2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Listening to my clients and acquaintances, I noticed one trend. In many situations that should have brought joy to a person, they bring sadness and disappointment.
For example, let's say you set a goal to double your income within a year. At the end of the year, summing up your earnings, you find that you managed to raise your income by 60% of the planned one and, instead of enjoying what you have achieved, you are more upset about it.
Or you wanted your significant other to give you a laptop for the holiday, and when you unfold the gift, you see a scarf. It is unlikely that you will experience joy at this moment. Or, for example, you go fishing and return with one caught fish, thinking that it would be better for you not to go anywhere.
At first glance, everything is quite simple, in all cases you wanted and expected more. But let's take a closer look at what is happening.
In each case, you had a more or less specific goal and corresponding expectations. Let's think of this as a darts target, where - 10 is exactly what you would like to get, and 0 is a complete lack of what you want. You throw a dart and hit 6. And at this moment the most important thing happens - what determines our attitude to what is happening, whether we will be happy or upset. The process of comparison with the desired result begins. And most people rate how much they missed, in this case by 4 points. Next comes the disappointment of being so far from the top ten.
The same happens in life situations - when we receive a part of what we want, we begin to grieve that we "missed" so much. This principle can be used in all areas of life and as a result - constant depression, lack of strength and energy.
Less commonly used is a different assessment principle that brings more confidence and joy. Getting into the top six, it is not the number of points that we didn’t get to the top ten that is evaluated, but how many we were able to score more than zero.
As a result, we feel pleasure from the accumulated quantity, and not from the shortage. If we evaluate the result in terms of what is missing, we thereby level our achievement, accordingly devalue what has been achieved and feel disappointment.
What prevents the use of this evaluation principle?
1. Inadequate assessment of their capabilities. We tend to overestimate our capabilities in complex activities. And instead of adjusting our beliefs about our abilities, we blame circumstances and people.
2. A common habit that could pass to us from our social circle, parents and friends. After the mechanism becomes a habit, it is quite difficult to understand this process, notice and fix it. He is simply out of our field of vision, and what is not realized is extremely difficult to purposefully change.
3. Representation "should". Since this is possible, then we should have done it or, trying something for the hundredth time, we believe that this time it should work. But often we miss the influence of other factors or are completely mistaken in our idea.
And the most important thing:
The goal is always a deviation from the result. The goal is an idealized image of what we want, and it never coincides with what we get as a result. Perhaps this is precisely what prevents us from enjoying what we have received, because it is always different from the goal.
Objectively perceiving your capabilities and evaluating the result from zero, and not from ten, you will be able to enjoy life to a much greater extent.
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