WHY WISHES DO NOT COME TRUE Or "Fortune Teller Effect"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I want to tell you the truth about this phenomenon, which is popularly called laziness or lack of will. They don't exist!

For example: what will most people think when they see a fat person? Most likely something like - he should moderate his appetites and start going to the gym. It is understood that this person does not have the will to stop gluttony, and he is too lazy to take care of himself. And the thin, supposedly, have this very will.

The same happens if we see a person who earns little, a man lying on the couch, or a teenager sitting at a computer. Most likely, these concepts will flash in my thoughts - laziness and lack of will. Truth?

And then another portrait emerges - of a man with will. Who, perhaps, would also like to lie on the couch and eat cookies - but he overcame laziness, took a fist and now works at three jobs or sweats in the gym. He looks and feels like a hero.

But in fact, if you dig - as we psychologists know how - such a thing will become clear.

The first type - let's call him "sloth" - has no sincere desire to do this.

And the second - let's call him "business man" - has.

And it happens so - both of our heroes HAVE DESIRE. But if you dig deeper, it turns out that the sloth's desire still remains in the phase of such a speculative understanding - something needs to be done. And as if he was running into some kind of obstacle.

And in the case of a businessman, the desire quickly turns into a determination to act.

And he gets under way. Why?

We've all been in the shoes of a sloth. And everyone was extraordinarily productive - like a business man. Yet many of us are in permanent roles. Some, most likely, do not want anything. Others are more likely to get down to business.

And there is a strange thing in general - you seem to be not a sloth. And you REALLY want to achieve some goal, you just feel like the desire inside is burning.

And there is enough motivation - all the goodies are obvious!

And, it seems, you even do a lot, but move towards the goal very slowly - nothing happens. And the achievement of the goal, for example, - to earn more - remains a dream.

… And there is also a feeling that you are running into an invisible wall and cannot step over some line. And, it seems, all the introductory ones are the same as for others - there is a desire, there is an opportunity, there is an ability to do it. But nothing sensible comes out. And a terrible feeling arises - powerlessness, hopelessness, failure.

And the conclusions suggest themselves accordingly - I am a loser, I can’t do anything, I’m unlucky. I am enchanted.

Here someone can start running around fortune-tellers and remove damage. You can't explain it otherwise!

What's going on? I think many of the troubles described can be understood if we introduce such a concept as RESISTANCE into our psychological problem.

This is such an invisible force that arises in response to any pressure. Here you press on the balloon - and in response it springs into your hand with the same force. And if the pressure gets too high, it will burst.

The same thing happens in our psyche.

This is easiest to understand when you remember yourself as a teenager. Or your teenage child. The more the parents put pressure on the choice of a career, or study or cleaning, the more the teenager resists in this regard. He, of course, does not understand this - and seems to be doing something, but his face becomes sour. Look absent. And he says so sluggishly - yeah. And without any enthusiasm, he goes on to stick it into the tablet.

This is because you unconsciously press on him in this matter - you worry and control this topic. This pressure is very unpleasant to feel - you want to dodge it.

It's like when we say: don't stand over your head - when we are doing something.

In short, nobody likes pressure.

Pressure is external - this is mom, relatives, boss, etc.

And sometimes it is internal - this is when we ourselves put pressure on ourselves in some matters. For example, you need to start running in the morning or become successful. Yeah.

Resistance is right there. And we sigh. And we think - well, I'd better start on Monday, and even better from the new year.

We can force ourselves - but after a couple of days or weeks, the resistance wins and we abandon what we started.

But what about the business people - you ask? If you dig, it turns out that no one pressed on them - they themselves wanted to run in the morning, draw a picture a day, or take a third part-time job. This is their choice! No pressure, no resistance.

Or they have a highly developed sense of duty and responsibility, as well as a desire to be good, the best - and this desire is vital - therefore they are ready for feats. As professional athletes - for example. This is a different bias.

Resistance occurs most often:

- in response to external pressure - then, by resisting, you unconsciously want to break free from someone's control and be independent.

- in response to our pressure on myself - I don’t want to! (I want to be free)

- if you have conceived something developing and useful (what will I do with my new best myself in a better life? - everything is unfamiliar there. But here everything is familiar and I seem to control everything here)

- in general, we unconsciously resist any big changes (you never know what will be there - and here I at least know everything and live!)

The worst thing about resistance is that it takes a lot of energy.

Some of your energy is spent fighting pressure. And then you can no longer direct 100% of your energy to your goal - 50% will be spent on overcoming resistance.

Resistance is usually not realized by us. We rarely know about it because it happens unconsciously. But he controls us, together with our consciousness - like a director. And decides - to be or not to be.

How is resistance manifested in practice?

For example, suppose you want to learn something new that will help you advance in your business more effectively. The resistance might look like this:

1. I have no time (but there is time to watch the series).

2. It won't work (some kind of garbage).

3. It won't work for me (I'm special, bewitched, etc.)

4. I don’t have money for this (I have it for everything, but I don’t have it).

5. Or we start - and we quit.

6. Forgetting what we wanted.

7. Put it on the back burner.

RESISTANCE TO NEW and UNKNOWN is the main reason why many of our desires do not come true, and goals are not achieved. Consciously, we want - a new life, big money, new relationships - and we even put pressure on ourselves in this matter, and our loved ones put pressure on us.

And our unconscious in response to this resists - and we move towards the goal like a car on a handbrake. Moreover, we are losing half of the resource.

WHAT TO DO?

Reduce pressure. Ask your family not to pressure you. Stop putting pressure on yourself in this matter. It's difficult - you can't just tell yourself - but don't care, I won't demand from myself to earn more! But there is a way.

There are practices that allow you to get acquainted with your unconscious resistance, find a common language and agree - in order to start moving towards the goal.

These techniques are best done in the first couples with a specialist. And then already work with your plugs on your own, freeing yourself from resistance and fears, until you completely remove from the parking brake and move forward easily and at the right speed.

By the way, about the so-called fortune-teller effect. Wondering how it works?

They tell people - everything, I removed the damage from you, you will now have good luck. And if both parts of your psyche (conscious and unconscious) believe in this, the resistance will be removed.

Faith is a great thing. Thanks to her, a person will remove his own unconscious self-restraint-brakes from himself.

Such a placebo effect.

But if at least some part of you does not believe the fortune-teller, nothing will work. And you will need to look for a new one - more impressive.

But it's better to go to a good psychologist.

Your Elena Seminskaya is a psychologist and psychotherapist.