2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sometimes we react too emotionally to simple events, raise our voice, and then regret it. The fact is that a situation that from the outside may seem trivial resembles a childhood trauma. Emotions from the past pour out on random people. It is difficult for others with such a person. In fact, such a reaction is the child's reaction to the absence of parents. He concludes that no one needs it. Parents are not up to him, which means that he is of no value. The world is a dangerous place. you can release anger at those who will not or will not be able to answer. When a child grows up, everywhere he sees confirmation of his own uselessness. And then raising your voice is a cry about inner pain, about unmet needs. Practical example. Permission was obtained from the client to publish an excerpt from the therapy session. The name has been changed. Alexey is the owner and manager of a large commercial enterprise. He is a "big" person. Both physically and by status. - I don't like that I raise my voice too often. I shout at my subordinates, my wife, children. I would like to change this destructive model.
- What do you want to convey to others with your cry?
“It seems to me that they don’t hear me, so I’m screaming. I want to be heard. - Hear only those who shout? - Intellectually, I understand that screaming is a bad way to attract attention. I know a lot of people I respect who speak quietly and calmly. And those around them listen to their opinion. And I would like to remain calm under any circumstances. - Say: "I allow myself to be calm in all circumstances." Alexey repeats the suggested phrase. - How does your body feel? Is there discomfort somewhere? - Yes, in the chest. - Imagine what image appears when you pay attention to chest discomfort? - For some reason, a baby. A boy who is only two or three months old. - Imagine it outside your body. How does he feel? - He yells, even blushed at the click.
- What's his name? - For some reason comes: "Leshka". So is it me or what? - It is you? - Indeed, very much like me in childhood photographs. - What does Leshka want? - To be noticed, so that my mother would come up. Something is wrong with him. Maybe hungry, tummy hurts, or something else related to the needs of the baby. “Babies have no other way to convey to those around them, first of all, their mothers, the information that he has something“wrong”. He is hungry, wet, something hurts. In general, he feels physical discomfort. - What happens when I yell at my subordinates, I behave like a baby telling others about my discomfort? This is the realization! I don't want to be a baby. - Tell little Lesha that he is a good boy. He does not need to tell the world about his discomfort so loudly now, because you are an adult always with him. You are one person. And you satisfy all his needs. What does the baby want now? - He wants freedom for his body. I’m already unraveling it. He happily waves his arms and legs. I take him in my arms. - Tell the boy that you accept it. - Yes, he's just happy. - Take it into your body. - It returns to the chest area. Where I was before. Only the sensations are different now. Now I am warm and comfortable. Feeling of fullness.
- Imagine the person with whom you last raised your voice. - Yes, I did. This is my deputy. - What do you want from him? Say so while staying calm. - His eyes even widen in surprise, I'm used to the fact that I'm always yelling.
- How do you feel? - Excellent. This is a very powerful metaphor - understanding that when I scream, it is like a baby's behavior. This behavior is incompatible with my status. I will learn to behave like an ADULT, RESPECTED PERSON. - Most importantly, do not forget about your children's needs. When your Inner Child is convinced that he is good, needed, valuable, you will no longer have the need to confirm your importance by raising your voice. In order not to throw out childhood pain on those who have nothing to do with it, it is necessary to notice this pain and live, to become for oneself that caring parent who was so lacking in childhood.
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