Fear And Guilt When A Child Is In Trouble

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When your child is in trouble, the first thing you feel is not even fear. This is a feeling of guilt. Guilt for not overseeing, lost time, not noticed in time. And, even if logic tells you that you have nothing to do with it, you are still around to blame. And no "tyzhpsychologist" can change this. You can feel it with your skin.

Then, when you have to ask for help, you feel guilty again. You are not doing it, you are not good enough, you are annoying others with your problems. It is doubly difficult for people who are accustomed to relying on themselves in everything. And, unfortunately, I am one of them.

And finally, when you manage to draw attention to your problem, instead of joy, you feel guilty again. There is a feeling that you are using others to achieve your goal. Hundreds of people solve your problem, they are able to give your child what you do not have, and for this they put off their important and urgent matters.

Feelings of guilt are scary. If given free rein, it can devalue any undertaking. Don't let it get the better of your common sense.

If, God forbid, you find yourself in a similar situation, it would be a good idea to follow the basic rules.

1) Selfishness is at the heart of the feeling of guilt. It sounds crazy, but it is. By chewing on your feelings for the hundredth time and focusing on your guilt, you put yourself in the center of the situation. To the very center where your child really should be now. Even if you are really to blame - you overlooked, missed, missed - it is foolish to waste time and energy on senseless self-flagellation. The best thing you can do is try to fix the situation without aggravating it.

2) If a disaster strikes, your task is to remain as capable as possible. In a difficult moment, your child needs you more than ever. And they are needed as a sane strong adult, and not a crazy, frightened hysteric, who himself needs to be reassured. There is no need to change places with the child. Stay a parent.

3) Do not be afraid - you simply do not have the right to do so. Every parent knows that the child reads our state and reproduces our reaction squared. You should radiate calmness and confidence, even if everything inside you writhes in pain. You will cry secretly in the toilet. There, just there is paper.

4) Don't lie. There is nothing worse than the shifting eyes of someone you trust. Explain to your child in the most accessible and honest way what is happening to him. Don't say it won't hurt if you know it isn't. Better explain why he needs to be patient. Teenagers generally have the right to know the whole truth, no matter how bitter it is. Don't trust this question to the internet. Find the right words and come up with a fight plan. Children are often wiser than adults. Do not treat them like foolish animals.

5) Feel free to ask for help. Yes, there will be many unpleasant moments when you will be turned down by the ones you most counted on. But you will be surprised how many there will be those, completely unknown and unexpected, who will surround you with love and care that you never dreamed of.

6) Don't overload yourself. Yes, easy to say, but difficult to do. Just think about who will need your baby if you go to bed. Delegate responsibilities that can be delegated to others. We were lucky with our boxing neighbors. Wonderful Nadezhda is always ready to share the latest and take on any burden - just to free me. Thank you, dear, I don't know what I would do without you.

7) Take time for yourself, even if it's a simple cup of tea. I am writing this article in a hospital ward at 1 am, while my child sleeps between IVs. And this is my time and my buzz, because I love what I do.

8) Take care of your appearance. Yes, this is important for women. It sounds ridiculous, but for the past three weeks the thought of unpicked eyebrows has been plaguing me. Neither the lack of proper clothing, nor the impossibility of getting a manicure, nor the meager hospital food gave me as much moral suffering as those unfortunate eyebrows. And what was my joy when I managed to put them in order. A person needs very little for happiness. Take time for yours.

9) You are not guilty of anything. Let go of what cannot be fixed and get busy with what can be fixed. I used to like to say that there is no way out only from the coffin. Now I know that even death can and should be fought.

10) Be grateful. A child - for being alive and continuing to fight. To doctors - for doing their little feat every day. To yourself - for doing everything possible and impossible. Others - because they help you survive. And even to those who left you in difficult times - they made room in your life for a new one.