2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What does a healthy relationship look like? How should I feel at the same time?
How can I achieve this? How do I know if this is the right thing?
These are very important and pressing questions that need to be answered. All of us have a need for healthy, intimate relationships. The definition of what exactly is included in the concept of "healthy" is also relevant for everyone.
Be sure you are in a healthy, intimate relationship if you can confirm the following:
1. I can be myself.
2. You can be yourself.
3. We can be us.
4. I can develop.
5. You can develop.
6. We can develop together.
In essence, this is the most important thing. It's amazing that a healthy relationship allows me to be myself - and at the same time, I still don't know who I am, because the process of self-discovery takes a lifetime. Even though you may not have real self-awareness, you immediately sense when you are being prevented from being yourself. You feel it when you are judged. You feel it when you are treated like walking on glass. You feel it when you are afraid to make a mistake.
In reality freedom to be yourself means that your partner will not interfere in your life or judge you for who you are or who you want to become. You, in turn, also give your partner freedom. You accept it as it is and don't try to remake it by manipulating love. You do not fall into the trap of your fantasies about what your partner should be, so that you can then begin to bring it to life. You focus on a real person.
“I accept you unconditionally, and you accept me unconditionally” - this is the basis, the essence. This does not mean that changes in character and behavior are undesirable or impossible.
It only means that you accept the person as he is.
“We are free to be ourselves” - each couple determines for themselves on what common values and interests to build relationships.
First, people need to understand what are the values of each of them, and only then can they build the common from the individual. Some differences are unimportant and can be ignored or tried to work out. For example, problems like “You never close your toothpaste,” or even problems like different denominations, can be easily resolved if desired. But there are also very important things to work on in order to maintain and develop the relationship. Examples of more serious cases: "I don't want children" or "I don't want to see your mother anymore."
Any positive experience can be enhanced by sharing it with a partner. … Enjoying the sunset together, walking along the beach, having a delicious dinner - these are examples of the "we" that makes us want close relationships: "I get richer when I have me, you have you and we have us."
Healthy relationships create the conditions for you to be able to develop. In this supportive atmosphere, you help your partner do the same. Thus, through your own development, you grow together as a couple.
Relationships develop through setting common goals and achieving them together … And here it is not even the goals that are more important, but the process itself, which allows the relationship to develop. It doesn't matter if you reach your intended goal or not, it is important that you share this experience.
Intimacy means that you have a loving relationship with another person, in which there is mutual understanding, in which you feel valued intellectually, emotionally and physically … The more you share, the more close you are.
A healthy relationship should never be a power struggle. You don't both have to think about everything the same way.
A healthy relationship is not symbiosis or dissolution in another person. You don't have to have the same thoughts and feelings.
A healthy relationship is not limited to sex, it is based on the feeling of joy that you can share with the other person what is important to you and discover new things together
Voytits JJ. Adult children of alcoholics: family, work, relationships. Complete VDL handbook.
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