Self-esteem Is A Test Of Self-understanding

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

From one point of view taken separately, self-esteem is a qualitative representation of a person about his personality, his behavior, his feelings and his opinion. Qualitative because this performance provides an opportunity to describe emotionally how we relate to ourselves. It is important to emphasize here, self-esteem is about an emotional attitude. That is, self-esteem is not about logic or reason. And about emotions. That is why a rather harsh statement can be made:

There is no normal self-esteem, just as there are no “normal” emotions.

What then is self-esteem?

The easiest way to start is with low self-esteem.

Here she is well known to you. And reflects the position "I am worse than the people around me." Worse in the broadest sense. The following criteria can be distinguished here:

- I do something worse than others. I can do less, I can less, I do something worse … Emphasis on the negative comparison of my behavior with the behavior of others. This also includes the concept of "others are doing better than me."

- I, as a person and a person, are worse than those around me. Here oneself, one's qualities, characteristics, parameters and needs are compared with those of others. The opposite option implies that the qualities of those around me are better than my own.

- I do not believe in myself and my capabilities. I do not believe that I will be able to somehow positively change what is happening in my life. The opposite option - I know for sure that others are able to change their lives (unlike me; they will definitely succeed, but I will not).

- I do something badly, ineffectively, erroneously, weakly (self-criticism in the format “well, how can I forget this, not do this, or not pay attention to that … but how could I do so badly … than I do thought … ). While others do their job perfectly, cool, excellent.

- I am not worthy of a good life, a good life does not shine for me. There are people who are worthy - their behavior, personality and character are worthy of respect, but I am not worthy of this.

- I always lack the strength to achieve something in my life. I lack confidence, money, looks. And other people have enough resources in full and in various spheres of their lives.

- About me I can think of something bad, critical, blaming me and I can not stand it. I cannot, as others, ignore criticism and emotional pressure.

- It is hard for me to realize that life is unfair (well, why is this with me … well, what is it for me?). Well, why other people are lucky and get so much about life?

And now an important nuance … Low self-esteem is NOT a bad thing. I'm serious! An almost perfect parallel can be drawn between low self-esteem and primitive psychological defenses. Yes, these are not the best ways to adapt to life in society. But there is fish in the absence of fish and cancer. Also, such self-esteem reflects the orientation of you towards the realization in your life of needs such as approval, acceptance, attractiveness and family. Such self-esteem helps to adjust to other people, adapt and be an integral part of social relationships. An important nuance! We are talking about adaptation on the machine, without pronounced conscious efforts. And one more important point. Low self-esteem is not karma, it is a functional state that can always be changed by making a sufficient amount of already conscious effort.

The second type of self-esteem is heightened self-esteem.

I think you are familiar with it too. It reflects the position of "I am better than other people." Better, again, in the broadest sense. I am faster, stronger, smarter, more cunning, more efficient. Well, further in the same spirit. Such self-esteem helps you to bend the world around you, gaining attention, recognition, power.

- I do something better than others. I can do more, can do more, do something better … Emphasis on superior comparison of my behavior with the behavior of others. This also includes the concept “others are definitely worse changing”.

- I, as a person and person, are better than those around me. Here there is an attempt to put on a personal pedestal and / or in the center of attention of their qualities, merits, achievements and behavior. The opposite option implies criticism of the qualities, characteristics, behavior and achievements of others.

- I believe that I and my capabilities are more than enough to achieve success. I believe that I will only have positive changes in my life. The opposite option - I know for sure that others are mired in problems, difficulties and stress. I see their future in a pessimistic light.

- I am doing something cool, virtuoso, excellent, amazing (we are talking about a variety of options from bragging to idealizing myself and my behavior). The opposite option is self-affirmation at the expense of others, which includes demonstrating how to behave and behave correctly, how to achieve a result.

- I deserve the best that life can give regardless of my efforts. That is, I am worthy a priori a lot. And I am worthy much more than those around me, simply because they are not me.

- I will easily, quickly and successfully achieve what I set as my goal. And it doesn't matter what it will cost me, and how I will achieve it. The main thing is to desire what you want. All the rest is to follow. The other way around is that a bad dancer is always missing something. And there is always a lack of whiners and limited people.

- If someone says something negative about me, it’s because this person doesn’t really understand anything in life and doesn’t know anything about me. Everyone who criticizes me will simply receive an adequate rebuff from me. I will make this person shut up or take back their words. In the end, such a person can be upset by pointing out his own shortcomings.

- I want to take everything I can from life. And if someone or something interferes with me, I will push through the obstacles. After us - even a deluge.

There will be nuances here too … High self-esteem makes you a more conflicted, aggressive, expansive person. Which, in general, is quite natural. Until the level of overestimated self-esteem reaches a certain conditional limit, followed by the territory of narcissism. A distinctive feature of which is the loss of life efficiency due to the disparity between your ideas about yourself and your real capabilities. Once again. High self-esteem is not a bad thing. This is just a way to catch a sense of inner balance, faced with the fact that the world is not particularly burning to give us everything that we want to receive from it. After all, the phrase “to assert ourselves at someone else's expense” is not only about the inadequacy of oneself. It is also about the desire to assert oneself.

The third type of self-esteem is idealized self-concept.

In this case, we are talking about the fact that there is a certain artificial bar within us, to which we strive. Who sets the bar and when is a big question. These can be significant people parents, ourselves. This type of self-esteem is a self-assessment of self-development, personal growth, orientation towards changes and changes in our life.

- I do, what I do is much better than I did before. That is why I must grow and develop further.

- I have a lot of good things. And at the same time, there are certain character traits that I need to change. And there are many skills I need to acquire. I have a vector of development, and I strive to become better and stronger.

- I believe that at each new level of development, new opportunities and new resources open up that can be used to achieve results.

- I do a lot and I do it well, but I have to try harder and then I can really succeed. I did something pretty good, but you can do it much better. And worth a try.

- That person is worthy of a lot, who does not stand still. Who does not whine and does not waste time. I have to be an effective, decent person.

- I have to try to achieve something in this life. And I have to try even harder to achieve a lot in my life.

- Whoever and whatever told me about me and what I do, only I myself determine what I do and how much to invest in my plans and deeds.

- I have to do everything that is planned. I have to invest in my business better and more, because I may not be able to do a lot.

The main nuance idealized self-esteem is the authorship of our inner planks. Who and when, and for what purpose put these bars into our heads. It depends on how useful idealized self-esteem is for you and me. The higher the degree of social authorship, the higher the likelihood of triggering a neurotic conscience (and absorbing oneself with guilt and shame when assessing one's life path). The higher the degree of one's own authorship, the higher the affinity of such self-esteem with the realization of the need for growth and development. And idealized self-esteem often leads to stoppage (not to be confused with procrastination) - to constant attempts to do something, to embrace everything and to difficulties in stopping in time.

The fourth type of self-esteem is result-oriented self-assessment.

The essence of such self-esteem is that you do not compare yourself to anyone or anything. You are only focused on what you can or cannot in a given situation. And that's all. It doesn't matter if you are worse than someone or better than someone else, you can do or did what you did. The very assessment of "ability" is important. In such a self-assessment, there are no quantitative gradations from the series "not bad", "good", "excellent". There is only an option of own capabilities. This self-esteem has a high affinity for the need for change.

- I can do what I can. I can invest my knowledge, strength, experience, enthusiasm to get what is planned.

- I can be who I can. I can take advantage of my characteristics, strengths, merits, to get what is planned.

“I can take advantage of the opportunities that I have available right now.

- I can do something. I can appreciate what happened. I can redo the result obtained or change plans and achieve something else.

- I can formulate for myself the criteria of what a decent life is. I can live according to what a decent life is.

- I can do something with the level of strength that I have now. Or I can look for some additional resources to achieve the desired result.

- I can answer the opinion of another person about me. I can insist on my vision of the situation. I can argue with what the other person is saying.

- I can only what I can. And it's useless to waste time regretting what I can't.

And there is a nuance here … Effective self-esteem does not mean necessarily achieving all that is set in front of oneself. It only means how you evaluate yourself and your approach to life. The real results will depend on a combination of many factors. Plus, effective self-esteem requires a high degree of resource mobilization and, at the same time, a greater level of emotional restraint. That is, its regular use can be a guarantee of … neurasthenia, psychosomatics or banal chronic fatigue. I.e:

There is no correct, adequate self-esteem!

Yes, one could say that low self-esteem is something less desirable than the other three types of self-esteem. But perfect self-esteem simply does not exist. In fact, you can only talk about what type of self-esteem you have more often. And also about the degree of awareness of your self-esteem. After all, any type of self-esteem is the less effective in life, the lower the degree of your awareness in terms of what self-esteem you have.

And further.

Self-esteem cannot be unequivocal and cannot be lifelong … Under the influence of thinking and / or emotions (for example, from the degree of significance of the situation and the potential benefit for ourselves), under the stressful pressure of life situations, we can easily move in our assessments from “I can” to “I should”, “I am cool, I have it will definitely work out "or to" how can I do this?"

Well, with regards to the growth zone.

I would say that what is commonly referred to as healthy self-esteem is similar to the formula:

Healthy Self-Esteem Formula = this is a conscious self-esteem + self-understanding + self-acceptance + self-motivation + emotional shields from others + effective thinking.

That is, if you want "healthy" self-esteem - develop those skills that are hidden behind its majestic facade.

Good luck with that.

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