How To See YOUR Partner And How To Make The Right Choice For A Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many people fall in love, live and create families not with "their" partners. Often such mistakes result in parting and are explained as follows: "They did not agree with the characters" or "The worldview is different." And someone, on the contrary, is looking for HIS person in a couple all their lives, finds fault with everything in the world and, as a result, does not choose anyone.

I have outlined some important principles that will help you find a TRUE partner to build a happy and strong relationship. These findings are based on the Chinese system of analysis of relationships and destiny (ba-tzu) and my personal experience in psychology. To some extent, they can claim to be scientific, because they are based on science and calculations (on the compatibility of a pair).

1. Be yourself (be aware)

This principle implies working on yourself, possibly with a psychologist, to cleanse your inner space from false I: false desires, alien or false attitudes, etc. Then follows the acceptance of yourself as you are, with all your cockroaches (which are on a second glance may turn out to be just the features of your inner world and, in general, will not interfere with the good flow of your life). Of course, there are traits and inclinations inside each of us that clearly spoil life, but whether it is worth transforming or eradicating it is already decided at a psychologist's appointment or yourself, after careful analysis and work on yourself.

When a person feels in harmony with himself (when he is satisfied with everything in himself) or, at least, when he understands what he should work on and what spoils his life, he begins to see the world from a different, undistorted angle and becomes more conscious of their desires.

He seems to be saying: “I am what I am. I have this character that I accept because I feel that way in emotional comfort. I react to certain things in a certain way, because I am so comfortable and the boundaries of my personality are intact, which means I am calm (happy, stable). That is, a personality acquires INTEGRITY with a certain set of internal qualities necessary for its emotional stability.

As soon as you find unity with your true self, most of the throwing about choosing a partner will disappear by itself. Also, if the person is not "yours", and you suddenly "came to your senses" and became yourself, be ready to part. The false falls off sooner or later.

For example:

The girl has a certain idea about what kind of partner she needs. She put it together from childhood traumas, parental instructions, social values and her own ideas (whims). But having met such a person, she realizes that they do not fit each other (since the ideas turned out to be false) and begins to make compromises to her own detriment. He tries to change, perhaps through pain and reluctance. As a result, either life turns into patience or the couple breaks up, making children.

If a girl had acquired the integrity of her personality BEFORE entering into a relationship, she would not have been looking for a partner to whom she would have to adapt. She would find someone who would accept her and love her for who she is (!). This is the ideal. Further, if circumstances so demanded, minor conflicts can always be smoothed out by compromises. But not self-masochism, when trying to change oneself for a partner. The same is true for men.

2. The language of love

Surely you know five love languages. They work! I checked. The ideal relationship is for those couples whose love languages coincide. That is, your partner gives you on the physical, emotional and other levels what you need MOST. It's great, isn't it? These are the strongest couples.

How to understand what is your love language?

- You can go for a consultation with a psychologist, ba-tzu consultant, or find a test on the Internet.

- You can ask yourself the question: What is most important to me in a partner regarding me and my interests? Are his words important to me? Or attention to all areas of my life? Or actions (gifts)? Or is constant physical contact important to me?

Having answered this question, you will already be looking for the person who can give it to you CAM without your prompts. If your partner does not respond to your love language, then he has a different one.

How to find a partner with your love language?

Difficult, but possible. Because often a person has two love languages: primary and secondary. Therefore, it is important here to properly listen to yourself, which is most important for you in a relationship. I will explain using my technique as an example.

Your love language is support, attention, care, inspiration, care. Specific actions on your part. You tend to choose partners that are younger and / or less experienced than you. You are ready, in principle, to play the role of "daddy" or "mommy".

YOUR partner will need this and will ask you for, for example, good housekeeping, motivation, inspiration, your constantly admiring look and help (he will not be afraid to seem vulnerable). It will be important for him what you do for him.

Your love language is control. You, like an octopus, penetrate into all areas of your partner's life and watch every little thing there. You are dominant.

This means that you control your partner, and he is ready to obey you, give in or compromise. YOUR partner will need control, he will need your presence in all areas of his life, your advice and sometimes decision making for him.

Hidden control, when a courageous man, with the language of love "control", nevertheless, may not want to obey a woman, BUT he will expect her participation in ALL spheres of his life anyway. For example, he goes to the store - she must go with him. At work, she will be told everything in detail, even if she does not understand anything in his field. In sex, he will still expect activity or domination from her.

This love language is relevant for both men and women. If you are a woman, you love to obey you. If a man, then you expect submission from a woman.

Your love language is friendship. You are on an equal footing for your partner. You can have sex and then drink beer. And cuddle in the crib, and then play football.

YOUR partner will expect equal responsibilities from you, will support you in a friendly way, will help you a little, and will definitely not take care of you. Budget, sorrow and joy, bags from the store - all this will be equally divided. He will be ready to chat with you days and nights about this and that.

Your love language is an "empty bowl", I call it. When you expect all kinds of support from your partner: moral, material, emotional. You tend to even choose partners who are older and more experienced than you. You need a "daddy" or "mommy".

YOUR partner will be ready to give you the last shirt, piece of bread, apartment and soul. And all this with pleasure! He will be ready to melt into you.

3. The similarity of worldview and interests

Everything is clear about the worldview. An ideal relationship is when lovers do not look at each other, but in one direction.

From the point of view of ba-tzu technique, it is not necessary to have only interests in life (although it is desirable). This is not the main parameter for evaluating compatibility. And not even the second, and not the third. In the end, if a person is ready to develop, he will be quite interested in learning something new for himself from the life of his beloved (beloved). And some even get bored when all interests are the same.

The point is different. It is important to understand, CAN YOU LEARN FROM YOUR PARTNER something useful to you? This is called "sharing useful resources." It often passes unconsciously, of course.

In general, in life, we tend to choose people who can give us the resource necessary for our development: certain character traits, inclinations, habits, behaviors, tastes, preferences, and so on.

For example, if a person lacks flexibility, gentleness, cunning, he will be drawn to someone who knows how to do this by nature unconsciously. And so, through communication, he will gradually develop these traits in himself. If a person lacks kindness, he will reach for a kind and friendly person. If you need to learn how to get high from life and all its components, a person will be drawn to someone who knows how to get pleasure from life and it will be good for both of them.

Here we are talking about the exchange at the energy level to balance your life, so it is hardly possible to track this consciously and make the same choice. JUST TRUST THE INTUITION. My practice has shown that it deceives few people when it is necessary to make a choice based on this subtle parameter. You will hardly be drawn to the person in the "picture of life" who does not have the resources you need. You will simply not be interested in him and, perhaps, you will not even understand why. And if the first intuition does not work, you will soon realize that his resource is causing you harm or "like a dead poultice" and you will leave yourself.

By observing these three principles, you can find YOUR partner, find happiness in a relationship and carry love and respect for many years. Of course, no one canceled the development when the relationship can no longer be the same for one of the partners. And no one canceled any force majeure circumstances. In this article, I have outlined important points that must be followed in order to find a true partner.