"How I" Cured "my Codependency" Part 1

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It was over for her this morning. The hell in which she lived for two years and could not find the strength to get out of it is over. For the first time in many years, she breathed deeply, full of strength and desire to live and be happy without fears, open to everything new and, most importantly, internally free, not codependent woman. She managed, managed to cope with codependency. The fight was not for life, but to the death. She ended the relationship with him in order to save herself, and not turn into a hysterical and not very adequate woman.

Codependency is similar to alcoholism and drug addiction. You seem to be addicted, but not on such things, but on emotions, and not the most pleasant ones. This is dependence on a specific person with whom you do not feel happy, but persist in a relationship that destroys you. Often these men abuse alcohol or drugs. He is addicted to substances, and you are addicted to him.

Yes, I'm codependent!

She once confessed to herself and began to act. For almost two years she was in a relationship with a manipulator, a future alcoholic, and a mental rapist, which meant that he did not speak to her for months, and her attempts to somehow contact him ended in beeps on the phone.

Before that, there was a six-month relationship with a drug addict, his manipulations and her desire to save him. First, she realized that something was wrong when she began to give him money. And He considered them not her money, but their common.

But back to the last relationship. She began to attend trainings for self-love, overcoming codependency, increasing self-esteem, and going to constellations.

She began to strenuously save herself.

And so, her plan was this:

1) Admit that you are codependent and you cannot cope with it yourself!

2) Find a psychologist who will "wash" your brain.

3) Do, not just read all the techniques that the psychologist recommends.

4) Present the whole process of "treatment" for codependency as an experiment in which you can try to behave in a new way. Try and watch, but how do I behave in this, and how do I when I am like that.

Yes, it will be very difficult at first, just very difficult. After all, it is difficult for women who are forever enduring, understanding everything and forgiving women even just to tell a man that he has no right to treat her like that. So, it is to come only when it is convenient for him, not to be responsible for his promises, ignore attempts to talk and forever pretend that nothing has happened, not pay attention to her interests and desires.

5) Self-love.

As you know, women with low self-esteem are in codependent relationships, who for some reason decided, or someone brought it into their heads, that they are not worthy of being treated well. Someone told them for half their lives, usually mothers, that you need to endure everything, understand everything and forgive everything. But the reality is that self-love is not based on these rules. Codependent women do not have enough love for themselves, otherwise they would simply not get into such a relationship, because they did not allow themselves to be treated like that.

And so, the principles of self-love:

1. Always be in the first place for Himself. What does it mean to answer yourself the questions: what do I want now? it's important to me? Do I want to change this behavior of a man towards me?

2. I am not responsible for how I was heard. I am responsible for what I said.

3. I am not responsible for the feelings of others. I am responsible for my feelings. And if someone made a decision to be offended, this does not mean at all that I wanted to offend him, and vice versa.

4. I myself decide how and what to react to. I am responsible for my reactions.

5. I have the right to independently determine what is bad for me and what is good.

6. Engage in your self-esteem. You can take training by carefully choosing a specialist for yourself.

7. Make up your own criteria for a man's good and bad attitude towards himself. And in further relations to be guided by it. Seeing a relationship, you will immediately be guided by a good attitude or a bad attitude for you.. Well, then everything is going as it should. Bad, then something went wrong!

Summing up, I will say that, in my opinion, there is only one formula for getting out of codependency - changing your attitude towards yourself and, as a result, changing your behavior. And in the opposite direction, you change your behavior, then your attitude towards yourself changes. Because when you tell your partner what you don't like, what hurts, what hurts, that's okay. It's okay when your opinion and interests are taken into account by a partner. At this moment, you stop committing betrayal of yourself, and there were already a lot of it when you endured what you do not like!

This is an introductory excursion into the history of "How I" treated "my codependency". In the following publications I will disclose all points separately with examples and recommendations. I hope my experience will serve as an example or motivation for someone, or the first step to their personal happiness.

Good luck to everyone, and see you soon!

Author: Darzhina Irina Mikhailovna