2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Codependency as a phenomenon was previously considered exclusively a reaction of family members to the dependent behavior of one of them.
But later the concept of codependency expanded. Codependency can be defined as a strategy of behavior in which a person is involved in a relationship with another to such an extent that his self-esteem and emotional stability is completely dependent and determined by the response of that other.
Previously, codependency was considered as an essentially female strategy of behavior and you will find a thousand and one works on the topic of female codependency, but if you decide to take an interest in information on male codependency, then you will stumble upon very meager studies of this phenomenon.
So there are no codependent men? Or do men only have strategies of addiction and counterdependency?
Codependent men exist, they are not as mystical phenomena as a dragon's tooth or a philosopher's stone.
This strategy is more rare than the ones listed above, but it is not so rare as to turn a blind eye to it.
1️. The main criterion for codependents: building their self-esteem based on the partner's reaction to his behavior.
Such men are only engaged in satisfying or appeasing a woman's wishes: gifts, entertainment, a manifestation of excessive care, they do everything at the click of their chosen one: they will bring, take, wait, sit with the children, earnings, home, children, as a rule, on their shoulders.
Well, not a perfect man? Perfect, but only in a fairy tale. Codependent is always about excessiveness, any excessiveness is satiated and annoying and, as a rule, their chosen ones find their place in the arms of less "good" men. They use them until it is possible, and then sometimes throw them away right with the children.
Strategy: be good
2️. Care. Guardianship. The rescue
They often have high ethics or are well disciplined, responsible, well organized, but they take absolute opposites as their chosen ones, who are always saved or are trying to remake.
They save from financial problems, then from abuse, then from addictions and a whole different spectrum of problems that can only be imagined.
They are also lovers to remake their chosen one and relate her to their ideal:
- do not smoke, do not drink, etc.
3. Drama or say NO ️ calmness.
A codependent can be recognized by the fact that he is really physically ill when everything is calm. Studies show that through conflict, quarrels and drama, the codependent induces hyperexcitation through which it relieves anxiety, which manifests itself every time he gets into a calm environment or is left without emotional stimulation for a long time. Anxiety, a consequence of the trauma that he carries in himself and which he avoids in this way.
These men choose women with whom they are not bored. Often these are hysterics, narcissists, infantile, they are demanding, jealous, critical, controlling, or, conversely, in need of care and attention. Eternal disputes and scandals are the basis of this relationship.
In such relationships, men become addicted to their wives' approval and then feel trapped in their manipulations, demands, or expectations. Some are associated with women who abuse them or show persistent dissatisfaction and ingratitude. At the same time, men in such relationships cannot set boundaries and are afraid of emotional retaliation and / or rejection, including refusal or abandonment of sex.
Male codependency pt. 2
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It was over for her this morning. The hell in which she lived for two years and could not find the strength to get out of it is over. For the first time in many years, she breathed deeply, full of strength and desire to live and be happy without fears, open to everything new and, most importantly, internally free, not codependent woman.
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4. Portrait of a codependent woman Their wives / women / girlfriends can be very emotional, bringing the relationship alive and compensating for the mental numbness that many codependent men feel inside. In the beginning of a relationship, a man may feel strong by helping a girlfriend or wife in need and giving her attention, care, custody, or gifts.
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