Aggression Of First Graders. Helping Teachers And Parents

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I wrote this article 10 years ago, just then my youngest went to school. I felt, as they say, on myself. I posted an article on one of the sites in Novosibirsk and forgot. Now that site does not exist, and my article is circulating on the Internet under false names from psychologists from different cities. What to do - they steal:)))

I decided to post the article here in its original form, without combing, although over the years, I read and smile.

The topic of the conversation is the aggression of our children. What if they fight all the time?

The easiest way to say: “Calm down, parents, your children are first graders. There is a process of school adaptation, active adaptation to a new environment, a new team, new requirements, to the teacher. Give them time, be patient. Those. do nothing, wait, it will pass by itself.

But in fact, it may not pass, tk. there are many reasons for aggression. Let's take a closer look.

1. From the point of view social psychologyAs soon as people gather in groups, whether we like it or not, the group is structured, a hierarchy is built. Everyone knows about the animal world (and we humans are part of it) - there is a rigid hierarchical structure in a flock, an anthill, a bee family, etc. - each individual takes its place. Aggression is a sign of "vitality" in a flock, it allows you to take a "higher" position.

And in a group of people, roles are distributed in a similar way: who will be the leader, who will be the follower, who is the outcast or the “white crow”. Even in a group of crawling babies, some will try to climb higher, make loud sounds, scream, some louder, bang toys.

Many of today's first-graders have claims to be exceptional, because everyone in the family revolves around him, often the only one, spoiled, praised. And our children begin to check "Who is cooler?" In fights. Along the way, they clarify - “what I can and cannot in relation to others”, “what can I expect in this flock” - the boundaries are checked.

When everyone finds out about everyone, the aggression really subsides, the feeling “We are a group, we are together” appears. This does not mean that there will be no fights at all, but in the established team the level of relations is warmer, each in its place.

2. Another reason for aggressiveness is age 7 years. This is the time of the normative age crisis. A crisis is a revolutionary change in the psyche, all mental functions - thinking, memory, perception, imagination, speech and behavior. The changes gradually accumulated, were imperceptible, and by the age of 7 there was a leap - “the transition from quantity to quality”. Everything changes, rages. Literally and figuratively, children are actively changing teeth. We don't recognize our child. He became different. Quiet and docile suddenly manifests itself in the opposite way. He needs aggressiveness to prove to us his independence, adulthood. This period in life, despite all the complexity, testifies to the normal course of the process of mental development.

3. Let's not forget about biological reasons. Children with minimal cerebral dysfunction (MMD), many with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, are very often aggressive. They are motor disinhibited, they do not respond to calls, poorly adapted to generally accepted standards. Their behavior is based on residual phenomena of early organic brain damage during the period of intrauterine development of a child or in the first months after birth (toxicosis in the mother, Rh-conflict, birth trauma, infection, and other diseases of an early age).

Their primary aggressive behavior, unfortunately, is amplified by the fact that they constantly hear shouts, reprimands, they are endlessly punished. Adults do not understand that it is pointless to demand from such a child "calm down, sit down, pull yourself together." He simply cannot stop. The centers of inhibition are not ripe. Remarks of adults and dissatisfaction cause secondary (defensive) aggressive reactions in the child: protest, refusal, opposition.

By adolescence, the brain usually matures. But the danger is that, despite age compensation, inappropriate behavior is recorded and reproduced in the usual way. The habit of fighting, boiling, being rude, etc. is consolidated.

Such a child in primary school needs constant parental control. There will be no superfluous help from a psychologist plus support with medications. The drugs will be prescribed by a doctor - a neuropathologist or a neuropsychiatrist. For example, they will prescribe mild sedatives to relieve excessive arousal; someone needs stimulation of cerebral circulation; vasodilators or absorbents, or vitamins, herbal infusions, etc.

4. Unfortunately, there is pathologically aggressive children … Here we are talking about more severe changes in brain structures. Deep spheres of the psyche are affected. Already at the age of 2-4 years, one can notice that such a child differs in mood from his peers. He boils over a trifle matter, does not tolerate restrictions at all, seeks to sadistically hurt loved ones, he lacks a sense of empathy, pity, he is extremely selfish, cruel.

Such a child needs the help of a psychiatrist. Aggression can be one of the symptoms of severe mental illness. Correction is required, and medication (psychotropic drugs) and psychological and pedagogical. Parents should not be afraid, it is better to start earlier, so as not to suffer in the future. Most often, such children are identified only in elementary school, because not everyone goes to kindergarten. And at home - parents "close their eyes" to their pranks. They could be prepared for communication with other children (classes with a psychologist, correction of parental behavior, etc.). But time is running out. And in the end, they are transferred to individual training.

5. But most often the reason for aggression is improper upbringing in the family … It is based on an unmet need for parental love (this happens in very prosperous families). Parents believe that showing tenderness, hugging, kissing their children, admiring, praising is a superfluous occupation. they are emotionally closed to their children (especially dads).

Talking about your love out loud, eye to eye, parents get in the way "Incorrect" settings:

-all parents love their children, children already "know" about it, it does not need proof;

- the main task of me as a parent is not to spoil me, not to raise a "mama's boy", a "capricious whiner";

- life is difficult, let him get used to the requirements from childhood, then he will say thank you.

Sometimes, instead of love, parents pay off, give toys, give money for everything that is possible, so long as "they did not touch me, I am already tired." The child does not receive anything except money - there are no “heart-to-heart conversations”, joint activities. He was developed intellectually, but he was not taught to sympathize, empathize, respect the elders, protect the weak.

6. It can be said separately about the appearance of a younger brother or sister. The elder lacks love and attention. Resentment appears: the baby is loved more, a feeling of uselessness, abandonment. The child is angry, he feels bad, lonely. If it is not customary in the family to talk about their feelings, especially if it is forbidden to show their anger, irritation - these feelings will "merge" on others.

Children who are overlooked, who lack love, will seek the attention of any sign on the side, including through fights.

Aggressive behaviors are strengthened by:

- rough, cruel treatment of the child by the parents;

-use of physical force during family quarrels (fights);

- attracting him to visit (watch) violent sports: boxing, fights without rules, etc.;

-Viewing action movies, scenes of violence both in feature films and in cartoons;

-approval of aggressive behavior: “And you hit him too”, “And you break it”, “What can you not take away ?!”

There is an opinion of psychologists that children too early (up to 10 years old) should not be sent to the karate, boxing, etc. sections. Since the psyche is not yet formed, the development of the personality can go the "wrong" way. A special danger is if the coach turns out to be a bad teacher-educator. Aggression will increase, there will be a desire to show off skills in front of other children, fight until victory, etc.

How can parents help children?

In every family it is necessary to develop "family rules" - laws: what should not be done in your family under any guise and under any conditions. For an aggressive child, the list of “taboo” must include the item “you cannot raise your hand against a family member”, “you cannot beat a dog, a cat”.

The response to violations of the "taboo" must be immediate. In this case, the child is not beaten or even scolded. There is nothing but alienation. Let us recall the archaic and strong punishment for breaking a taboo - alienation from the clan.

All adults must work out common requirements so that it is not possible: with a grandmother, this is possible, but with a father it is categorically impossible. It is desirable for generations to cooperate rather than fight for influence and authority.

In education against the background of democracy, there must be "healthy" authoritarianism. Until a certain age, children need a restrictive bar. There are times when aggression is a signal to adults: "I can't cope with myself, stop me!" Deep down, the child understands that he is behaving badly, and in fact is looking for someone who would stop him, who would do it for him. A kind of requirement to define the boundaries of what is permitted. It is necessary to show the child your strength, confidence. It is very important for children that adults cope with their aggression, because the one who protected you from himself will be able to protect you from external dangers.

When a child fights, scandalizes, falls into hysterics - do not panic. Now it is useless to exhort him, to scold him. Take them to another room (the toilet and bathtub are undesirable due to their small size), saying: sit here, when you calm down, you will leave. In silence, he will get angry, shout and, due to the lack of "spectators", will cool down faster.

Teach your child the acceptable ways to express their anger.

The best way to learn is by example.

Speak out loud:

- I am angry. Now it seems to me that I am angry with the whole world. Until I calm down, it is better not to approach me!

- I am wildly annoyed, and it seems to me that no one in this house hears me. I need rest. Etc.

Give a strong and active child independence adequate to his age, "release" the leash.

Provide a place, time and opportunity for physical activity, energy release. A sports section, long walks, climbing on everything that he can climb without risking his life, a home gymnastic corner are useful.

Remove unnecessary organization. Many children are overloaded with numerous circles, sections, schools. Perhaps give up for a while or completely from a music school, a language school, etc.

Maintain friendship and good relations between the child and the children from the class, let them walk together, go to visit, the theater, and call back. Be friends with your parents yourself.

Teach your child to overcome disagreements in a civilized way, tell him that insults and fights are the argument of the wrong. You need to fight in exceptional cases when there is a very good reason.

Teach yourself to take responsibility for getting into fights. Not "this is happening to me," but "I am doing this," not "they made me angry," but "I am angry, I was angry at what they were doing." “Who commands you - you or them?” If the child says: “They”, you must say: “No, only you are in command, and you decide whether you are angry or not. You are a separate person! How do they do it - pull some levers at you, and you get angry?

A child prone to aggressive behavior should be given the opportunity to gain the respect of others, involving him in help, in socially and family-significant matters. It is necessary to consider what the child is strong in, and develop these sides of him, encourage his efforts, encourage him. Those. help achieve results peacefully.

Talk about legal responsibility for causing different kinds of damage to other people (and moral as well). It is important to tell your child that in a fight, “surrender” can be far more troublesome than anticipated.

Can't hit:

- temple (blow can cause hemorrhage, visual and hearing impairment, paralysis, death)

-solar plexus (gastric bleeding and loss of consciousness)

- articulation of the ribs and their cartilaginous parts (a blow can cause internal bleeding, cracks)

- armpits (a blow can cause paralysis of the arm)

- kidneys (internal bleeding, rupture)

ears (bleeding, ruptured eardrum, deafness)

groin (internal bleeding, pain shock)

-sacrum (a fracture can cause paralysis)

Be patient and trust in your children!