Frustrated Parents: Frustrated Children

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Over the years, many adults lose faith in their own strength and cannot cope with the disappointment of unfulfilled youthful hopes or ambitious adult plans. Despite this, such adults have families, give birth to children.

The family usually becomes a place for them where they can pour out their bitterness without fear and in the hope of pity, care, support and sympathy.

Is there a chance for children, looking at such depressed parents, to become successful, learn to overcome failures steadfastly, find their own meaning in life?

The French psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto says the following about this.

"Depressed fathers, dissatisfied with the way their life has developed, develop in their children the belief that all efforts are in vain, any work is useless, initiative is always met with hostility, and the world is hostile and unfriendly

How often do men in responsible positions, when they come home, begin to complain: "Damn job, no one needs a profession … I struggle, but everything is in vain."

It is oppressive for a very young child if he hears from his father every now and then complaints about the ruined life. This paternal position is permeated with sadism. Instead of encouraging seeking, it undermines the child's vitality

She also expresses disappointment with the social environment in which the child's family enters. Because any actions make sense only in community with other people and for the sake of other people; in essence, frustrated parents are people who have not worked with others, for others, or with their age group. But such a life, devoid of a sense of belonging to a team, devoid of a social purpose, stems from the fact that in our time, contrary to great social theories that people do not take to heart, sophisticated narcissism flourishes.

In vain do fathers tell their children: “Take care of the future; make an effort not to be left without work … "Sons resist:" What's the point, because working like you is like dying for me. " The father is either a bulimic ambitious, an activist, crushed by his own success, because he is a slave to his success, or a failure; in both cases,

if the child is not prompted to be critical of the people and phenomena he is observing, he decides that he needs to do as the father does, and that there is no other way

If a father who has done a great job to achieve success, and at fifty turned out to be rich, but immensely tired, or lost friends, lost his cheerfulness, became bilious, or went bankrupt, says to his son: “At your age I worked! I did this, I did this … ", the child thinks:" Yes, and this is what he ended up with; Probably, it is better not to deny yourself the joys today, because he denied himself everything - and what has he achieved?"

Undoubtedly, young people need to be instilled with confidence, and at the same time they need to be stimulated; but for this you need to instill in her confidence in her own strength and the willingness to follow her own path. Therefore, you should not talk with children about success or failure, and they need to serve as an example today, and not in the past.

Let my father say: “When I started, it seemed to me that my work has a meaning; but now, apparently, the competition has become too great, and I cannot withstand the competition; there are people who still achieve success in my profession, but I cannot. But if you don’t want to hear about it, if you want to do something else, choose your own path - it will be more correct.”

By this, the father does not lock the child on his own failures, but encourages him to join the game and maintains the spirit of struggle in him, opens up new horizons for him.

Parents do not see anything wrong with talking about their disappointment, about their depression with children under the age of ten after returning from work, justifying themselves by the fact that the child “does not understand anything yet”. They do not think to restrain themselves, they do not care at all what the little witness of their complaints feels at the same time. They give themselves free rein.

A strange way to form a model for children who still depend on adults for everything!

People do not think about how their speech and behavior will resonate in a small child, because they usually assume that the child is in its infancy - like a larva. And the larva can be inflicted with any wound, because the caterpillar has no value in their eyes. They behave as if the butterfly admiring them has nothing to do with this caterpillar. Biological nonsense! In fact, any detrimental effect on the larva is potentially harmful to the mutating creature, and the coming butterfly will be unsuccessful."

To summarize the above, it turns out that the child's attitude to the world around him and his place in this world is formed in family relations.

If parents, when faced with difficulties, do not use anything to change their lives except to state their dissatisfaction with their lives, use the passive method of "whining and regretting what happened," then their child will naturally be the only opportunity formed at an early stage of development. He will have no other mental means to survive the stressful periods of his life.

Because he did not see another and he did not master other methods.

Therefore, before you complain about life with a child, think about what kind of future you want for your children.

What can you do for this?

What position should you take for this in the family?

And, perhaps, this will be an incentive to change your conversations with children and active life actions.