2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Relationship dependence persists as long as there is an idealization of one partner by another -
the idea of him as more ideal than he really is.
Idealization is one of the main components of falling in love.
Why should a person idealize?
If he is in a relationship with the idealized person, then idealization, as a means of manipulation, can induce the other to meet the expectations of the idealizing person.
If the relationship is over, and idealization persists, then it performs the function of maintaining hope for a brighter future - with him / her I could / could be happy.
This encourages a person to live in their dreams and fantasies, carried away from the gray routine into the world of dreams.
Such a protective mechanism of the psyche is typical for people with a complex of Don Quixote or Alice in Wonderland.
They create in their head a certain ideal image, divorced from reality, and subsequently, the emotional state caused by fantasies about this image, stimulate their daily activity. A person, at times, deliberately breaks off relations at the stage of falling in love out of fear of being disappointed and losing the possibility of such a fantasy nourishment (one of the readers cited a metaphor for this phenomenon - "honey of illusions"). Living in dreams is characteristic of schizoid and hysterical personalities.
Narcissists use this protection to devalue their other partners, thereby controlling their behavior and protecting the fragile boundaries of their I, their vulnerable self-esteem, avoiding attachment and relationships.
In masochism, idealizing the image of the other, a person exposes himself to voluntary suffering because of unrequited love.
Thus, there is a significant and usually unconscious benefit in idealization.
Relationship addiction therapy seeks to uncover the hidden benefits of holding on to idealization, discovering what void in a person's life it fills in order to work later with the causes of this “void”.
De-idealization is a significant step in getting rid of a strong emotional attachment.
Deidealization is not the same as depreciation.
To de-idealize means to replace illusions with facts of reality. It is necessary to understand what the object of attraction really is - with a set of not only positive qualities, but also those that directly or indirectly said that it does not suit us, or it will be necessary to do a lot of work on oneself in order to decide on this relationship and their support.
To do this, we with clients sort out their relationship bit by bit, and when they re-immerse themselves in that reality, they begin to more soberly assess the partner and their prospects with him.
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