2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are different ways to solve problems. The only question is which method is within the power of you personally. And in the quality of life that he provides you.
We all feel bad at times. Stress at work, family conflicts, life disorder, loss of a loved one, midlife crisis, rethinking yourself and life in general.
Bad things happen in different ways: sickeningly vicious - sad when everyone around is "freaks and goats." Or it’s desperately lonely when you want to cling to someone’s hand so that you will be warmed, caressed, regretted and given hope. And sometimes it is echoingly empty so that, only with your teeth turned to the wall and a fixed gaze into emptiness, you can be. And then it seems like there will never be a way out of it.
“Bad” is different. And yet, there are universal methods that people use to help themselves.
human way. people
"Hear me and share my pain!"
Close people are the strongest support. If you have someone to rely on, someone who will lend a shoulder in difficult times, with whom you can just talk heart to heart, someone you can ask, and he will give - you are a happy person. No fools. Appreciate this. Many people don't have that.
If you have a close friend with whom you can just meet and play without a drop of alcohol and after that you feel warm, light and at the same time filled with soul - you are a rare lucky.
This trick does not work with alcohol. In the case of bottle sittings, you are in the company of the substance and not with the other person. Friends in this case play the role of a background, like a TV on. And everyone is in company with themselves.
creation
"Find a container for the senses"
If you can pour your feelings on paper, single, express them in dance, convey them with music, you are very lucky. You have found a container outside for what is happening inside you. In addition, out of the torment of your own soul, you manage to give birth to something more.
If you do not like paints and colored pencils you associate only with the younger group of kindergarten, then take your ballpoint pen and in your notebook depict what you are feeling now. Feel better? That's it.
Write, describe what happened to you. Whether it's a diary or a letter to yourself, or to someone that you never send, doesn't really matter. The paper will endure. Write everything. Write while it goes, write more often.
Stand up and express movement - tell your body a story that is happening to you. Create your own dance, pantomime, scene, depict the theater of one actor.
Open a site with works of photo artists - among the many photos, look for something that reflects your current state. Perhaps you will notice that you get a tape of photographs, where you can trace the dynamics from darker works to lighter, more peaceful, giving comfort and hope.
nature
Rough tree trunks, wet falling leaves, soft withered grass, elastic, smooth chestnuts, odorous mushrooms, wind, rain and thunderstorm, noisy waves, incredible cold sunrises and warm sea sunsets, the air smelling of dew … There is something that is given to us for free.
But if you are really "covered" - neither nature nor creativity will help you. And the resource of loved ones is also not unlimited. When a vile mud rises from the soul, and the only thing that has the strength is to hiss at everyone or lie facing the wall, the surest way is to go to a psychotherapist. This specially trained person will withstand you and your mud, he will be able to survive it. And he will rake with you the groans of your soul. If he thinks that the resources of your psyche are now not enough to digest the crisis, he will send you to a psychiatrist. He will look and, possibly, prescribe medications. I personally know people who are helped to survive by drug therapy, but in my practice there are more of those who manage to rake and swim out of this mud on their own into the light and clean water. It's just that most of us need support at some point.
people choose other ways to support themselves and breathe life into their existence:
(Each of these methods has a serious cost)
children
When your soul is heavy and sad, you really want to snuggle up to your own child, inhale its smell, cover your face with your palms and burst into tears. I want to climb onto the bed, bury my face against the wall, and so that he comes up, stroked the head and asked: “What's wrong with you mom? Daddy offended you, right? " Or hide behind your child as a shield: "He will not dare to touch me while the child is here." And sometimes you just want to lie down next to me, read a book to your child, warm yourself from his warmth, from his child's voice, laughter.
You can make your child a confidant, "ally", "best friend", and in the future "hope, protection and support" or "close friend."
All this is possible. Only this is about the use. A child cannot share the experience of adults, he can only become a container for parental suffering - put inside himself and store, digest, protect in his child's soul. And he keeps in himself my mother's animal fear, her horror, anxiety, her hatred, sadness, longing, her loneliness.
All these difficult feelings should be shared with adults, and not burdened with them. Even if you don't say anything, but just cry, curled up in a ball, embracing the child, this little creature takes, absorbs your pain as much as it can.
With older children, too, not everything is simple. Children - they are always children, even if they already have a height of one meter and eighty, stubble and forty-third foot size. If you cherish the hope that your son is your hope and support, he is definitely not his father, you are building a relationship with your son, and not with your husband, your son has a very difficult time. Then he must take the place of his father, replace the man next to you. Needless to say, this is not his place, he has his own life, he will have his own woman, and he will build relationships with her, not with you.
faith. religion
The way is thousands of years old. As long as mankind has existed, for so many years a person's ability to find support in someone strong, all-loving, all-forgiving and powerful. The one who always sees you, knows everything about you, accepts and forgives, who controls your life, who is always aware of what is happening to you, who is both strict and merciful, who can always be addressed and talked to - the ideal Parent.
It was a discovery for me that this method is still the leader in popularity to this day. As a way to support yourself in a crisis - to work towards God. Apparently, most of us still need a loving Parent.
pour your pain
The price of this method is alcoholism. As long as you feel like you are in control of the frequency and dose, you have the illusion that you are in control of alcoholism, not you. Alcoholism is one of those addictions that destroy the personality, that is, they affect not only physical health, like smoking or overeating, but also the personality of a person. Under the influence of alcohol, the personality changes, degrades. Man remains himself less and less. At the third stage, even with treatment, the person's personality cannot be returned.
seize
fill yourself with things
To fill the hole in the shower, you can start putting beautiful things in there - handbags, jewelry, clothes. You can sweeten your life with goodies and habitually console yourself with food.
get seriously ill
The method is effective. Fight fire with fire. Any everyday problems give way to a fatal illness. And if you manage to fizzle out, such a rethinking, such a value in life appears! Some only having faced death face to face, allow themselves to live in full force. Nothing revives like the nearness of death.
There are drawbacks to this method: you can not fizzle out, then you have to say goodbye to your hopes for a happy life, it can end right now, and what I did in time, I did it. If you managed to get off with "slight fright" and "little blood", then the price is also rather big - minus the organ, serious marks on the body, you will definitely not become more beautiful. Minus a lot of money and wasted time of your life.
find the one who is harder
Everything is relative. Against the background of a friend with her alcoholic husband and hopeless poverty, your life no longer seems such a hell.
But the problem is that then you need to keep only such friends in your environment, otherwise, having met someone's family happiness, success and well-being, you can fall into depression.
find the one who is harder and start saving him
Against the background of a children's oncology department or a ward with abandoned children, any problems are no big deal. You can also realize the value of your own well-being and distract yourself from your own problems by solving the problems of others. The downside is that while you run, solving the problems of abandoned children or housing stray animals, your own problems do not dissolve, they roll like a snowball. And one day, ten years later, you may find that you have profited your own life.
upload yourself
Load yourself up with something as much as possible. If for this something, of course, there is strength.
Work, sports, plowing garden beds in the country, fishing in the morning and evening, solving family and children's problems, 24/7 cooking. The main thing is not to stop, not even for a second. God forbid, not to meet with what you are running from.
go to war
“After spending some time in the war, I realized that I am alive - this is a miracle. An hour lived - a gift. It's just that you haven't been hit hard by life yet. And so it will be until you understand who you are and what life is. (Taken from the open spaces of facebook).
Yes, nothing revives like the nearness of death …
People have chosen these methods from time immemorial, for sure, I have not discovered something new for you, and you even have your own favorites. But perhaps you will choose the healthier ways. Such as intimacy, love, human friendship, fresh air, the smell of leaves and wet grass, creativity in all its forms.
But if the healing of ordinary life is not enough for you, or you are “drawn to deeds,” come to coaching or therapy. We'll figure out.
Once again I will write here, suddenly you did not notice for the first time:
If you are really "covered" - neither nature nor creativity will help you. And the resource of loved ones is also not unlimited. When a vile slime rises from the soul, and the only thing that has the strength is to hiss at everyone or lie facing the wall, the surest way is to go to a psychotherapist. This specially trained person will withstand you and your mud, he will be able to survive it. And he will rake with you the groans of your soul. If he thinks that the resources of your psyche are now not enough to digest the crisis, he will send you to a psychiatrist, he will look and, possibly, prescribe medications. I personally know people who are helped to survive by drug therapy, but in my practice there are more of those who manage to rake and swim out of this mud on their own into the light and clean water. It's just that most of us need support at some point.
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