2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is very understandable that the parents want the child to be as little trouble as possible, to be “comfortable”. And also, already very many people now understand that an overly obedient child, growing up, does not acquire some very important qualities for life, for successful adaptation in society. These are such qualities as perseverance in achieving goals, self-confidence, what can be called with one general word "assertiveness".
Moreover, growing up and getting used to following not his own, but his parental desires, such a person often even loses the ability to understand his desires. As a result - social maladjustment, often depression simply because a person in adulthood does not understand the goals and meanings of his life. He is not interested in someone else's goals and meanings, but his own ones are incomprehensible.
Surprisingly, even when such a person comes to therapy and, against the background of therapy, demonstrates an improvement in his condition, his parents may be extremely unhappy with the very fact that he turned to a psychologist and the changes that are happening to him. Often they are completely selfishly expecting that as a result of therapy their child will not become healthier and happier, but … more comfortable. “Well, you are being treated by a psychologist, so you should stop getting annoyed at what I say, how you should act, how you should live your life. I know better what you need, what you should do and how, in general, to live your life! - as if they are saying to their children, who have already come to therapy in adulthood.
If adolescent separation has not been passed, then the client again and again tries to psychologically and emotionally separate from his parents. To realize his desires, to realize how he wants to live his life, what to do and where to move. He hangs up when the mother once again begins to read lectures, gets annoyed and shouts in response to obsessive advice on how to live - in general, it becomes very uncomfortable for the parents. And they trigger unconscious mechanisms of manipulation - they get offended, they try to make their daughter or son feel guilty, they can exert various other, including economic, pressure in order to return everything to normal.
Yes, their child will again become depressed, anxious, with an unsettled personal life, but very comfortable in communication.
I appeal to everyone who is now in therapy and is going through this belated, but now extremely necessary emotional separation from their parents. Continue therapy, work through your guilt feelings, free yourself from emotional and other addictions! Only in this way will you gain freedom as an alternative to obedience and be able to fully realize yourself in life!
I would also like to appeal to parents whose children go through this process of finding themselves through understanding their desires and life goals, but … most likely they will not read this text.
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