out on opportunities in pursuit of the illusion of happiness ahead with someone ideal.

From my own experience, I know this painful state of not choosing. Why is it dangerous to be in it for a long time? And the fact is that hanging in the choice is like driving our energy in echelons to nowhere, we just drain it.

If we don’t make a choice, we don’t get new experience and there is no development. And our vital energy, instead of being directed to actions, life and gaining new experience, revolves between virtual options, but in reality nothing changes and does not happen. Energy seems to hang in the choice between options.

It seems to me that the ability to make choices is a good indicator of a psychologically adult and mature person. Because, he understands and is ready for the fact that whatever he chooses - someone may be disappointed with his choice. He may even lose someone or something, but he has the strength to withstand it! Because it is his choice!

Another very important point, in order to make a choice, you need energy and, in a good sense of the word, a strong Ego, and if this is not the case, then often we give our right to choose to another person.

There is a very good film "Mr. Nobody". It seems to me that he is also about the choice, namely, what choice will be the right one? And the meaning of the film, in my opinion, is that, in fact, it doesn't matter what you choose, because by making any choice, you will gain your experience.

Whatever choice you make in life, it will be your path and a unique experience, and this is wonderful. From this philosophical point of view, we can conclude that it is better to make any choice and get your own experience, rather than just hovering between choices. Because I can get a new experience and choose something else from it.

It is important to understand that most of the choices in our life are not fatal and a lot can be changed.

What else helps you make a choice and get out of the freeze state?

Firstly. Sometimes there is simply not enough input and information to choose from. What I mean?

Recently my husband and I got stuck in the choice of a car, which we have long dreamed of buying. We looked closely for a long time, chose, and now we came to the conclusion that we like two cars and both are good and like the design and functionality, and meet our requirements. One sedan, the second a crossover. And we got stuck in the choice. What to do? Both cars are good! The heavy energy of “no choice” hung at home for several days.

And suddenly my husband flies up to me and says - I realized what I was missing to make a choice! We need to do a test drive for two cars. But since he had not yet received the license, that is, they are not yet available, we were denied a test drive.

My husband called other salons, in one of which they went to meet him and promised that they would give us a ride on both. We drove in two cars. And Hallelujah! The choice was made instantly. All the puzzles came together! We have unanimously chosen the Corossover.

Secondly. It is important to allow yourself the right to make a mistake - the right to make the "wrong choice." Or, again, a philosophical moment - to understand that there are no mistakes, no matter what you choose.

What do I do now when I hang out for a long time in a state of no choice?

At first I realize this, because very often we are uncomfortable, and we do not even understand what the reasons are. This is a very unpleasant state, I cannot concentrate on anything and it draws energy out of me. Trying to understand between what and what I am making a choice?

And as soon as I understand this, I tell myself, let me choose one thing, try it, get my own experience. Then, based on this experience, I can choose something else and this scheme began to work for me.

It was an important realization for me that any choice is always a loss, and losses are our price for change. And you can't get away from this.

Whatever we choose, we will lose something. You have to be ready for this. But in order to start acting and in life something began to change - you need to choose one option in one unit of time. This is our physical reality.

Thus, it can be said that there is a certain selection cycle. First, we struggle between several options, weighing the pros and cons, spending a lot of energy on it. And either we remain in this state and nothing changes in life, or we make one choice, while losing the second option.

Energy from freezing in choice is directed to actions and changes in life. We get our experience, on the basis of which we can make the next choice. It's simple.

And how do you make a choice, do you often hang in this state, does it interfere with your life and how do you cope?

Psychologist Irina Stetsenko