Epic Pie, 80s Music, And Mixed-age Marriages

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“Kisses and tears my one and only

Don't be lonely, I'm right here

Kisses and tears will turn a bad dream

To a good thing, it's so clear”

The idea of an article about the music of the eighties and its benefits for our generation is inextricably linked with the dish, which I call nothing other than "epic pie", and no matter how I twist in my head the versions of the first paragraphs of the article, I need to start with it, with the pie …

By a happy coincidence (for me) my husband is engaged in cooking in the family, to whom God gave the talent to mix a variety of products luxuriously, patience to achieve ideal proportions of these very products and the desire to try new things, and my contribution to the question of "tasty and healthy food" is limited breakfast porridge and pies.

A couple of days before the New Year, I came up with the idea to bake kurnik, which I was treated to once in my student years, and I proudly announced to my husband that I would take care of lunch myself. The recipe I found at Povarenka said that it would take me a maximum of a couple of hours to prepare a luxurious three-layer chicken coop, because I just need to prepare three fillings, bake pancakes and arrange the layers in the correct order. Immediately after breakfast, I armed myself with an apron and a scoop, and spent the first hour or two running between the stove and the refrigerator, proud of myself that the rice and eggs were boiled, the mushrooms were fried, and the dough was set. When the water boiled in a pot with chicken drumsticks and the aroma of boiled chicken spread throughout the house, dogs came running into the kitchen, who, as you know, love their owners very much, but love chicken more. The chicken was already almost cooked, and I was still fiddling with a dozen ingredients for the filling, trying not to forget which of the fillings should be filled with mushrooms, and which should not, while dodging the dogs, who persistently tried to steal a piece of something edible … I must say that I am used to such behavior of dogs and their begging in the kitchen rather touches me.

- Soon it's time to go for a walk, - my husband looked into the kitchen, looking with surprise at a dozen bowls and bowls on the worktable, - almost half past eleven.

- Probably, go without me, - I looked at the clock, starting to suspect that the version with “a couple of hours” was, to put it mildly, greatly understated, - I haven't even finished the filling yet, but I still need to bake pancakes.

- And what is it in your saucepan? Boiled chicken?

I nodded and immediately out of the corner of my eye noticed a grimace on his face, informing him that the idea of boiled chicken did not strike him as overwhelmingly appetizing.

- This is the chicken pie that you think I should put in there? Mice? - I almost flared up.

- Well, I don't know how delicious boiled chicken will be, - the husband was clearly skeptical, - I never ate boiled chicken at all, you know.

I figured out the amount of food that I had already consumed for the preparation of the filling, and at the same time and effort, and I got angry completely.

- I told you I was going to make chicken pie! What didn't you say right away that you didn't want to?

- Well, I didn't know that there would be boiled chicken inside and in general you have fillings here for three dinners! What's this epic pie?

- Well, here's a cake, I do everything according to the recipe! What am I going to do now, throw it all away? I almost hissed.

My husband shrugged his shoulders slightly, which caused my imagination to flash pictures of throwing "all this" into the trash can. The dogs sat very quietly on the rug, listening attentively to the dialogue and turning their heads towards the speaker.

- Maybe I should give it all to the dogs? - I gave my voice the maximum level of murderous sarcasm.

- Dadada, - the dogs nodded, - give it to us, mistress! We will not let you down!

The husband realized that he needed to somehow get out of the conversation before the situation got too tense.

“Okay, then we'll go for a walk, bake our own pie,” he said conciliatoryly, at which I just glared angrily in his direction.

When the door slammed behind them, I realized that I had to somehow amuse myself, otherwise I would really throw everything into the trash. It was necessary to cheer up, and what could be better than singing along with the music of the 80s, when it's almost New Year's?

I don't remember exactly how many views on Youtube the video under the general title “Disco 80s. Autoradio”, but I am sure that it will be several million. Boney M, C. C. Catch, Modern Talking, Dr. Alban, Arabesque, Bad Boys Blue: who doesn't know them and who doesn't listen to them during the New Year holidays? Everyone knows, and I'm pretty sure everyone is listening. We grew up on this music, it has been with us since our childhood and adolescence, and it is still with us. Once upon a time, these were just melodies, and we could only sing along with them in those pieces that we could remember; now I know for sure what they are singing about, but this music still pleases me with its lightness.

"I want to hear the beating of your heart", "Be with me, I feel bad without you", "Don't leave, come back to me, I'm cold at night alone", "Pretty girl of my dreams, I want you to be mine.", "Oh, oh, I need you so, oh, oh."

When my husband and the dogs returned from the walk, I sang along and danced, despite the fact that the pancakes stubbornly did not want to take the desired shape, the number of bowls on the desktop increased even more, and the chicken cooled down for a very long time and burned my fingers. We sat down to lunch closer to three o'clock, the epic cake turned out to be so huge that it could feed all the neighbors on our street, but these simple songs sounded inside me and life seemed easy and pleasant.

I don't listen to music very often, as such, rather, it is a "background" that sounds in parallel with what I do, and in recent years it is more often music for meditation, as it does not distract from thinking and writing lyrics. I think when we were teenagers, music meant so much more to us, it was a whole world to immerse in. He tuned in to a certain wave, lyrical or dance, and in this world there was depth, the second or third layer of subtext, and I'm not talking about the "words of songs", I'm talking about emotions and sensations. Sometimes I catch myself that when I listen to a song written a couple of years ago, even if I like the rhythm or melody, I do not find any depth or subtexts or second meanings in it, it's just "umts-umts", just a set sounds.

Once, at work, I was traveling in a car with a man about my age and a girl one and a half times younger. It was a long way to go, and after clicking on the radio channels, we found a station where the music of the 80s and 90s was being played, and the driver and I shook our heads in tune, singing along with Metallica and Depeche Mode. After a couple of hours, the girl could not stand it and said that our pensioner songs were already across her throat and it would be better if we found something decent and more fun. We found a station with the newest and most popular songs, but spent the rest of the road in silence, as we did not know at all how to sing along with these songs.

I can't say that modern songs are bad or stupid, or there is no depth and meaning in them, but I clearly realize that they do not make me want to sing along with them (with rare exceptions). After some reflection, I came to the conclusion that nothing connects me with these songs or music, we exist on different "waves", I have no emotions or memories that this music would evoke in me, and therefore it seems to me " empty”, superficial. Let's just say she doesn't mean anything to me.

Psychologists and esotericists often say that childhood is a very important part of a person's life; in childhood, the foundations and patterns of behavior are laid that will be with a person throughout his entire future life, and if these models at some point turn out to be inoperative (due to the fact that that living conditions or society have changed), their change is always painful and involves a lot of negative emotions and mental efforts. But based on numerous conversations with clients, I can say that there is another period in a person's life, perhaps no less important: the age of a teenager, about 13-14 years old (age 14 will correspond to the second stage of seven-year cycles, the transition from the second chakra to third, to self-awareness in society).

If an infant is busy with survival (from 0 to 7 years old - the first chakra), a child - studying himself and building relationships with parents (from 7 to 14 years old), then for a teenager, the most important task becomes relationships with others, with people outside the family. He - or she - needs to "find himself through others", to see himself through the prism of attitudes of significant people who can be both teachers and peers, and how the teenager "goes through" this stage will depend, for example, the success or unsuccessful future family life, good relationships with colleagues or boss. When my generation was in school, we were told that the most important thing is to study well, and we studied, and those who did not study so well were treated a little downwardly ("excellent" vs. "C"). When we grew up, graduated from college and started looking for work, where did we go? Either to be hired in government agencies (hello, "state employees!"), Or in a private business, and who was waiting for us in this very "private" business? Basically, yesterday's C grade students, because while we were busy studying Latin or logarithms, they learned to communicate and interact with other people. Negotiate, adjust, concede, look for moves and options. What did the "excellent students" need to learn in the 90s? Selling yourself as a specialist, and it was insanely difficult, because it was definitely not taught in school. And it turned out that the world somehow coped without excellent students, since they were rigid and did not want to change, and the C-students benefited from their ability to “spin and adapt”.

In the same age cycles, we can look further: from 14 to 21 years old, a person must learn to peacefully and joyfully get along with the world around him, and after 21 years he switches to the Anahata chakra, the heart, which is often described as "unconditional love." After 21 years, we move under “Our Spirit”, disconnect from the family egregor and serve what we have chosen to serve (here I am talking about “the highest destiny” and not about “finding a job”). But! A calm and successful transition to the next level is possible only with a successful "passing the exam", almost like in school, although the Earth is a school for spiritual beings, that is, you and me. And if the exam is not passed, the transition is impossible. And now a person is already 40 or more years old, and he still has not passed his exam for a successful existence in society, and in terms of emotional development he remained at the level of a teenager, with whom no one is friends at school, because he cannot be friends. Just kidding, there could be another reason. A person does not know how to build relationships, with anyone, neither with colleagues, nor with marriage partners, and often there is no marriage, because there is no skill to interact, negotiate, distribute responsibilities. A partner is not a parent, and he is not obliged to do anything for our hero (or heroine).

Back to music. What did all the cute, sweet-voiced boys sing about in the 80s? That the most important thing is love, these are feelings, these are experiences. If you listen more carefully, it’s more about sex than about love, but a teenage girl has a different feeling, it seems to her that all these “lie down next to me and feel the warmth of my body” are about unity, about relationships, about everlasting love and lived happily ever after. There is nothing more important than feelings, there is no work, care and growing up, why, because our bodies are near and this is all that is needed. And after all, we believed in this when we were teenagers, maybe not all, but the majority, and that's where the tentacles of “second and third” subtexts, hidden meanings and memories stretch out. To this song, Katya danced a slow dance with the most beautiful boy of the parallel, to that song Masha kissed for the first time, but to that song Nadia rode around the evening city with the guy she was in love with. All this tangle of emotions makes the songs of those years so pleasant for us, not at all because of their artistic value, but because they instantly take us there, to our 14, where life was so easy, what is the most important thing, what we need there was worry, there were feelings. "Loves, does not love, spits, kisses", this is not "mortgage, loans, how to feed the children and how cheaper to go on vacation."Frankly, sometimes I really want the only grief in life to be that a boy I like likes another, and not everything that we face every day - how to survive, how to achieve success, how to find time for something, which brings joy.

The music that we listened to in our "teenage years" and which meant a lot to us, as it was a part of our life, means a lot to us now, moreover, it is a kind of "time therapy". For example, Katya, who has long been deeply immersed in the cycle "husband, children, work", will remember the boy she danced with and understand that male beauty is not useful in the household, Masha realizes that it was absolutely not worth kissing with that boy, because for him it was nothing more than an attempt to prove his own adulthood, and Nadia would look at her husband and invite him to ride around the city at night. For that young girl, whom I mentioned at the beginning of the article, who rode with us in the car, this music does not mean anything, because personally she has no internal connections with these sounds, just as I have with that music, which is a lot means to her.

When we move on to the next stages of growing up, we have something different, which is important, different "milestones", significant events, but we will always remain attached to music, which is equal for us to our adolescence. From here it is easy for me to throw a bridge to the next idea, to uneven-age marriages. Each generation has its own "vibration", its own "wave", its own characteristics. Even the music of each generation is different, and according to my theory, the most significant music will be the one that we listened to about 14-15 years old. Then, for the generation of 40s, this is the music of the 80s, and for those of 30s - the music of the 90s, and this is completely different, and so with every age. If a certain music is equal to a certain “emotional wave”, then it is more or less easy for me to find a common language with someone who grew up on the same wavelength as me, and nationality will be much less important. It will be easy for our "inner teens" to find common ground, and if our waves are completely different, then it is more difficult for us to make friends, although I am not saying that it is impossible. In my opinion, the maximum age difference in a couple is 3 years, in either direction, then the partners still grew up "on the same wavelength", which is impossible if the difference is a generation or more. Moreover, I think the happiest couples are those who remain “teenagers in love” in relation to each other, despite the years spent together, children, dogs and mortgages. I do not think that it is somehow especially important for a couple to have "common interests" or "spend all their free time together", no, the coolest thing is "to be on the same wavelength" dreaming. Can we get it in marriages with big age gaps? Rather no, unless one of the partners will make a special effort on himself, “catch” the wave of the other and will keep on it.

But after all, some people quite consciously go into relationships with a large age difference, why? And then, in order to avoid that very "closeness". Subconsciously, a person is not ready for a "partner" relationship, to be frank with himself and with a partner, moreover, he subconsciously vibrates on the attitude "You still won't understand me", which ultimately pushes the partner away, because the relationship is it’s not only sex, sleeping in the same bed and raising children, it’s an inner strong bond. Sometimes relationships are presented to me in the form of equilibrium scales - two bowls on a chain. Two people “align” each other all the time: if I fall into pessimism, my husband “pulls” me back and vice versa. We know what emotional state brings us the greatest calmness and “resourcefulness” (a smart word), and we help each other to be in it, because it helps us, as a couple, to live the life that we like. Family life is never static at all, it is dynamic, we change every day, new ideas, new emotions come to us, we are different every day, and in a good couple we constantly "adjust" to the "updated" partner, and he - to us.

In order to grow up, a teenager needs to go through the stage of full "disclosure" of himself, he needs to understand himself, accept himself and be able to entrust himself to someone else, entrust all his feelings, experiences, painful and pleasant, any … Trust - and let go, no matter what happens next, the very fact of being ready to show trust is important. If you were lucky and had a friend or girlfriend whom you trusted as a teenager, and he / she never betrayed you, then it is easier for you to find happiness in family life, if not, then it is more difficult, but possible. It is difficult to go through betrayal, but it is possible, and if you went through this lesson correctly, consider that you passed the exam. In the end, what is "like death" for a teenager, for an adult is just another experience, one more lesson.

Many psychologists write about “building relationships with your inner child,” which helps improve relationships with your parents, but the next step is building relationships with your inner teenager, and in my understanding, this will help improve your family life and your overall understanding of yourself.

Joy to you and conscious creation of your reality, Yours, #anyafincham