2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
For harmonious relationships in marriage, it is important that each of the spouses has their own separate space: their own interests, desires, values. But, at the same time, so that there is something that unites the spouses - a common space. A certain balance of affection and independence. Many families destroy extremes - when spouses live by themselves or strive to merge, become one. When merging, instead of intimacy in a relationship, disunity is created. This is because there are no boundaries. In the state of merging, it is impossible to understand "where I am and where is the other." Others are credited with their own thoughts, feelings, sensations. It seems that he is "the same as me." Consequently, in merging, a person loses both himself and the Other. Practical example. The client's permission to publish has been received, the name has been changed. Thirty-year-old Tamara is on maternity leave - her daughter is three years old. The woman found out about her husband's betrayal. The husband repented, abandoned the relationship on the side. It was decided to keep the marriage. I suggest to Tamara:
Draw a metaphor for your relationship with your husband
- Our unity was destroyed by a crack.
Where are you, where is your husband? I see two almost identical shapes
- Yes, the figures are VERY similar. We were one, but we became separate figures.
Were you really one?
- I wanted it to be so.
What for?
- So safe.
What is the danger of being separate persons?
- When we are separate, we can lose each other. Although you are right, we are truly separate people, not one whole. I want our relationship to look like this.
How do you feel now?
- Empty circles. I feel empty.
What would you like to fill the circle that symbolizes you?
Tamara draws, commenting: - Work, friends, hobbies.
The rest of the areas are empty. How do you see it?
- Yes, I see. I would like to fill them in.
What are you going to fill?
- I will fill the joint area with sex, joint chores around the house, walks. I also want to fill the part that belongs to my husband with what is important to him: work, sports, his car and friends.
I see that only the images on the territory of my husband are multi-colored
- Yes, my husband's life seems brighter to me. His life is real. And I still have only dreams. I am still at home with my little daughter.
Which color is the most pleasant of those used? What associations does it evoke?
- Orange. This is a joy, a ball. Then - red. This is the heart, love. This is what I think about all the time. Black - hide, get lost. Blue is rest.
Tamara, you painted your husband's work in blue
- Yes, now I think that he is resting at work. He takes a break from everyday life, my irritation, a small child.
Black color you associate with the words - hide, get lost. And in black you painted your husband's car
- When my husband gets into the car and drives away, it seems to me that this is his way to hide. I think that my husband has a ball, joy. These are his sports activities. I also want to add sports to my life.
- I see that our joint area is too monotonous and too small. And now I want to redraw the drawing, make this area larger.
- Now the area of joint studies has become bright, rich, and diverse. I added watching movies, going to restaurants, meeting friends. And I like that. Doris and the area of personal.
- I realized that people feel good together when they have both personal and common interests. A harmonious marriage requires a balance of attachment and independence. When in a couple, everyone is comfortable both individually and together, it firmly holds the marriage. As a result of gaining autonomy, everyone can freely manifest themselves, be themselves. At the same time, there is an area of joint affairs, hobbies, uniting emotions. Only when people have freedom of choice, there is real emotional contact.
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