2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How to tell the difference between a narcissist and a psychopath at the beginning of a relationship. When he still looks perfect, sweet and suave, and not a cruel cold abuser and a monster.
I got caught in a psychological group by a post from a girl in style - she barely got out of a relationship with a narcissist, and then again a sweet and courteous boy was caught, and apparently does not seem to offer anything, but I seem to be falling in love, but I cannot understand him. And no matter how he turned out to be like the past.
But this is so, very briefly described. The case itself is worthy of a separate case, but this reflection is not about it. I read it, wrote a comment about something else in it and went to work. And the question about psychopaths does not go out of my head.
I really think how to tell the difference, so it seems like these people are masters of pleasant impressions and you will not dig deeper, purposeful, successful, heroes of companies, etc. I began to recall my experience of meeting and consulting with such people. And then it dawned on me. There is exactly one very characteristic feature by which you can notice them almost immediately.
Attitude towards others.
Since a well-socialized psychopath lacks empathy, but at the same time has a good knowledge of what kind of mask to wear, in order to impress the right people, in order to look interesting and charming. They usually use this mask not always, but only when necessary.
And if an integral personality, although in some places adapts to the level of the interlocutor, will still be with everyone in about the same tone. Either a person with a split or wearing a mask will produce a very strong contrast between the attitude towards those who should like and those who do not.
Therefore, a person who treats you well, but at the same time hates the whole world, considers people to be rubbish, or simply speaks rudely with waiters or taxi drivers, most likely can be the same.
One may ask a question - what is bad, let him go to the world as he wants, the main thing is that it would be good with me? - Well, on the one hand, yes, it's nice when a person is distinguished from the rest of the world. Actually, this is also one of their tricks, - "Look how I highlight you, all the dust, and you are special!" There is only one "but". Psychopaths wear their "cute" mask only as long as they need something from you, or until you are dependent on him. As soon as the need for a person ends, or as soon as a person becomes completely in his power, and the need to pretend disappears, the mask ends. And you are put on the same level with the "taxi drivers" and "waiters" and they begin to communicate accordingly.
Specifically, in the case from which my reflections began, a situation was described in which a girl with this boy sat until two in the morning and drank wine, while an official girl called him on his nerves, with questions - which he did not answer for so long.
That certainly doesn't make him a psychopath. This is also done by completely healthy individuals. But the bell in my head should already ring. If a person does this to others, then he can begin to do the same with me.
And a little more about daffodils.
Since this note was written, there have been second and third signs of how to identify, this time a narcissist.
One is very rare. If a man begins to send photos when meeting with other girls, then most likely he may be a narcissist. There is a desire to show off and make an impression, but there is no understanding of what feelings this can cause in others.
Another sign is how the person leads me on the first date. For a narcissist, unlike a psychopath, it is important to show off, and not to adjust. On this topic, the conversation will be somehow connected with him. From a recent history, I have a friend with a pronounced narcissism and at the same time a very kind soul and quite good intentions for life, other people, and girls in particular. But his brain works in a special way, the inability to empathy plays a role here. For example, to his quite sincere question - how are you, you can honestly answer - sad. And in return, get a couple of verses from the song, where there is a line about sadness. That is, even the experiences of another person are also sometimes a reason to show off.
So, closer to the topic. This friend went on a date, and he really liked the girl, very much and asked for advice on this matter. To answer which I needed to clarify what they were talking about on a date. It turned out: about his work, about his hobbies, about his leisure time, about his studies. This confused me a little, and then I decided to clarify. What does a girl like? - I do not know. How does she like to spend her free time? - I do not know. Where is she planning to celebrate the New Year? - Chot did not think to ask … Narcissus.
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