2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Toxic relationships are like playing roulette. You bet, you lose, you hope to win back. Again the bet, again the loss. You think that's enough, you spent almost all the money. But then there is a small payoff. And you hope that now you have understood how to play, now you will trample. But no, again loss after loss. You borrow more money. And again you lose everything. But it's hard to stop. Now that a lot has already been invested, I want to recoup. And you keep investing. And it becomes even more difficult to stop because more has been invested. And in order to recoup, you raise the stakes … Well, in the end - the destruction of a person. (You can remember Dostoevsky).
Resources are invested in toxic relationships, or rather, they are merged. The more and longer resources are invested, the greater the expectation that someday they will win back, the more difficult it is to let go of this relationship. But resources are being depleted. Then the reserve is depleted. And it becomes almost impossible to get out.
When should you stop playing roulette? Is it worth playing at all?
My subjective - it is worth getting out of a toxic relationship. The earlier the better. The depletion of resources, the destruction of self-esteem, strongly twist the funnel towards an even greater deterioration of the situation.
But if the person is not ready to end this relationship. MB, financial dependence, maybe, the degree of kinship does not allow, maybe, something else.
It often happens that the toxicity of a partner for a person is like the first time. As in the game of roulette, the player expects a win every time, so here too - every time a person expects that now he will not be pricked with a poison pin, but will finally fall in love. Each time it reveals itself in its vulnerability and hope, but gets over the ears.
How to be saved?
Be prepared for the fact that now there will be not a portion of love, but a portion of poison. Those. not to hope, not to expect love, but to understand that now, as in the previous 100,500 times, there will be spitting.
Understand that this spit is not something personal, but just the way the partner is arranged. Losing in roulette is not because the player is stupid and has not figured out the mechanism of winning, but because the game itself is so arranged.
Have a bunch of cases, how to react to poisonous spitting. Not from the position of a gullible child who is waiting for love and is upset, disappointed every time. And from the position of an adult who already knows that love cannot be expected here.
Think about your value. And about who defines it.
Once again, your partner says that you yourself suck, and everything that you do sucks too.
Ok, he can think as he wants. What do you think yourself?
If self-esteem has not yet been killed in the trash, then you can stop its destruction by a toxic partner. And believe not him, but yourself.
A fragment from my collection " Codependency in its own juice ".
You may be interested in a guidebook for building healthy relationships. " What do we confuse love with, or is Love".
Books are available on Liters and MyBook.
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