HARMFUL THINKING STYLES

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Personalization

Personalization is a form of taking on guilt that often leads to feelings of shame and inferiority. When something bad happens, you tend to blame yourself for all deadly sins.

For example, you called all your friends and called them to the beach. It has started raining, everyone stayed at home and now you blame yourself for even starting this all. And even if friends are comforting, it doesn't have a positive effect.

Here's another example that might make some people smile: you buy a liter of milk in a supermarket, but when you come home, you find out that the goods are expired. Now you blame yourself instead of directing your resentment to a store that sells such products.

In general, with this style of thinking, it doesn't matter whose fault - it still feels like yours in the end. What do you think this can lead to? Quite right: stress, apathy, a drop in self-esteem and even depression (the latter, of course, not from a bottle of milk).

Yes, in life you need to be responsible for a lot. But what's the point in feeling guilty?

Be responsible for your life and your reactions to unforeseen circumstances. For your thoughts, decisions, actions, choices and much more. But sometimes the situation is simply impossible to control, accept it. Every day is filled with all sorts of troubles, and in a sense, this is normal. This is how the world works.

Questions for researching the situation

Think about your thinking for a moment and how exactly you tend to personalize life situations. Ask yourself:

Am I inclined to do personalization?

In what specific situations do I usually do this?

What do I think at the same time? Why is it so?

What am I telling myself?

How do I feel about it?

Why am I doing personalization? Do I get any benefit from this?

Remember, awareness is the first step to change.

Important: Research questions are universal, so ask yourself each time you analyze any harmful thinking style. We will not repeat them further in the text.

Questions to resolve

To overcome this harmful thinking style, it is important to identify the root cause of the problem. So instead of blaming yourself for things outside of your control and therefore feeling guilty in front of the world, focus on solving the problem.

It is also incredibly important to distinguish between self-criticism and self-correction. The point is not to blame yourself, but to learn in order to make the necessary corrections in the future. The next time you invite your friends to the beach, consider Plan B: Where to go if it starts raining. Problem solved!

Ask yourself the following questions:

Where did I get it that I was to blame for this?

Do you have to blame yourself for what happened?

Could I really control it?

Who or what caused the problem?

Am I responsible for everything? Or part of the problem? For which one?

What is the cause of this problem?

Can I solve it?

What can I do in the future to prevent this problem from arising again?

Mental filter

It is the process of filtering information in and out of consciousness. A person tends to focus only on very specific things, ignoring everything else. He concentrates on negative points. Or only positive, which sometimes is not good, because excessive optimism leads to the other extreme - ignorance and unwillingness to develop.

You may be generally happy with your life, but pay attention to the unpleasant little things. They are insignificant, but you don't care. Why? Many people get the opportunity to complain or moan, feel like a victim.

A mental filter can also arise during memories. You forget about all the good things and only think about mistakes and misdeeds. Do you know who behaves this way? A person suffering from depression.

Ask yourself universal research questions.

Questions to resolve

To overcome this harmful thinking style, you must always look for something positive in any situation (since most often it is the negative that overcomes us). Do your best consciously. You might find it helpful to ask yourself:

Do I see the full picture here? Maybe something is missing?

What do other people see in this situation?

Is there anything good about this situation? What didn't I notice right away?

What positive outweighs the negative here?

Black and white thinking

This type of thinking speaks of adolescent reactions and lack of wisdom. It is also called "All or Nothing". You only see extremes, there are no shades of gray between black and white. You can do it either way.

You may have high expectations for other people or for yourself. Haven't completed the project? You are probably very stupid. And there can be no excuses. Failed interview? You are not fit for this position, period.

The truth is, there is no absolute in situations like this. But if you live with this kind of thinking, you can go crazy. Literally.

Remember to ask yourself universal research questions.

Questions to resolve

To overcome black and white thinking, ask yourself:

Does this kind of thinking motivate me?

Is it realistic and useful?

Are there any exceptions to this rule?

Is there evidence that shades of gray exist?

How can I prove to myself that my thoughts are wrong?

Does everyone look at the situation the way I do? Why?

Quickly conclusions

Rushing to conclusions is when you start to assume that a situation will turn out in a certain way without having the necessary facts or evidence. This is not the same as having an idea of something. Rather, it is premature to judge without sufficient information. The reason for this thinking can be laziness, a negative attitude towards people and the world, a victim complex.

You can assume that there is only one solution to the problem. Any attempts by other people to say that there are several options are ignored by the words: "This is all nonsense, there is only one choice." You are not trying to study information, to make an intellectual effort. Your conclusions are not substantiated.

This thinking also has a disastrous effect on relationships with other people. Any mistake of the interlocutor is perceived critically, a certain label is hung on him.

Hasty decisions are often made in two ways: mind reading and prophetic thinking.

"Mind reading".

Here, you assume that you know what the other person is thinking and are trying to justify their behavior. The boss's innocent phrase is interpreted as a hint that you might be fired. Or, by the nervous behavior of the interlocutor, you conclude that he is lying.

The fact is that in both examples there is too little information for valid conclusions. It is foolish to judge a person's lies based only on the fact that he often blinks or looks away. There can be a lot of reasons.

"Prophetic Thinking".

This is where you make predictions about something negative that will happen sometime in the future. You pay so much attention to adverse factors that you end up with a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. These can be thoughts of a downturn in the economy, the approaching end of the world, and much more.

Ask yourself some research questions.

Questions to resolve

To overcome mind reading, you need to expand your worldview and be receptive to new ideas. Also ask yourself the following questions:

How do I know this is true?

Where is the proof?

What if everything is not as it seems at first glance?

What if there is another explanation?

To overcome your habit of “prophetic thinking,” you must always question the predictions you make. Ask yourself:

Is this a helpful thought? Will she protect and prepare me?

How many times have I made wrong predictions?

What proof do I have?

Could this thought hurt me in the long run?

What if my predictions are correct? What should I do?

Emotional reasoning

Emotional reasoning involves making decisions based on how you feel and not on objective reality. Therefore, you base your opinion on the situation, yourself or others in ways that reflect your feelings. In other words, your current emotional state affects how you perceive your circumstances, despite evidence to the contrary.

You automatically tend to believe that what you are feeling is true. However, this is only true for you, and the feelings other people have can be very different.

Feelings and emotions are sometimes very important, but not in cases of reasoning. Especially when you consider them logical. By allowing your emotions to make decisions, you can fall under the influence of a negative state or dishonest manipulators.

Ask yourself some research questions.

Questions to resolve

You need to begin to consciously distinguish between emotions and facts. Ask yourself:

Am I assessing this situation in terms of emotions or facts?

What are the facts? What do I really see and hear?

What is the evidence that I am wrong?

How often have I been wrong when making emotional decisions?

Do they bring me pain or joy?

Labeling

Labeling is a behavior pattern in which we label ourselves, others, or a situation in one way or another. This is bad, because very often it cannot be conveyed in one or two words.

Labels are also bad because they are negative and absolute. You can call yourself an idiot, although it would be more correct: "I made a mistake." Or say that the person is unreliable, despite the fact that he has failed you only once.

A negative and mistaken image affects your self-esteem, which in turn affects the choices or decisions you make. If you consider yourself an idiot, you are missing out on endless opportunities for growth and development.

Ask yourself some research questions.

Questions to resolve

Is this label true in all situations?

Have I labeled a specific behavior or a person in general?

What evidence is there that this label is correct?

What situations refute this label?

Remember, the more often you become aware of your harmful thinking styles and question them, the better your chances of making the right decisions. This is not only important, it is necessary. Almost every area of your life depends on this habit.