2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I have been engaged in personal development for several years now and, as it turned out, working on myself is not at all as pleasant as it is described in the advertisements of numerous trainings. Moreover, I stopped believing in specialists and directions that promise miracles. Because, IMHO, this is the manipulation of the child's parts of the personality - which are just very greedy for miracles
In this article, I've highlighted 5 pitfalls of self-improvement or 5 reasons why self-improvement can lead to disappointment. At a minimum, this should be understood by those who begin to work on themselves and expect quick results.
1. Everything that we have in our life now is the result of our thoughts, actions, emotions
Even if we got these thoughts, emotions, reactions from our parents in early childhood (and they got them), now these thoughts, emotions, reactions are ours and only our responsibility.
If adults in childhood criticized us, devalued and called us names at random, and now in adulthood we continue to do the same with ourselves, then this is our responsibility.
If dear mom and dad managed to instill in us a sense of guilt and shame for being who we are, and now we feel guilty and ashamed of everything in the world with and without reason, then such an attitude towards ourselves is our responsibility.
In general, everything that we have inside is our responsibility. It doesn't matter who, how and when influenced us.
It is not always pleasant to realize this. Falling into resentment and accusations (especially children's) is only one part of the work, it should be followed by another part - the one in which an adult takes responsibility for what happens to him in life. Here illusions (which are pleasant in themselves) can disappear, here comes the moment to soberly assess your life (even if there is a risk of unpleasant surprise) and start changing something (which also does not always go smoothly, especially if a person is used to shifting responsibility for his life external circumstances).
2. Victim Mind - easy to say, hard to refuse
I would venture to sound banal (because they are already shouting about this at all corners), but nevertheless. The habit of thinking like a victim has many benefits. You can live yourself in sweet illusions that one day everything will change by itself, and you don't need to do anything. You can sit on the couch watching TV shows and keep your head down - safe, warm. You can not argue with anyone and want nothing with anyone - you will not be able to achieve anything with such layouts, but again it is safe. And so on.
The victim's thinking is clearly visible in such formulations as "The money wasted by itself" (yeah, they got out of the wallet and spent), "They constantly attack me" (yeah, that's it for me, poor thing, for some reason, not on others), well etc.
Therefore, the slogans "Stop being a victim" or "Give up the victim mindset" sound, of course, good, but it is not so easy to do it. Firstly, if a person has been in the position of a victim all his life, then he can learn to think differently, but this does not happen at one moment. Secondly, when a person revises his habitual patterns of behavior, it can be uncomfortable. To put it mildly.
3. Mega-insights don't exist
There is such a persistent myth about mega-insight, which is enough to find, and everything in life will become just super. But there is no it, this mega-insight, no. A person in the process of life goes through many stages of development. At different stages of development, he has different requests, tasks, problems, etc. And the insights, respectively, at different stages will be different. So that one insight and turn your whole life - I have not met this.
4. Working through problems is one thing, building skills is another
For example, a child in childhood was criticized, devalued, etc. The child has learned to endure (read - to survive in an unfriendly environment) due to the fact that he supplanted emotions. The repressed emotions need to be worked through, of course, since they do not lead to anything good. And new skills (how to communicate with people without criticism, devaluation) need to be developed. They won't work out on their own. If they are not in human experience, then where do they come from?
Likewise, if a person has a panic fear of public speaking. Fear needs to be worked out, and public speaking skills are separate. You need to get them. In courses, trainings, in practice, in the end (if a person does not like trainings, what he has the right to do), etc.
5. The magic of action is the head of everything
When a person wants to change in life (for example, some other profession, move to another country), then he somehow imagines these changes. Often - not the way it will be in reality (because this experience is not yet in the picture of the world, and there is nowhere to present it). So something needs to be done here. It is good to prescribe a goal (according to SMART, according to XCP), conduct market research, interview specialists for a new desired profession, try yourself in a new role, etc. In other words, start doing something in the direction of what you want. And here, not always everything happens perfectly. Something turns out, something doesn't. This is fine, but again, not always pleasant.
Recommended:
How To Stop Criticizing Yourself And Start Supporting Yourself? And Why Can't The Therapist Tell You How Quickly He Can Help You?
The habit of self-criticism is one of the most destructive habits for a person's well-being. For internal well-being, first of all. On the outside, a person can look good and even successful. And inside - to feel like a nonentity that cannot cope with its life.
Why Do Men Love Prostitutes? 5 Reasons Why Men Turn To Prostitutes
To begin with, I will give the thoughts of the men themselves about their behavior: “This is not connected with the process of sex itself, but with the opportunity to be alone in the company of a woman. If you don't go anywhere, don't communicate with anyone, then getting what you want becomes problematic.
The Husband Does Not Want Sex With His Wife. Why? The Reasons Why The Husband Does Not Take The Initiative In Sex?
Husband doesn't want to have sex with his wife? To start the conversation, I will give you an example of a male position and a letter from my email: Alexander, 41 years old. My marital experience is 16 years, my wife Irina, two daughters are growing up.
Why Isn't Becoming “the Best Version Of Yourself” Working?
The standards broadcast from all sides in the media and social networks lead us to the idea that it is imperative to “work on ourselves”, to become “the best version of ourselves” and then - and only then - we will be worthy of the love of others and, most importantly, love for yourself.
Beliefs - Why And Why It Is Worth Working With Them
Beliefs, if very simply, are sentences formulated as "If, then" or "X equals Y". For example, "If you don't get married before 20, then no one needs you anymore" or "All rich people are bastards." Some beliefs are easy to find on their own, and this is good, but, as a rule, these beliefs already affect us insofar as.
