Rage Instead Of Obedience

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The total, all-encompassing feeling of guilt that fills every cell of consciousness has a downside. Her name is rage and lack of pity

Imagine a child who grows up his entire life with the thought that he is not good enough for his parents. It doesn't matter why. Because he brought an A once a semester and in physical education, and not an A and a certificate for the best result. Because I wanted to wear jeans to school at the age of 15 (like everyone else), and not a strict business suit, because decent children dress like that. Because he was not as handsome and athletic as a friend's son and sang not as shrill as his sister's daughter. Imagine the constant appeal to the conscience of such a child.

Do you know what will happen to him one day? One day he will stop reacting and he will not care. On persuasion, conditional logic, arguments and arguments. And later - and parental tears or threats. Because just as children choose what to be like, so parents make their choice. The choice to devalue and totally disappointed, putting it in a wrapper "I just wanted you to be better." The choice is whether to hit the son with a wet leather belt or to talk to him, to find out his desires and feelings, and not to hide behind "discipline cannot be brought up otherwise."

When you beat your son from childhood, driving guilt into his little head for his own incontinence, emotionality and a completely logical unwillingness to walk with his younger brother, he will grow up with this guilt. And for many years to come, this wine will play into your hands. Because the child's frustration is our everything, let him be bad, but better ashamed of his own egoism, his own aspirations not according to the parental plan.

When you shame a child for playing with the "wrong" toys, looks like "his lazy father", does not show love and respect for his parents so much, who brought his ungrateful white man into the world, but he still chooses the wrong one the profession you were counting on, be prepared for the fact that one day these steel ropes of imposed shame will break. And the elevator, in which you so comfortably rode from the floor of guilt to the floor of shame, and from there to the manipulation penthouse will fly down with a crash.

One day it may happen that a child you knew (or thought you knew) decides not to play this game anymore. And play by your own rules. And create your own, different from yours, reality and life. And then he will begin to reject your rules of the game. Previously, you could call to ask to replace you at work because you were tired or you need a manicure? Now you have to plan the time yourself and take time off for rest. You could always call and drain a ton of negativity on your child about health, inflation, work and boss, and it was the child's duty to listen without constructiveness and only regret? Now, please, talk about this with a friend or a psychologist, because the child can no longer stand to digest it.

It's good if in the life of such a child somewhere along the way there was a person who appreciated him without conditions, joked funny, and not humiliatingly, and could just be there when needed. Then it will be possible to rely on this experience for real. And if it was not there (or it was too rare and small), what will prevent the child from turning all the accumulated rage in your direction? A habitual shame? I wouldn't count on it too long.