Let Yourself Be Lazy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Our inaction (laziness) can have many reasons. For example, it can be formed by such parental prescriptions as: "Do not act!", "Do not achieve success!". Self-esteem-killing negative beliefs can also create internal conflict. For example, such:

• you need to do everything quickly and efficiently;
• I can't do it;
• I'm not smart enough;
• I'm not smart enough;
• I am not capable of anything;
• it's too complicated.

This is how inaction is formed. It's easier to do nothing than to experience another disappointment and discomfort.

When we do something, mistakes are inevitable. And then we meet with criticism. It can be both external and internal, when we ourselves criticize our actions.

As a child, we believed a significant adult who devalued our actions. And now we criticize ourselves with his words. Maybe it's time to change this?

Practical example. The consent to the publication has been received from the client.

A twenty-year-old girl, let's call her Masha, complains of laziness. According to Masha, it is laziness that slows down all her undertakings, does not allow her to graduate from college, to find a suitable job.

I suggest Masha draw herself in the form of associations, people who are significant to her, and laziness. This technique is described in the article - You will understand everything, you will see everything yourself. Art therapy technique. The result is a drawing (see above)

Masha is a fox cub; her boyfriend is a hedgehog;

the girl's mother is a rose;

dad is a turtle;

laziness - hell.

Immediately I draw your attention to the fact that the fox has no body. It is the body that makes it possible to feel its boundaries and the boundaries of the surrounding world. Security and trust in the world is formed through bodily contact with the mother. But, the mother - the rose cannot give warmth and affection to the fox. And Masha from childhood got used to feeling aloofness and "tingling" - critical remarks from her mother. However, one cannot speak badly about mom. And even think. All negative manifestations of the mother are denied, they are not noticed - there are no thorns on the rose. And the girl admits that she does not want to see negative manifestations in her mother.

Masha does not notice that she has appropriated her maternal criticism and began to suppress her partner. The fox is a predatory animal, and its partner is a hedgehog. In nature, foxes feed on hedgehogs. Masha said that a fox cub rolls a hedgehog, "playing with him." In this case, the consent of the hedgehog is not asked.

During the discussion, it turns out that each character has a fear of the world. In this case, the hedgehog defends itself with needles, the rose - with thorns, the turtle simply hides in its shell. And the fox is afraid to show himself. He only presents his face to the world.

- What is the fox so afraid of?

- He is afraid to make mistakes and do something wrong. The devil says to the fox: “Don't run! Do not jump! You're awkward! You will fall! Stupid! You won't succeed !!"

“Damn is the only character who can speak. But, he says hurtful words. Why is he doing this?

- He lacks recognition, love. He criticizes, because he cares so much about the fox and the only way he knows how to draw attention to himself.

- Who often criticized you in childhood, and maybe criticizes you now? Who was stopping your actions?

- This is my grandmother, my father's mother. She constantly criticizes everyone. By the way, Mom calls her a devil.

- It turns out that the devil slows down the actions of the fox with criticism. Is there a fear of criticism behind laziness?

- It turns out that way.

Often the reason for inaction is our negative past experience. Laziness hides the fear of making a mistake, failing, and disbelief in one's own strengths. Thoughts appear: “Why try? All the same, nothing will work for me. It’s scary to hear criticism and feel “bad”.

Refusal to act is a manifestation of passive aggression. Thus, Masha reports that she is angry with her grandmother and does not want to fulfill her demands. Now that Masha has grown up protesting against her parents (the manifested figure of the grandmother and the undeveloped figure of the mother), she remains in the position of a child. In other words, the Inner Child is in charge of her actions. And the figure of the critical parent became internal, passed into the Internal Critical Parent. In fact, the girl has an internal conflict. One part of it passively, sabotaging activity, opposes another, requiring activity.

In therapy, an important step is to allow your Inner Child to resist authoritarian parenting, that is, to do what the child wants. And not to do what is required of him. The paradoxical result is that, after permission, a person has a choice. And since one of our important needs is self-realization, after the permission to be lazy, we start to act with PLEASURE - to study or work.

- Tell the fox that you allow him to be lazy.

Masha gave permission.

- Wow! The fox wanted to have a body.

Masha draws a fox's body.

- The fox seemed to have matured, became not a fox, but a fox, an interest in the world, curiosity appeared. He wants to act. Everyone needs to be GOOD.

- Tell the devil, “You're good. Thank you for caring about me! I give you permission to stop worrying, live an easy and fun life."

- Surprisingly, the devil becomes a grandmother, cheerful and contented.

In our culture, parenting is often replaced by criticism. When the child is quiet, obedient, avoids action, the parent's anxiety decreases, he is calmer this way. Parental selfishness is manifested under the slogan of love for the child and taking care of him. The present love manifests itself in trust in to kid, in allowing him to be wrong. A loving parent lives his own fears without passing them on to the child.

After Masha allowed her Inner Child to be lazy and the Critical Parent to live easily and cheerfully, she developed a desire to act. Masha recovered at the institute, she noticed her criticality and accepted it. Surprisingly, her relationship with the young hedgehog man and other family members improved significantly.

When a child is convinced that mistakes are being hit or rejected, he will avoid activities that involve the possibility of being wrong. Anxiety and inability to concentrate makes you procrastinate. As a person learns to take care of himself, he allows himself to rest, enjoy life, make mistakes (the Inner Critical Parent is replaced by the Caring Parent). And a person has a desire to act, despite the possibility of making mistakes and facing real external criticism.