Prevention Of Protection Of Own Borders In Public Places

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many of us have vague ideas about protecting our personal boundaries and space. This happens, as a rule, in childhood in the process of violations in upbringing and building relationships with adults.

So, many clients of 20-40 years old complain that they do not feel at ease at home, they still experience pressure and control from parents who do not respect their personal space, freely violating the boundaries. Communication outside the home, in public places is also hard for them …

Breaking boundaries is a generally metaphorical definition that sometimes encounters perceptual difficulties. Our boundaries are the outlines of our personality, in fact, this is everything that has to do with our world, our values, and in this regard, we can say with firm confidence that personal boundaries differ in shape, form, and content. For example, there are people who calmly tolerate persistent and obsessive people in their environment, who can go to you without anything, say a taunt, laugh at the lack. But sometimes such patient people, due to their upbringing, note a lot about themselves, but do not voice it to the stubborn interlocutor, believing that this does not concern them. Others, on the contrary, are very careful and selective in their contacts. They consciously control their boundaries. And in most cases this is due to personal experience, although it may be due to the peculiarities of the psycho-emotional warehouse, temperament and character of the personality.. So, they are reluctant to make contact with unfamiliar people, try to be careful and careful in social networks, at work or with friends … Still others cannot say no, falling into all sorts of traps. Here sometimes it is not even realized, as in the first case, the destructive line of behavior of other people violating the integrity of the personality. In order not to be unfounded, I will give examples.

For example, in life there are all sorts of curious or unpleasant incidents. So, I understand that in some cases my word will not be decisive, so sometimes I will not say anything, but sometimes, when it comes to human health and safety, be it a child beaten by a mother, or a living being in danger, I like many of us, I will act.

Mindful of how I myself was a young mother ten years ago, to whom advice on education, feeding, skills flocked from all over the world, I do not comment on mothers whose children can disturb the peace of any adult by screaming or noisy games.

So, sitting in the clinic with our grown-up sons, we already find topics for discussion, while the little one runs, laughs, squeals, cries under the unanimous disapproval of other parents sitting next to them. "Oh, how active you are! Did you take him to a neurologist?", "Why don't you watch your child?", - angrily reprimands someone's grandmother, who came with her grandson, who does not leave her a single step, to a young mother running with her tongue out after her child … does not work.

Do not interfere so as not to harm …Although I notice that there are situations that require outside intervention when a child is brought up in an atmosphere of permissiveness. For example, when a child is unattended, mom-dad is on the phone, the baby is on his own, runs, takes things, bags, toys from strangers … Of course, there is not enough attention and education …

Meanwhile, it's all about the boundaries.

Remembering my experience, at first it seemed funny that there was some kind of increased attention to my children. Then the advice became annoying. It was not always possible to answer harshly, and education did not allow. Therefore, by trial and error, I managed to put in place those who tried to teach me to raise children, advised me to do something, and sometimes even sympathized (!!!), and to stop attempts at unnecessary, meaningless and empty conversation, defending my borders and borders of children.

Unfortunately, in practice I often hear exactly the opposite.

I can’t get rid of the obsessive neighbor whom I met while walking with the child, I can’t say "No!" people who pester with advice and comments. I feel like a bad and useless mother."

And other people, on the contrary, take such advice for granted, fearing of offending another person who violates their own boundaries.

"Oh, how can I say this, and what if the person will be unpleasant?"

Of course, being a humanist is, of course, a good thing, but each of us is interested in the integrity and safety of our borders. Therefore, it is important to realize the following points.

To do this, I propose a small introspective technique aimed at introspection and work with oneself:

1. Who are these people for you?

2. Why do you overreact to what they tell you?

3. What role do these people play in your life?

4. Do you think their comment is adequate?

5. Do you feel guilty after talking to such people?

6. List what really touches you in their words?

7. Would you like to be correct, ideal (ideal) in front of these people?

8. Can you say that after their comments you want to be different?

9. Why do you think you need to listen to these people?

10. Can you protect yourself from such a psychological attack from the outside?

These questions will help you make a small breakthrough in self-observation and perhaps understand that striving to be “good” for someone cannot be productive without realizing the importance of your own personality. Invulnerability to invasion does not mean that you live as you want, turning into an anti-social being. After all, a person is a biological and social creature, and therefore socialization and comprehension of the canons of society should not be violated. But the question is precisely that by allowing others to invade his life, a person deforms his own personality, wanting to please well-wishers and conform to their orders without realizing the importance of his personality for this world, and, thus, allows him to break the boundaries of his personality and put himself at risk emotional overstrain.

Author: Arkhangelskaya Nadezhda Vyacheslavovna