How To Respond To Open, Active Aggression? Direct Recommendations

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It is important to be able to defend yourself, then you can live confidently and express yourself confidently. Below are 4 situations, let's figure out how to act in each of them.

1. You meet with the aggression of an absolutely stranger. The situation is pretty straightforward and easy to operate. The aggressor can be someone passing by on the street, in a store; perhaps a stranger hits a shop window, shows aggression towards you or other people. You see from the outside that human behavior is potentially dangerous and aggressive - what to do? Get as far away as possible, but don't run! Your consciousness is screaming that you need to run, leave dangerous territory as soon as possible, but outwardly you need to maintain confidence, to carry your own dignity. Why is it so important? In an inadequate state, people react like animals. For example, a dog runs towards you and barks. In this situation, it is important to stop and not run anywhere - run and the dog will rush after you. No - stop and let the animal know that you are not afraid. You can try to speak with a dog in a soft tone so that he hears that you are not dangerous, but it is better not to talk to a stranger on the street or in a store, not to look him in the eyes, not to provoke him to come up to you. Imagine in your mind that you are not there and walk away slowly.

Another life fact - if you understand that you will be late for a long time, call someone from your relatives or friends to pick you up.

Let me give you a personal example. Once I returned quite late from work, at that time I lived in a rather disadvantaged area of the city. I got off the bus, and a man stood in the dark on the path between the houses and looked at me, then followed me. I was scared - I could not know for sure that he was following me, perhaps it seemed to me, but the situation was strange, moreover, the man was clearly catching up with me. Considering that he quickly walked around the house, I was 90% sure that the man was following me. In fact, I had to go through 2 more houses, but it is very scary to go into the front door myself if someone is chasing you. A woman and three guys (one girl and two guys) walked towards them, and I turned to them for help (“Sorry, guys, I think I’m being pursued, maybe it seems to me, but I’m really scared. Could you please me lead to the front door? "-" Who is pursuing, where is he? "). When I pointed to my pursuer, he was just passing by, and the guys offered to take me to the house, I felt safe next to them.

2. A stranger in an adequate state (if the person is more or less familiar to you, but not a relative). For example, a neighbor pokes at your nails “What are your black nails? What kind of fashion has gone to black now?”, Or the landlady starts screaming for something. If you are not even to blame, then you have every right to say not to communicate with you in such a tone - you are an adult and have the right to a respectful tone. And here it is important that within yourself you also have such a right! There will be no confidence inside that you are worthy of respect, in response you will hear some kind of opposition ("As I want, so I talk!"). Understand that you have the right to stop communicating with a person in any case, even if it is the landlady and you depend on her (“I will stop talking to you until you change your tone”). You are interdependent - and you need something from her, and something from you. In a situation with a neighbor, you can even interrupt the dialogue: “My nails are none of your business!”.

Now consider the situation if the aggression comes from a fairly close social circle, but you are not yet related. For example, your friends, some distant relatives, colleagues, classmates begin to insult or criticize or threaten you. You have the right to stop their tirade in plain text: “Please don't talk to me in that tone. You have no right to this, this conversation is unpleasant to me! " If there is no reaction, try 2-3 times. The first time a person may not understand what you are serious about. And be sure to give yourself the right internally to be spoken to respectfully. If even 2-3 attempts did not give any reaction - warn ("If you continue to communicate with me like this, I will stop our conversation!"). And again - try to repeat it several times, but be sure to look at your feelings (how much painful and unpleasant you are). If the pain and discomfort is so strong that you cannot even say such a text once, or you said it, but immediately regretted it, interrupt the communication. It is better to end the conversation with such people than tolerate it because you cannot say anything in return. You will make yourself worse if you endure. It doesn't matter who it is (friend, close spouses, partners, companions, parents), no one has the right to talk to you without respect. In fact, the person acts out their anger at you, and you get pain. Aggression has nothing to do with respect. If you are not respected in a relationship, you as a person simply do not exist in them - and why, then, do you need such a person next to you?

It is important - if you do not know in what state a person is (adequate / inadequate, in alcoholic or drug intoxication, perhaps he has psychosis), always assume that he is inadequate and use point # 1. If, in principle, a person is adequate, but a stranger to you (you are unfamiliar with him) - point # 1.

3. Someone has caused you physical pain (or causes), caused some damage (hit, touched, molested, pushed). You have the right not to be treated like that. Remember the first and most important thing to always remember in the depths of your soul - only the abuser is to blame for the violence. We are all thinking creatures (we are not talking about small children, when they do not yet know how to handle their aggression). Adults should understand what they are doing, so you should not look for the problem in yourself - try to either break off the relationship as much as possible, or ask for help from relatives, friends, in special bodies, from the state. Yes, it is difficult to get help from the state, but it's worth trying.

If you are trying to correct the current situation, your body reads it as a signal (“I take care of myself, I have the right to this concern from the state, relatives, friends”), and this strengthens your self-confidence, even if in the end nothing happened … The main thing is not to be silent, do not worry about everything alone, shout about it, write on social networks, tell every acquaintance (help may come in time from the most unexpected places - this happens, believe it!).

4. Aggression from loved ones. Physical aggression most often occurs in childhood, until the age of 18-20, until a person has matured. When a child has become an adult, it is quite difficult to beat him, therefore, psychological violence is often continued. As a rule, both physical and psychological violence go together - there is one, which means there is a second. Psychological abuse can look like condemnation, criticism, disrespectful statements in your direction, etc. Passive aggression can sometimes be used.

What to do? Your task in this case is to stay in an adult position, not to fall into trauma, not to return to childhood when you went through your traumatic experience. You are not a small child and no longer depend on the parent and his opinion. You need to be sure that you do what you want, and if you don’t want something, it’s right and normal. In general, you should be confident that you are a normal person, despite the opinions of others, even relatives. Hearing an unpleasant opinion from your family is always painful, but you need to stay on your side. You must believe in yourself more than in anyone else. When you listen and believe what other people say, you are more supportive than yourself.

Staying on your side is also a form of protecting yourself, and in this case, the most difficult task. If you can figure out how to stay in an adult position, then nothing will be scary for you - you can put a clear boundary and choose the right text for relatives. As a template, you can use:

- Mom, this is none of your business!

- Mom, even though you think I’m abnormal now, my opinion is that I’m normal!

- Mom, I understand that I may be wrong, but I want to get my own experience!

- Mom, I'm not interested in your opinion about who I am! And is what I want right!

If you cannot set the line and still engage in insults / disrespectful tone, stop communicating with relatives altogether. When you do it, become stronger and more confident inside, then you can continue to communicate. There may be periods in life when you need to move away and get stronger - this is normal! The confidence that you are able to protect yourself, in order to live without fear and in pleasure, definitely needs to be worked out.