2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-31 14:10
When a person embarks on the path of finding oneself, one of the most difficult trials is misunderstanding, rejection and manipulation of loved ones.
A good and warm relationship with her husband has always been important to Anna. So that the husband was friendly, talked to her, and did not bury himself on his phone and did not walk around the apartment gloomier than a cloud, demonstrating dissatisfaction with her behavior.
But she managed to achieve friendly communication only by adjusting to the situation. When she agreed to fulfill her husband's wishes, sometimes giving up her needs. When I tried to live up to his idea of a good wife to keep the peace in the house. And these ideas were very contradictory.
On the one hand, the husband wanted his wife to be independent and self-reliant, like his mother. He often said that it was high time for her to go to work on maternity leave and share the burden of the budget with him. That she can cope with her emotional problems on her own - he cannot be her nanny. And, at the same time, he expected that she would agree with his decisions, be an economical (in his view) hostess and would not spend money on all sorts of "feminine things", tried to control what hobbies she should pursue and what not.
Anna grew up in a family where the behavior of people was governed by the attitude: "What will people say." The girl quickly realized that in order to be loved, she had to be good to others. She learned the word "must" instead of "want", learned to guess other people's expectations and try to meet them. Using the example of her mother and grandmother, little Anya learned that everything needs to be done for others and then one of them will take care of her. It was considered selfishness to think and take care of oneself and was condemned in every possible way.
Anna brought the strategies developed in the family of origin to her new family. That is why she tried her best to please her husband, but it was impossible. There was always something that the husband was dissatisfied with and her fragile image of a happy and friendly family was bursting at the seams. It was necessary to save him urgently. By giving up yourself.
From childhood, the most terrible thing for Anna was the rejection of loved ones. When her husband closed in on himself and was silent, took offense and stopped talking, when he stared into the computer and did not respond to her requests, she seemed to shrink from the inside and freeze from the horror that rolled in a wave. And then a sore lump of chest pain appeared and it was unbearable. She was ready to do anything to make this pain end. And she went rather to her husband to restore his attention and warm attitude. It wasn't easy.
When we are in close relationships, we are not indifferent to how the Other feels. We want our views and decisions to coincide. And this is so natural! Unfortunately, even the most dear people cannot always act and think in the same way. And here it is important how we deal with our difference. Is it possible to respect both your opinion and the opinion of your partner at the same time? Do not demand the consent of the Other at all costs from the position:" title="Image" />
From childhood, the most terrible thing for Anna was the rejection of loved ones. When her husband closed in on himself and was silent, took offense and stopped talking, when he stared into the computer and did not respond to her requests, she seemed to shrink from the inside and freeze from the horror that rolled in a wave. And then a sore lump of chest pain appeared and it was unbearable. She was ready to do anything to make this pain end. And she went rather to her husband to restore his attention and warm attitude. It wasn't easy.
When we are in close relationships, we are not indifferent to how the Other feels. We want our views and decisions to coincide. And this is so natural! Unfortunately, even the most dear people cannot always act and think in the same way. And here it is important how we deal with our difference. Is it possible to respect both your opinion and the opinion of your partner at the same time? Do not demand the consent of the Other at all costs from the position:
If not, then manipulations are used.
When Anna discovered in therapy a deficit in her own self-care, when she began to listen to her desires and unwillingness, the quarrels in their family increased. After all, she used to cope with their differences through conciliation, but now she wanted respect for her position.
This is the hardest point. The exit point for codependency. One element of the system changes and the whole system can no longer remain the same. The ball is on the side of the husband - will he be able to accept his wife as an equal partner or will he insist on the old model of relationship?
During this period, support is very important for Anna on the path she chose to follow. It's not easy to learn new things, and when you have to overcome the resistance of those closest to you, fears and doubts can overwhelm your head and knock the ground out from under your feet.
It is likely that there will be more than one or two situations where she will face a difficult choice - to follow the beaten path of developments in order to relieve pain or withstand the tension of the situation and stay in line with her new decision.
But some time will pass and Anna will feel firm ground under her feet. Learn to respect yourself and your desires more - the idea will be supported by experience. She will no longer have to betray herself in order to maintain the favor of others. She will build equal and mutually respectful relationships.
Good luck, Anna, I am for you!
Recommended:
Our Childhood Needs And Adult Challenges
There are five basic needs, the satisfaction of which affects how harmoniously and holistically a person will develop. 1. Secure attachment . (stability, security, love, unconditional love and acceptance) We are loved for who we are. Not for something, not for grades, not for sitting with a younger brother or sister.
Challenges, Marathons Are Bad For Whom?
Why different marathons and challenges, where there are a lot of challenges and deadlines, can be harmful? Why can this part of people drive even more into inefficiency, from which they want to get away with the help of marathons, why and in what cases can it destroy the psyche, and not make it more resilient?
Actual Abilities As A Path To Oneself
Resume: This article proposes to consider a new function of actual abilities in positive psychotherapy - a better understanding of one's relationship with oneself. This article proposes to consider a new function of actual capacities - a better understanding of relationship with oneself.
CHILDREN'S CHALLENGES OF EMIGRATION
Recently, I have often had the opportunity to work with Russian-speaking families who now live outside of Russia. Most often, parents turn to about their children, since it is they who bear the main burden of adaptation in another country. Here are the main tasks that a child faces in this situation:
Psychology: The Art Of Finding Oneself - 2
The publishing house Veche published my first book in the psychological, that is, in the professional topic "Psychology: the art of finding oneself" Excerpt from the book: “The First World War made a big split in the consciousness of man - thousands of years of empires were destroyed, the centuries-old way of life of tens of millions of people, traditions and worldview were violated.
