2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Study.
Men without women.
In his desire to kill time, Yu had no equal, in any case, he always thought about her like that, accepted him with all her heart and hated him with all her consciousness, because they knew that they would always be like this, at a distance. A large backlog of time allotted for acquaintance was burned with several glances and insignificant remarks, when not a second remained and there was silence, Yu knew that they were already so close that they could safely go home. The beauty and cruelty of the moment of the meeting were so dazzlingly straightforward absorbed by the smell of anger and nervous overexcitement that it seemed a little more and the air would be saturated with the smell of burnt oxygen. And yet there was no flash. Someone walked by and looked at us, looked away, closed his eyes, took a step, the lapel of the coat opened the delicate silk of the dress, a hand in a blue leather glove fluttered, a heel crashed loudly on the asphalt, everything will happen again and will be completely different from before.
Yu has always had problems with women. Well, what a problem … he just didn't know how and what to do with himself when the woman was talking to him. Shyness and suppleness, pressure and insincerity, interest motivates him, attracts form and essence, repels resentment and disappointment. Finding a balance and calm down, that's what he wanted, and for this he threw all his strength into his irrepressible desire to please them and push them as far as possible, because so, he saw more clearly his reflection in them. Sometimes Yu doubted that there was any difference between a man and a woman, perhaps in those moments he was closest to them and the most distant from himself. Outbursts of anger from unreceived happiness were replaced by a melancholic call for a rational economy of strength, which ended in a stormy fall into the abyss of suffering and then again, rising above one's human essence and returning to the original question - "Why does everything happen this way?" Yu knew the answer to this question, and the game was more important than the win, especially since only by playing could he be a participant in the game.
Emptiness and a feeling of loneliness, closed windows and suffocation prevent me from thinking about this tragic passage of time. She cannot tell in any way about the request that is stored in her subtle soul, making her a real guardian angel of an impossible dream for one very pretty girl. The crystal coffin is not so beautiful on the inside. They compensated for the fragility of being with firm intentions, I myself felt it myself when her straightforward question about the untold truth rested on my back. Behind all these bursts of activity and powdered self-sufficiency stood a sluggish grain of self-awareness, exhausted by constant self-digging and hopes for the earliest possible disclosure of the secret of her existence. There is absolutely no strength for anything else. "Even on me?" - asked Yu.. "Even to me" - she answered.
Among the two puzzles, there are two hands, which are each busy with their own task and the eyes at this time look only through, and not at. Two destinies tied to a common tight belt of antics and constriction, two people who do not know how to break away from the game and look at each other. Yu is too naive, she is too busy with herself, they are contradictory and pitiful in their own way, behind them is a wall of human unlived feelings that the crowd carries into the sea and drowns there, drowns and drowns.
In his desire to be with a woman, Yu lost himself. Having come to him, she did not see anyone, waited and left, leaving the front door open. The wind gently swayed her in its embrace, preventing her from closing and thereby making Yu visible. One day Yu will catch a glance from him, come to the door and close it. I think at this moment he learns about the existence of a woman carrying a particle of the reflected light from his eyes. Will they find each other or will they dissolve in the drowning crowd?
Yu is still alone, without a woman, like many.
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