KIDS PLAYGROUND: SURVIVAL INSTRUCTIONS

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The long-awaited warmth has come and the season of playgrounds is in full swing - sandboxes, carousels and swings. Some of the mothers are looking forward to the first children's exits to the "society", someone with trepidation chooses the first buckets, for others, on the contrary - the prospect of endless sharing of toys and communication with other mothers turns out to be so frightening that they announce children's sites with universal evil and solemnly vow to bypass them.

Be that as it may, there are hardly any children who during their childhood will be able to avoid visiting playgrounds / rooms and children's groups in principle (and, accordingly, conflict situations). Therefore, communication on the playground is a kind of demo version of their mini-society in kindergartens, schools and other children's groups, and this is an extremely useful stage - when this child's interaction is accompanied by a mother (dad, grandmother, nanny), and in this way and the basic rules of social life are taught. In this article, I will try to give answers to the most common questions that mothers have when they encounter the first conflicts in playgrounds, and I will also list the basic rules of behavior, taking into account the age characteristics of children. So…

AT WHAT AGE SHOULD I LEAD A CHILD TO THE PLAYGROUND?

The answer can only be given by a parent, because only YOU know the characteristics of your child, his abilities and needs! Consequently:

- if the child still pulls everything into his mouth, licks everything that comes into his reach - there is no need to play in the sandbox. The sandbox is not at all a "must visit place", there are no prescriptions when it is "time" or "necessary"! Yes, sand is an excellent material for the development of fine motor skills, most children love to tinker in it, but it is not at all critical if this happens not in a year, but in two.

? if the baby is afraid of children, hides in his mother's arms and cries when approaching the playground - no need to force and force events! The same recommendation is also relevant for toddlers who have become afraid of children and / or playgrounds after some conflict or other unpleasant situation for the child - give the child time to forget and turn on the interest again. The real NEED FOR COMMUNICATION and joint play appears in children at + -3 years old, when the role-playing game becomes the leading activity. In a year, other "kids are interesting" in about the same way as sticks, caterpillars and flowers. That is interesting, of course, as well as ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING new, unusual, bright, unusual. In other words, for a one-year-old toddler, a child is, in fact, still just an object for study, which can also be manipulated in some way. At this age, there is still no concept of friendship, the game has the character of “you have an interesting toy, give me,” and a little later it reaches the level of “playing alongside” (not to be confused with joint play, the essential difference of which is the distribution of roles and the establishment of common rules, and which appears at the age of 3-4 years). Therefore, there is no need to force the child to "play with the children." Observe the child: you will definitely see when he shows interest in communicating with peers, and there is absolutely no need to force and forcefully “socialize”.

I would also like to say about socialization. I know that modern parents are very much concerned about the child being socialized, and they believe that the earliest possible placement of the child in kindergarten will contribute to this. This is a huge misconception. What is socialization? Wikipedia gives the following definition: "Socialization is the process of integrating a person into a social system, entering the social environment through mastering its social norms, rules and values, knowledge, skills that allow it to function successfully in society."And now the most important thing: "The family is of the greatest importance in primary socialization, from where the child gets his ideas about society, about its values and norms." No one and nothing better than parents and family will provide a child at this age with the necessary level of understanding of how the world works, what rules and norms of behavior exist in society. A team of children will not instill good manners and will not teach how to communicate and make friends, how to quarrel and reconcile correctly, how to defend and defend their interests, all this is the task of parents! But having already learned all of the above, it makes sense to release the child on a "big voyage". Hence the next point:

WHEN IS IT POSSIBLE TO RELEASE A CHILD TO PLAY INDEPENDENTLY ON THE COURT?

A child under three years old on the playground must be supervised by an adult! That is, mom should be in close proximity and audibility, and not nearby on a bench. Because only at the age of 3, the primary self-awareness of the baby begins to form, he begins to establish the first cause-and-effect relationships and learn to draw conclusions, he has an arbitrariness and the ability to control his behavior, focusing not only on momentary impulses. Accordingly, up to this age, a mother should be close to just teach the rules of interaction, as well as to ensure the safety of both her child and those around her. Moreover, with a child up to 2-2, 5 years old, you need to be close at arm's length. Firstly, to voice various dialogues instead of the child, while he does not speak himself, thus teaching how it is worth communicating. And secondly, in the event of sand wars / toy showdowns / swing divisions - to keep abreast and resolve problem situations, explaining how best to proceed.

WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD IS HYSTERIC WHEN YOU GO TO LEAVE THE SITE?

Every mother is familiar with the situation when the baby refuses to leave the site and go home at the first request. But for some parents, this moment becomes a truly test, which they begin to fear even before going out. What to do in such cases?

Understand that your child has the right to feel frustrated or even angry at being deprived of a pleasant time.

Help the kid prepare for the fact that he will have to leave the site: start reporting that you are leaving, for example, in half an hour (“in half an hour we will go home: now we’ll build a castle / ride / slide down a slide 5 times - and we will stomp home”), Then repeat this monologue every 10 minutes, reminding that time is running out and you have already completed part of the plan.

When the time comes, fold your things and pack, do not give in to persuasion to stay a little longer.

Be consistent: once you've agreed on a sequence of actions, stick to it. Children need to have a sense of boundaries and boundaries, and the parent is the figure who enforces the rules.

Do not start a new activity later than 15-20 minutes before leaving home: the baby may get carried away and even more reluctant to leave.

Console your child when he starts to be capricious: voice that you understand his condition, and if you could, you would play in the sand until nightfall, but now is the time for lunch / sleep / go to the store and you need to do it.

Stay calm and do not try to calm your baby in any way: he needs time to recover. There is nothing catastrophic in the fact that other mothers see and hear that your child is capricious. They have exactly the same living children who have sound. Much weirder looks a rushing mother, who does not know how to calm her child and is ready to even stand on her head and beat a tap dance, if only her little one calms down. A child needs a confident parent who knows what to do, and only such a parent can become a fulcrum for a child who still finds it difficult to cope with their emotional world.

If you feel that you are overwhelmed by panic at the mere thought of a child's tantrum in a public place - both you and the child will be better off avoiding them for a while. Because over time, screeching and screaming will become the main way for your little one to get what he wants, and you will soon realize that you are not coping … Meanwhile, improve your parental competence and work through your personal fears and anxieties with specialists (psychologists, psychotherapists).

HOW TO BE IF A CHILD IS TOGETHER?

For about a year, many parents note that babies are beginning to show "an active interest in children." Very often this interest is expressed in attempts to pick an eye, tug at the hair, and pinch the cheeks. Yes, babies at this age are very tactile and want to check everything by touch. Therefore, parents should carefully monitor the actions of the baby and always be on the alert when the little one begins to “communicate” closely: hold his hand, show how to gently touch or stroke (and not just say “no beat”), directing his hand with his own. If the baby, in a fit of enthusiasm, often hurts, it is better to avoid such close communication with strangers for a while and continue at home - on family members, pets, to teach accurate tactility, to play pleasant bodily games.

At about 2-3 years old, children can begin to be aggressive, defending their interests. Many parents fear that such a child will grow up to be a bully or a fighter. But this is also an age-related feature, to one degree or another expressed in each child. As you already understood, on average up to 3 years this is a variant of the norm. At the same time, this does not mean that everything needs to be left to chance, so that the children “figure it out themselves”. Parents are responsible for their child on the playground! This means that it is necessary to be close and to prevent the physical influence of the baby, to explain how to ask / take / share, etc. If the child does not respond to requests and persuasion, leave the playground or the children's company. In parallel, the baby should be taught to express his emotions in an acceptable way, to develop his social and emotional intelligence.

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR CHILD IS ABUSED?

To begin with, it is worth realizing that children perceive "resentment" completely differently than we - adults. For a child, absolutely any non-working situation can turn out to be "offensive": they did not give the bucket they wanted; do not allow to eat sand; I don't want to get off the swing. It is important to understand that in any of these situations, your baby will feel frustrated and, as a result, cry and / or scream. This is a normal age reaction! This is how the child needs to react to his negative emotions caused by the discrepancy between the desired and the actual. Therefore, the situation when someone did not share the car with your child or took the bucket away is not a tragedy, but another reason to feel that not everything in life will happen according to his will. There is no need for a child who caused negative feelings in your baby to hang labels ("what an ill-mannered boy!") And give marks ("a bad girl offended our baby!"). Just comfort your child and help him cope with disappointment. Believe me, your child will also in due time more than once “offend” other children in this way, so you should not dramatize it.

WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD HAS BEEN STRIKED?

To begin with, let's dwell again on the age characteristics of children under 3 years old. For about a year, many mothers notice that the baby can begin to beat, push, throw what is in his hands. And they interpret this as aggressiveness. But the reason is different: firstly, the baby tries the world "for strength" in this way, and secondly, for him it is also one of the ways to react to negative experiences. A child up to at least 3 years old is not able to cope with the surging disappointment, and if his desire is not satisfied immediately, he can push and hit the one who caused this (for example, your baby did not want to swap the beads). That is why it is necessary to be close, in order to be able to protect your baby in the event of such a reaction from the outside (explaining to his child: "The boy wanted to take your bead, and was upset, but it is not nice to beat / push / pull out of his hands. You need to ask or offer to change" …And, importantly, to stop the attempts of your child in such situations to use force by speaking the situation in the same way, as well as to comfort him in case the child is very upset if he does not get what he wants.

In a situation where, nevertheless, your child was pushed / hit:

• In no case should you beat the abusive child in return;
• You can not start reading / educating / insulting not your child!
• Say “Stop! You can not do it this way! It hurts / unpleasant! " Likewise, you signal the other child and teach your toddler how to speak and behave in such situations.
• If conversations do not affect the child, take YOUR baby out of the danger zone.

Believe me, sooner or later your child will be GUARANTEED in the same situation and you, most likely, will also not like that strangers use force against him or give impartial assessments. Yes, the mother's heart always reacts very sharply to when her child is offended, but you should not dramatize: these are children - it happens, it happens to everyone)

DO YOU NEED TO TEACH A CHILD TO SHARE YOUR THINGS?

A very burning question for many. Of course, you need to teach how to share and change with other children your toys in a common sandbox. Only from this does not follow the conclusion that the child SHOULD share - otherwise "greedy". Let us consider in more detail the psychological aspect of the concept of "share". To begin with, until the period when the child does not yet have the pronoun "I" in speech (that is, the primary, but already a clear idea of his separation from his mother and the world in general has not been formed) - he does not see the difference between the concepts of "mine" / "Yours" and "yours" / someone else's ". About two years old, there comes a period when the baby gradually develops a sense of ownership and begins to zealously follow his toys. Until this age, everything in his field of vision is automatically considered "mine." In addition, the child's brain is tuned to the constant learning of everything new and the child is simply attracted by a magnet to everything that he sees for the first time. That is why the toys of other children on the playground are always more interesting than their own and the kid immediately reaches out to them. This is also normal behavior for a toddler under 3 years old. At the same time, parents need to teach their son or daughter, which is the concept of "their own" and "someone else's": mother's, father's, other children - and such things cannot be taken. Such rules should be established at home, with the family.

Often times, the beads in the sandboxes become "common" for everyone who is in it. But even in this case, you should indicate to your kid: "We will now take this little train from the boy to play, and then we will return it, because it is someone else's toy," if, for example, it is not customary to ask permission at your playground. After the game, you must certainly return the owner of his property, voicing to your little one "We played and we need to return and say" thank you ", because this is not ours."

If the baby wants to take a toy that another child is playing, ask if it is possible for you to play, offer to exchange toys, but if the owner is against it, calmly explain to your baby (even if he is very upset) that now you cannot take it, because it is not your thing. Comfort your little one and offer an alternative. The child should not be taught that he can get anything at the first request. We live in a society, and the border of our desires and interests ends where we meet the interests of others.

If they want to take away a toy from your child, tell your son or daughter: “The baby wants to play with your airplane, can I?”. If the child is against it, tell the person who is asking (“we cannot give you this toy now, because we are playing ourselves”). Offer him something in return, ask him to wait until your child finishes playing - calmly and without dramatizing say the situation, and over time your speech will become an instrument in the hands of the child, who will know how to solve such questions verbally.

It is necessary from early childhood to instill in a child respect for someone else's property, and at the same time take into account his own interests. Thus, you will contribute to the formation of a sense of boundaries in the baby, which will have a beneficial effect on the formation of self-esteem and self-worth.

WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE?

As a rule, after 2 years, a period may begin when the child is indignant, defending his own - this is a good sign that speaks of a normal sense of ownership. The correct attitude towards her grows out of respect for your things and the things of those close to you. If the kid does not want to share or give his toys, even if he himself does not play them at the moment, there is no need to force him, shame and call him “greedy”. Attention! The same principle is relevant if you do not want to share with your child! This moment is especially acute for mothers of babies, when “older” children do not share with them. It seems to be "such an adult that he is sorry to please the kid"? And you put yourself in his place. For you, this is just another insignificant doll, a bead, a stick, and for a three-year-old, for example, this is a "sleeping daughter", "bird's nest" or "laser pistol". Well, in fact, would you go up to a stranger on the street and ask him to ride your stroller with your child or ride in a car? Do not discount the world of children, show your child an example of respect for others. Someday your one-year-old will also become an "adult" three-year-old, who may also not want to share with a child who is completely uninteresting to him.

And finally. The main principle that should be followed when communicating with other children is to imagine that you are a “stranger” mother who communicates with your child. How would you like to react to your baby when he does not share a toy or accidentally pushes a neighboring child? And such situations will definitely be, and it is not always necessary to arrange a tribunal between mothers on the topic "who started first" and "who is more to blame." These are children - throughout their childhood they endlessly fall, push, fight, snatch toys from each other, bully and take offense. Sometimes they do it on purpose, but more often (especially during the "sandy" childhood) - unintentionally, simply because they are children and have not yet fully mastered their emotions and body motility. Do not exaggerate the severity of situations and interfere with their "adult" assessments of the behavior of children: they are just learning how to behave so as not to harm others - neither physically nor emotionally. And the task of an adult is to carefully accompany, explain, protect. Yes, we all have to meet completely different children and their mothers, both on the playground and in children's groups (kindergartens, schools, various circles), who will have radically different approaches to education. And sometimes it can cause misunderstanding, bewilderment, even condemnation. Because motherhood and parenting are as if through a magnifying glass the system of values, life guidelines and priorities of each family. And yes, we are all really very different - each with its own history of motherhood, childhood and life in general. And this is normal, this is life - and it is very different and varied. But it is very important to learn to politely interact with others (no matter how different they are) and teach your children this!

May your walks be joyful and conflict-free!)