2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Mom, will you be my wife?" − the son timidly asks his mother. "Daddy, when I grow up and mom gets old − I will be your match " − a little daughter flirts with her father. I think you have heard similar phrases from the lips of your children and most likely said similar things yourself in preschool age. This is the so-called - "Oedipal period" or "Oedipus complex" − attraction to the parent of the opposite sex. Are you horrified, the terrible word "incest" scrolled in your head? Do not worry, the oedipal period has an indirect relationship to it (we will not delve into it, these are already mental problems). Here's how to react to a child in the oedipal phase of development so as not to harm? Let's talk about this.
Everything according to Freud
The Oedipus complex was described in his works by Sigmund Freud at the beginning of the twentieth century. It is expressed in the romantic love of a child with a parent of the opposite sex. The usual normal formation of the personality, which all children, without exception, live three to six years old. Back in the 1950s, the famous Dr. Spock described the Oedipal period in his book “The Child and His Care” as follows: “Boys have love feelings for their mother, and girls for their father. Until now, the boy's love for his mother was determined by his strong dependence on her and differed little from the feelings of infancy. But now romantic traits appear in her, he begins to harbor feelings for her that are more characteristic of his father. At 4, for example, he decides to marry his mother when he grows up. The kid still does not quite understand the essence of marriage, but he firmly knows which of the women most attracts him in this world. The girl, for whom her mother continues to be an example, develops the same feelings for her father. Such romantic attachment promotes the spiritual growth of children, develops healthy feelings for the opposite sex. All this will help children to create normal families in the future. But these feelings have another aspect that brings some discomfort to the child's life ….. As she grows up, the girl also increasingly wants to become the only beloved creature for her father. Sometimes a desire arises in her that something should happen to her mother, whom she continues to love deeply, and they stay with their father alone. For example, she can tell her mother: “If you want, you can leave for a long time. Dad and I can handle it fine ourselves. But it seems to her that her mother is also jealous of her father, and begins to experience deep inner feelings."
Sissy
It's funny to watch when a son confesses his love for his mother, when he experiences romantic feelings for her and promises to marry, despite having a father. The Oedipal period is very important for boys. For the first time (and not for the last time) he enters the struggle for attention. He may feel a sense of alienation towards his father, unwillingness to share his mother with him, jealousy. The boy realizes his belonging to the stronger sex, trying to win his place in the family hierarchy. At the same time, in every possible way imitating dad. After the Ediapal period, his life will not be the same. Rivalry will fit tightly into it.
Daddy's dotsya
Outwardly, girls of the Oedipus complex experience more calmly than boys. In fact, their transition is even more painful. Boys don't have to choose between first love. Mom remains her. The girl must make a choice. It is not in favor of the mother. Since the nature of girls and boys is different, boys conquer the world with aggression, a girl with coquetry. She tries to be like her mother, twisting her dad with tenderness and attention in every possible way. Inside, she has a volcano of jealousy, she does not want to share her father with anyone. It is generally difficult for children to cope with emotions when they are on the verge of love and hate. − and even more so.
How can you help to survive?
Parents hack it on the nose: the child must go through this phase. It does not need to be facilitated, it is no less important than the correct formation of the genitals. Parents should not make fun of the child's feelings. Mom should not be cold about her son's declarations in love. Her play in "The Snow Queen" will result in a fear of building relationships, fall in love, in a fear of women. Mom should not be overly responsive to rivalry with her daughter. A little girl, ridiculed by her mother, can grow up with deep complexes in front of men, sexual dysfunction, or, conversely, promiscuity. Dad, in turn, should not beat off his wife from the “rival” or scoff at the feelings of his son, all the more to punish physically for them. Aggressive reactions will develop into hatred of the father and the inability to build adequate, partner relationships with men in the future.
How to react?
No matter how cute the calls of the son to marry his mother sound, the mother must explain - this is impossible, she is married, she has a man − dad. In the future, the son will meet a beautiful girl and marry her. No matter how mildly coquettish the daddy does, the dad should also react calmly, explaining that he will not get rid of mom - she is his woman. Parents, focus on your relationship as much as possible, not giving even the slightest hope of taking the place of one of you in the triangle. Express your love for your child through love for each other. You shouldn't hide in corners in fear of hurting a child's feelings. Tenderness and respect for children −contributes to the correct formation of the child's sexual personality. He must live through jealousy. And the point. Then by the age of six, the son will reconcile and let his mother go in order to win the appreciation of the opposite sex. Daughter, take her father as an example of an ideal partner and start looking for him outside the walls of the house.
If you see that the child's oedipal complex is extremely difficult, there is excessive aggression or isolation, it is better to turn to a specialist. Help the children go through this difficult period of formation calmly.
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