2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In order to fulfill your obligations, it is often necessary to establish comfortable, relaxed business relationships with colleagues. But if you see a person every day, except for the formal one, a personal attitude appears towards him. Mutual sympathy makes understanding easier. But what to do when there is tension with a colleague, but communication gives an unpleasant impression? And maybe everything turned into an open conflict?
Hidden motives
In each case, the conflict is unique, and it is difficult to identify the best way out of it. But there are patterns, the knowledge of which will simplify this task. Try to determine: what do you think, what are the true causes and goals of the conflict. They may differ from the formally stated reasons and goals. Describe what exactly does not suit you in the actions of your colleague, and what does not suit him. Formulate what exactly you want from this dispute, it is possible that you have a request or proposal. However, not all conflicts are started in order to constructively solve the problem. It is possible that a quarrel arises due to tension in personal relationships, accumulated irritation, antipathy and unclear agreements.
Why did the conflict happen?
Let's look at the causes of the conflict. They can be external and internal. External causes include issues arising from a joint business. Then it is important to define the task, listen to the wishes and claims of another person, express your own. Then clarify the responsibilities of each party and develop a step-by-step strategy. In such a professional conflict, polite distance only helps.
With internal causes of conflict, work issues can only be an excuse to clarify personal relationships or to respond to resentment and anger. When emotions are overwhelmed, there is a chance to utter harsh, hurting words in the heat of the moment or to commit rash acts. When intense anger, rage, or resentment comes up, it is good to take a break. Exhale, leave the room, switch, do other things. It takes time to think about what happened.
Fears
What happens to a colleague, and how he treats you, in fact, only he himself knows. And it can be scary to ask openly, because you can meet with misunderstanding, rejection or devaluation of the situation. It seems that by making the conflict clear to everyone involved, we become more vulnerable. In fact, when they talked out loud about the presence of a conflict, it ceases to be hidden. Responsibility for its outcome is automatically distributed among all participants. The other person may choose to stay in a childish position and resent you. This cannot be influenced. However, being open shows others that you are ready for dialogue. The chances are that colleagues will stop whispering behind their backs and say directly that they are not happy with it. Perhaps they, too, fear your rejection.
Contact yourself
In order to try to understand what the essence of tension is, I propose to start by addressing yourself. Describe how you feel about the person with whom you have a conflict, how you feel when communicating. You may want to move away, anger, sadness or fear will arise. And perhaps along with this there is interest, sympathy and respect.
If you have anger and resentment, what exactly? Perhaps words, tone of voice, hints, deed. Or this person resembles someone with whom you had a difficult relationship. You can come to a consultation to learn how to regulate your emotions without ignoring them. When it becomes clearer what went wrong in your communication, the stage of choice begins. Determine what you want from a colleague. Perhaps you want to be heard and treated more attentively. Or you want to shorten the communication as much as possible. The sooner you clarify the relationship, the more comfortable it will be at work.
Before returning to discussing a problem situation again, remember that it is important not only what you say, but also how. Raised dialogue, interrupting, exactingness and categoricalness only get in the way. Everyone wants to be heard. If you both have the opportunity to speak out, it will already reduce the tension. The most difficult thing is to understand what the colleague wants to convey, what is important he is talking about. Anger is often a defense against something hurtful and unpleasant. Do you manage to get to know your feeling part that is hurt, scared, lonely or uncomfortable? The other person who conflicts with you also has this part. Therefore, it seems to me, the key to resolving the conflict is to be careful, both to oneself and to another.
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