2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You can often come across a client request on the topic of the "crisis" of an older child, when a younger one appears. They come to the psychologist and ask to talk to the older child and convince the baby that the parents still love him, but they also need to devote time to the baby. There are two snags at once:
1. No one except parents can explain and demonstrate parental love to a child
2. All of the above, the child will perceive as "you are being taken away from parental attention - humble yourself."
When a younger brother or sister appears, the older child loses identification. Who is he now? He is now an adult and cannot count on warmth and care? Is he still small? Throwing begins from "give me a rattle / pacifier, I am the same crumb as the youngest child" to hysterics, because every child knows that the parent will come running to cry, begin to regret, and therefore once again prove his love.
Therefore, the question arises of the formation of identification in the older child.
How to do it?
First, keep in mind that if you devoted 100% of your time to your child before the second arrived, then he will not thank you if after giving birth you give him 25%. Children's life should not change much. You have 9 months of pregnancy in order to change the usual pace of life, explain to the child what awaits you all and teach this not as a terrible deprivation, but a temporary necessity.
Secondly, your older child will not break down if he helps you a little in caring for the newly-made little man. Will bring a diaper, for example.
The reaction of an older child to the leakage of parental attention can be very different: it can be a refusal to eat, whims, a desire not to get off mother's hands. In each case, the solution to the problem is individual, but always comes down to the child's right to be a child. Sometimes breastfeeding (like in babies), hand sickness, and so on helps. It is important not to abuse such “simple” solutions and to shape the child's identity in accordance with changes in the family structure.
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