Psychological Legacy Of The Soviet Period

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

From the moment I started practicing life coaching, or, as I call it "practical esotericism" and conduct sessions with clients, observing the thoughts and actions of people interests me not so much from the point of view of general curiosity as from the point of view of the analysis of attitudes influencing the process of an individual's life, regardless of whether they are conscious or not. Sometimes it reminds me of a kind of "psychological constructor" - a client comes with a request, which usually includes a complaint that there are wishes about what I would like, and my task is to see from which "details" - in this case, it is internal settings - there is a picture of the client's world, and what parts need to be replaced, removed or added in order for him to achieve what he wants. Since I also work with Russian-speaking clients, most of them residents of the post-Soviet space or those who have something to do with it, and with English-speaking clients, for whom "communism" is, by and large, just a scary word, I can trace what attitudes are more or less common to my compatriots, and practically absent in English speakers, regardless of age. Moreover, many of the attitudes that I would like to talk about were present at the beginning of my coaching path, and I know from myself how hard and long the path of liberation is and how purposeful a person must be in order to bring himself to a new level of perception.

It is quite possible that I will not describe all the psychological attitudes that we inherited from generations who lived in anticipation of the onset of a happy era of socialism, but at least those that greatly inhibit the progress of not only the current 30- and 40-year-olds, but even those who is now 25 years old. The examples are taken from real life, and for simplicity of explanation, a certain generalized "Marivanna" will be used as a model.

Probably the deepest sensation that is present in the overwhelming majority of "immigrants from the USSR", practically of any generation, this is unshakable negativism … With these people everything is always bad, or not everything, but most of the things, or half, or "in principle, tolerable, but …". Marivanna's favorite pastime is to complain. For health, for a small salary / pension, for neighbors, for dogs, for the government, for housing and communal services, for a husband, for children, for the weather, for nature, for a TV program. There is always something wrong, there is always something that Marivannu doesn’t like, and this “something” must be said, expressed, discussed a million times, but not for the sake of solving the issue, but simply so as to express its “fairy ". The inner deep attitude “Everything is bad” manifests itself perfectly in everything, it is impossible to see Marivanna smiling sincerely, this is not in her style. If Marivanna goes to visit friends or relatives, then her first phrase, after she crossed the threshold, will not be “Good afternoon” or “Glad to see”, but something in the style: “Why do you have this does it smell like that in the stairwell? " or “On the first floor, the light bulb is broken, I almost broke my leg on the steps”, or “What awful weather today, I barely made it from the bus stop!”.

As esotericists say, when we wake up, our inner energy is concentrated in a ray directed to the outside world from the heart chakra, and this ray will illuminate what is most inside us. That is, if our internal resources consist mainly of negativity, then our ray will also find negativity in the external world. Like attracts like, so to speak. The inner ray of Marivanna is always aimed at the negative, he seeks it out and attracts. If you invite Marivanna to walk through the autumn forest, she will not see colorful leaves, the blue sky between the tops of trees, she will not hear the chirping of birds, and she will not feel the breath of a warm breeze. She will look for broken branches, dog poop, a couple of plastic bags, or some other rubbish, and will focus on just that. She will always find something bad, negative, ugly, even if you try your best to draw her attention to something pleasant. Sometimes it seems that Marivanna is not at all able to see the beauty of the world, her “internal TV” shows something completely different, and a person who admires something will irritate Marivanna, anger, criticism or a phrase like: “You are green, powder I haven’t smelled it, so live with mine, you will understand.”

Moreover, this negativism extends to everyone around. Marivanna's colleagues are always stupid, the boss is a tyrant, the husband is a goat, and the children are clumsy, and she herself is a victim of a "hard fate", and she will ecstatically sing along to Russian folk songs in the style of "I'm drunk, I won't get home ". Moreover, the most amazing thing is that Marivanna is absolutely convinced that by constant criticism and complaints against others and in the ears of those around her, she will achieve that others will change! That is, the more often you talk to your husband about his worthlessness, the sooner he will understand this and will run as fast as he can to be “whore”, “earning good”, loving, attentive and caring; if children are more often spanked, scolded, reproached, shamed, blamed, the more they will want to become better, smarter, more educated … For some reason that Marivanna does not understand, this does not happen, the husband moves away, the children isolate themselves and "beat back", which causes her anger at first, then impotence, and then a new round of complaints about life. After all, she is trying so hard to change others for the better, sincerely! She was also scolded and shamed in childhood, and nothing, she grew up "normal", "ordinary", but why can't these people? There is one more thing here, something like a "ban on joy." Even the phrase was: "You can't laugh a lot, then you will cry." Where this logic comes from is unclear, but the fact that the bearers of the "Soviet heritage" do not know how to rejoice - and not only little things, but also something really good - I observe quite often. They also do not know how to smile, speak and accept compliments and fool around - for example, dance in front of a mirror in a sober state, jump into "classics" drawn on the asphalt with chalk, run a race with their child or a dog … Marivanna herself always has lips like a "chicken ass" and a judgmental look, just in case.

Further, we can mention the phenomenon of total depreciation. If you praise something that Marivanna has done, she will definitely answer in the style: "Oh, what are you, nothing special", if you compliment her clothes or hairstyle, she will say: "Yes, this is an old dress / hair did not have time in the morning put / put on any makeup "or something like that. I remember how often I complimented one colleague, a beautiful woman who dressed tastefully, and heard something like that in response. After some time, I stopped giving compliments, tired of the negative reaction, and when we were just talking about something, a colleague regularly complained that her husband had lost interest in her and, in general, no one was paying attention to her. Well, yes, if you are always building an inaccessible Snow Queen out of yourself, where did you get the idea that the knights would line up and sing you serenades under the windows of your high tower? For such people to praise themselves is the hardest test, they always “fall short”. She graduated from the university with honors - so what, nothing special; got a promotion - well, it just happened; I bought an apartment - oh, I got into such debts! Hence the inability to praise the other, exactly the same mechanism of depreciation - did your daughter write a good essay? - "And Mary Petrovna's daughter also plays the piano"; the son got a good job - “Oh, now you have to work hard all day”, the husband was promoted - “Yes, it's high time, Kuzmich has been the head of the department for three years!”, a friend came to visit with a gift - “Why, it was not worth spending !"

We are accustomed to considering English speakers as "insincere" because they politely smile and say pleasant words, while for us smiling and saying "Good morning" to our neighbor is like torture, and criticism and pointing out to others how to live, as the first reaction to everything, absorbed with mother's milk, but at some point a person other than Marivanna gets tired of constant negativity. If Vasya has done something that Marivanna does not personally like, she does not have to tell Vasya about it, except for the cases when Vasya intentionally came for criticism, which people, to Marivanna's surprise, do not really do! If you beat your dog all the time, hoping that it will get better, you risk that one day it will either bite you or run away, and there are no other options. In general, on the whole, it seems to me, the Soviet education system was based on the fact that a child who came into this world is initially "broken", defective, wrong, and needs to be "repaired" by any available means - humiliation, intimidation, physical punishment, shame, guilt, ignorance! What kind of "hug and accept" is there, it is not pedagogical, you spoil him, and he will sit on your head! And what should all these generations of "disliked" do now, who run away into alcohol, then into computer games, or where else?

My next point will be my favorite - careful avoidance of responsibility … Probably, for a person who grew up in the conditions of “advice”, that is, when there was always someone to tell what you need to do and what is right, it’s even easier that you don’t need to decide anything yourself, but the world has changed, and no one else says anything to anyone … Rather, says Marivannna, who has not yet grown out of that era, but what does she receive in return? At best, irritation, and at worst - aggression, for example, if we are talking about the constant desire of parents to interfere in the lives of grown children and give them free advice right and left "for their own good." In fact, "giving advice" is also equal to unwillingness to take responsibility, because if the "baby" suddenly kicks up and answers in the style of "Don't bother, Mom", you can always "back up" and say: "What, I just said, don't take everything to heart!"

A person who is struggling to take on the burden of his existence is ready to listen to anyone - TV presenters, deputies, the President, a neighbor, journalists, boss, and act on these words, and it doesn't matter whether the person agrees with them or not, subconsciously, his setting is that "someone will come now and tell me what I need to eat / drink / watch / wear." Did they say on TV that fasting is good? Let's go starving! Did they say on TV that the concept has changed and is it harmful to starve? So, they urgently stopped starving! And if you ask a person how he thinks, he does not know. Can not. Hence the love for all-inclusive tours - no need to think, no need to choose, everything was decided for you, breakfast at 7, lunch at 12, dinner at 18, the beach is straight and to the left, do not be late for the excursion, look to the left, look to the right, take a picture of this, take a picture of that, order in the restaurant menu what is marked with a tick. For Soviet-trained people, "free choice" is a disaster, they are afraid of it, because they have forgotten how to want something for themselves. What if my wish is wrong? It even seems to them that they do not want anything, they are not, they have lost the habit of wanting, because they were never allowed to want something! Better we will read horoscopes, follow fashion and watch talk shows, there are no fools sitting there, they know better! The choice of what to eat for breakfast - fried potatoes or scrambled eggs turns into an existential crisis - what if I want potatoes, but today for some reason I can't eat them ??? Bad day for eating potatoes ?! And then what should I do with my desire?

I remember one of my bosses tasked me with finding a designer to make a nice quarterly calendar for next year. The designer came and asked what kind of calendar the boss wants, to which the boss replied: "You tell me which one you need or which one is better, we will make this one." The designer said that he could not make a decision for the client and left. I understand him.

In fact, I sympathize with the people of those generations and people who still have similar attitudes, because they sincerely believed that they were trying for the future, sacrificing themselves for a reason, postponing their lives for later for the sake of children or for the sake of high ideals, and then something clicked, broke, the screen went out and the light turned on. There will be no keen, tickets cannot be returned … And the feeling of resentment for being deceived, bends your backs and makes your legs so heavy that it is difficult to walk - remember the Russian old people, almost all of them are like that … But there is only one way - to return to yourself, to start listening your desires and stop considering them as something wrong. No one will live your life for you, just as you will not live your life for another, even with the best intentions.