2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
My previous article, but rather not an article, but the last two paragraphs about anger, raised the question of one of the readers: "Is there a solution to being angry with others?"
Here is a screenshot from the article and the reader's question itself as a fragment of the dialogue that took place.
Of course, a lot depends on our attitude towards anger and how it is manifested.
Anger includes a diverse spectrum of emotions: irritation, anger, rage.
In practice, I witnessed many cases when a person forbade himself to get angry from the attitude: "if you are angry, then you are bad." The list goes on: “unworthy of love, crazy, down to earth, not enlightened, you will burn in hell,” and so on.
If a psychologist deals with a client who leads a self-damaging lifestyle, it is obvious to him that the reason is auto-aggression.
When a person does not allow himself to show anger outside, he directs it towards himself. This is expressed in suicidal conversations and actions, in self-harm of various kinds (cuts, overeating, alcoholism, reckless driving, hobbies with a risk to life, incessant self-accusations), in frequent psychosomatic disorders, etc.
To get out of this vicious circle, it is necessary to achieve the realization that "anger is present in me", and then answer the questions: 1. what situations cause it; 2. what thoughts accompany anger; 3. what beliefs are blocking her; 4. How do you deal with the emotion of anger? 5. How can you otherwise treat her? Anger is a signal that communicates some of our unmet need, often associated with past traumatic experiences (for example, a need for respect, gratitude, recognition). Someone, for example, discovers that all the time they suppress dissatisfaction with the violation of their boundaries by others, but does not find the courage to change this
Various beliefs and fears can block the manifestation of anger: fear of aggression, fear of being rejected, ashamed, thoughts of your own insignificance, etc.
Anger awakens, activates. So, for example, there is a sthenic style of response, aimed at self-affirmation (in its good understanding), and there is an asthenic style, leading to avoidance of difficulties, failures, to a passive, apathetic way of life.
It's important to understand that anger comes in many different ways. Causing harm to others, insults, accusations will not lead to the desired result and leave an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul. However, the energy of anger can be directed towards achievement, towards building optimal boundaries with the environment, protecting your interests, and the courage to tell your loved one what you would like to change in your relationship with him, in general, to voice your emotions and needs. This form of expressing anger is called constructive aggression and there is nothing wrong with it. Even a quarrel can be a manifestation of constructive aggression if, as a result, the attitude towards the problem changes and the participants are emotionally relieved.
Another article of mine on the topic of constructive aggression: "Seven Ways to Express Aggression Environmentally."
* Illustrations: Alyssa Monks.
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