Basic Trust In The World? No, It Was Not

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Have you ever seen a crying baby, left in a crib for complacency, really quickly not only calmed down, but also cheered up? I'm not. He would rather fall asleep from exhaustion than return to a calm state. And yet, sometimes children are left just that way - to cope with their emotions alone

Sometimes clients in their hearts say “but where do these complexes come from in me ?! Why can't I just accept myself ?! Let's dream a little about childhood)

Imagine a baby crying. Persistent and stubborn. Not reacting either to food (and here the size of the breast or bottle does not play a role), or to the noise of a rattle, or to a lullaby in tandem with motion sickness. He just cries out loud - that's all. You cannot understand what he needs, you don’t understand whether it hurts him at this moment or from something scary. He just keeps on crying. A minute. Five. Half an hour. And everything you do to stop this rampant eye-catching Niagara is not working.

Perhaps someone will be surprised, but sometimes mothers in such a situation leave the room. Yes, that's right, leaving the crying baby to cry alone. They don't do it on purpose, it's just that the limbic system takes control of the body and forces it to take care of itself in the most banal way. Leaving the baby in the crib, they experience a very different range of emotions, believe me. From rage, anger to despair and feelings of own helplessness. Later, the frontal cortex will certainly add a bucket of guilt for this escape to this set, but that will come later.

Now imagine what happens to the child during this period. Just a minute ago, he was the center of the universe, it was he who made his mother sing songs, play with him, stay close until he felt bad. And in one second this greatness disappeared. Mom disappeared, and with her the feeling of safety and security went away.

So that's it. It is worth leaving the child in this state for a longer period than he can bear, and the basic trust in the world (other people in the future) cheerfully leaves in a certain direction. What is basic trust? This is when the world and the people living in it are not perceived as enemies and danger by default. This is when you, sitting in the kitchen in a hostel before the exam, do not tear your hair out on your head and do not run around your inner ward shouting "we will all die in this exam!" This is when a new relationship is perceived as new, and not as another attempt by the universe to stick an ax in the back.

Basic trust comes from childhood. This is when a small child cries, calls mom for help and she comes. She sings a song to him, presses him to his heart, shows him the cat and comforts him. Mom cannot be around absolutely always and sometimes, of course, she leaves the baby. It is important that this void is filled. In fact, this is how the awareness of oneself, one's boundaries occurs: through the lack and its replenishment. Normally, the child has this confidence: the mother will come and everything will work out. But if this has not happened many times, the belief that the world can be safe and someone can help - flows like water through your fingers. Then the world remains hostile and dangerous, and you can only rely on yourself.